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How lonely are you?

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 52 total)
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  • #87463
    Glenda
    Participant

    God have mercy on Dernell for laughing at his own jokes.

    #87475
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Just had my first meal, coffee really, following my hunger strike. I needed the coffee so to carry me through this reading: “Jack, it is never too late to hand your life over to God! I notice you being tempted by the philistine psychology of Freud. Don’t do it! It’s atheistic rubbish!”

    anita

    #87476
    anita
    Participant

    About the party in your head with the Inner Selves, problem being the bullying Inner Selves. The bullying Inner Selves work hand in hand with the bullying you listed in the workplace. Bully with Bully unite, kind of a thing. This is why it is so important to work to shrink the those bullying inner selves. The safer you are from them, the less distressed you will be with at least some of the bullying in the workplace and elsewhere.

    Regarding the thread about the workplace, it got buried by the joking last night, started by me. Would you like to copy and past the original post into a new one for fresh, relevant comments?

    anita

    #87485
    jock
    Participant

    We can safely ignore Glenda’s comments on all threads from now on. Fundamentalist Christians are the worst kind. I’ll never be that extreme.
    Anita, don’t worry. All is well.

    #87493
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Thank you, you are so kind to me. About ignoring Glenda’s comments, no, no, no. Only if she attacks me (or you) personally, maybe then, but no, she deserves to be responded to. So I will.
    anita

    #87501
    jock
    Participant

    About the party in your head with the Inner Selves, problem being the bullying Inner Selves. The bullying Inner Selves work hand in hand with the bullying you listed in the workplace. Bully with Bully unite, kind of a thing. This is why it is so important to work to shrink the those bullying inner selves. The safer you are from them, the less distressed you will be with at least some of the bullying in the workplace and elsewhere.

    I was thinking about this very thing you mentioned here, on my long walk this morning. Those with low self-esteem tend to have more and stronger inner bullies to deal with so when they have to confront an external bully, it is just too much. That is why someone with high self-esteem can manage external bullies better; because they manage to quieten the negative internal voices(bullies) so they only have to deal with the external bully.
    Mm, I made that sound more complicated than it actually is.. 🙂

    #87503
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Internal bullies make the external bullies more powerful because let’s say you go to work, as you wake up the internal bullies start whipping you. You get to work, the external bullies whip you, you go home you are whipped by the internal bullies reminding you what the external bullies said about you (Ruminator Ron), you go to bed, you eventually fall asleep exhausted from all the whipping only to get up for another day of whipping again and again, no wonder you are not motivated to go back to work!

    Shrink the internal bullies, it is possible. If you google pete walker, he has a website with articles, one is about shrinking the inner bully. Will you read it, perhaps???

    anita

    #87511
    jock
    Participant

    I saw his youtube clip. I like him.
    He quotes from the bible, did you know?

    #87512
    jock
    Participant

    #87520
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    Is this him on the video? Maybe will watch later, probably, yes. In his website, his writings are about the Internal Critic, I later remember. He didn’t call it Internal Bully. Makes no difference to me, same meaning. Well, did you get any ideas?

    By the way, it occurred to me last night that I have an Inner Self I wasn’t aware of as such, let me introduce her: Ruminating Ramona. Similar to you know who. She does ruminate about what I did wrong, or maybe wrong, and as the appropriate bully of the moment is beating me up with a whip, she, Ramona keeps me in the position of being beaten, while she is trying to resolve the situation using other Inner Selves. You-ate-too-much Tammy is beating me up while Ruminating Ramona is engaging Calorie-counting-Caroline for “help” and there is Running-around-Renee to the “rescue” and Ramona keeps thinking and thinking.

    A better dynamic is: the sensible, healing, evolving me saying to the one or ones with the whip: PUT THE WHIP DOWN. Focus on that alone. Put the whip down, stop the beating.

    Ramona is like a person entering a home where a young child is being beaten by a crazed adult. What she does is, she starts talking to the crazed adult: “Maybe the child didn’t do the wrong thing you think he did… let’s …examine this, analyze it.” And Ramona is telling the in-progress beaten child: “Now let’s see, did you do something wrong?” And an Renee jumps in with her input: Take an extra long walk. And Fran jumps in and says: the child is fat! And so on.

    While the only sensible intervention would be: PUT THE WHIP DOWN.

    Then we’ll talk. No whipping. No beating.

    anita

    #87533
    jock
    Participant

    He’s good Anita. I want to see more. One thing was, something like this: “don’t beat yourself up ‘ I should’ve stood up to them and told them off’ You did the best you could. Give yourself a break”.
    This is one of my main areas of concern. The actual event was bad but Ruminator turns it into a daily boxing round of recriminations. ‘ what a wimp I was, why didn’t I say the right thing?’ I fear the external bully only because I know the internal bully will be absolutely relentless!

    #87539
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jack:

    I just heard most of the video. I turned it off when he started talking about feeling empathy for the bully, the Christian forgiveness thing. I believe that MY UNREPENTANT bully deserves empathy, only not my own. It is not the job of the bullied to empathize with one’s bully, it is not damaging to one’s healing. Not in the first ten years or so of healing- it is time to feel empathy for the bullied, for oneself, not for the bully, for crying out loud!

    Anyway, I agree with anyone can bully anyone. That this is not an indication of the bullied inadequacy or deserving of the bullying.

    What you describe about Ron’s bullying you for not protecting yourself or for not fighting the external bully, that is common. The internal bully bullying you for not fighting the external bully. Well, fighting the internal bully makes sense then, that is “Put your whip down!” You don’t listen to Ron or me listening to Ramona. Ron and Ramona they just stand there with their whip ready to whip, no use talking to them, just make them put the whip down. Then you talk to someone else, the healthy inner critic, think about effective ways to deal with an external bully, think when CALM, not while being bullied by the internal bully.

    I have a better understanding through IST, Ruminator Ramona and will practice it today, following the latest attacks.

    anita

    #87545
    TriangleSun
    Participant

    I’m not lonely. I am alone. And I feel fine with this. I think solitude is a great thing if appreciated.

    #87562
    anita
    Participant

    Dear TriangleSun:

    What specifically do you like about solitude? I used to like solitude and still do considering the alternative of being in the company of unpleasant people. Nowadays, I have no desire to be around people just for the sake of it. I am interested in real conversations, not in superficial companionship. what about you? What is it about solitude and what about companionship is better than the best solitude?

    anita

    #87564
    jock
    Participant

    If my internal bullies are taking a siesta, I love my own company. Socialising is fine and necessary I admit to some extent, but always look forward to “me time”. Having said that, I would be lost without my partner and dog. By “socialising”, I meant, other people.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 52 total)

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