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How to break Negative voice pattern

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  • #407293
    Addy
    Participant

    Hi M-26 here.
    I kind of feeling little hopeless and I’m not sure if it’s negative thinking pattern or what… But here’s a thing…

    It’s been more than more than a year! since I’m unemployed I’m applying for jobs in EU because I don’t want to work in my country, I want peace and better work life balance, but I recently started applying for jobs in my country as well because of the finance issues…

    Although around like 3 months ago I found out that I would like to do Product Management more than data analysis so that’s also a change.. But there are lot similar transferable skillset.. Although I’m grateful that I found something that I might enjoy a lot..

    But it’s just that feeling inside me like it’s not going to happen.. There’s this critical negative voice.. Like you haven’t succeeded for this in the past, So you wouldn’t be successful in the future either so it just loses my energy.. Not to mention everytime I receive rejection e-mails.. Even though I knew I put good time for that. Lot of times I get interview and I feel so hopeful and be like okay that’s it I got this one but another rejection.. I just feel I don’t know so meeeehhh.. And doesn’t let me focus on building better skillset..

    And same thing in relationship because my 3 year long distance relationship didn’t worked out. I’m in another Long distance relationship.. And that voice inside is like doubtful this one would work out.. Even though it’s lot different than before.. But I love her so much..

    Another thing is that I don’t want my parents to work anymore, and I want to provide. But it’s just…..

    I’m trying to be more mindful and not lose hope, but I need guidance

    #407309
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Addy:

    It is very tough to go to interview after interview, to feel hopeful only to be rejected yet again. It is very tough to be going through this for more than a year and remain unemployed, especially when you want to provide for your parents and unable to do so. If you had a short-distance loving relationship with your girlfriend- that would have helped your mental health, but unfortunately, your relationship is long-distance. Overall, I understand that your feelings of hopelessness, discouragement, loss of energy and that meeeehhh that you mentioned,  are the results of your difficult situation.

    There’s this critical negative voice. Like you haven’t succeeded for this in the past, So you wouldn’t be successful in the future“- with another kind of voice, an understanding and wiser, positive voice, say to yourself (out loud or silently): failure is part of the human experience, everyone fails at times, sometimes for a long stretch of time… and then success happens. I am not listening to you, critical negative voice!

    It may help if you say it first thing in the morning (in an energized way) and at night, as you drift into sleep (in a quiet, sleepy way). Will you do that and let me know how you feel?

    anita

     

    #407326
    Addy
    Participant

    Thanks a lot Anita. I think you’re right. I also do the gratitude prayers in the morning time. 🙂

    #407345
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Addy:

    You are welcome. When I was in psychotherapy and had lots of negative voice patterns of my own, my therapist had me listen every day to one of Mark William’s guided meditations. Mark Williams  is a clinical psychology professor in the university of Oxford and a leading expert on Mindfulness. I believe that you can download his mediations for free, as well as watch/ listen to his lectures on Mindfulness.

    If you listen to any of his guided meditations/ lectures, please let me know if you think it is helpful to you, will you?

    anita

    #407557
    anita
    Participant

    How are you, Addy?

    anita

    #407670
    Addy
    Participant

    I’m doing quite well Thanks for asking. How about you? (Like for real)
    I did manage to find a better way to apply for jobs and made new resume, And I have some interviews lined up as well so let’s see how it goes?
    I’m kind of proud of myself how resilient and grateful I am, no matter the situation!

    Thanks again for checking up on me that’s really kind of you 🙂

    #407673
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Addy:

    Good to read that you are doing quite well and that you are kind of proud of yourself for how resilient and grateful you are, no matter the situation!

    You asked about me: recently, I’ve been struggling, feeling discouraged, trapped… but reading your recent post encourages me, particularly your choice of the word resilient. I hope you don’t mind if I develop a bit the topic of being resilient.

    Online definitions: c<span class=”hvr”>apable</span> of <span class=”hvr”>returning</span> to an <span class=”hvr”>original</span> <span class=”hvr”>shape</span> or <span class=”hvr”>position,</span> as <span class=”hvr”>after</span> <span class=”hvr”>having</span> <span class=”hvr”>been</span> <span class=”hvr”>compressed, capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture, psychology today (paraphrased): being resilient is the psychological quality that allows a person to not be knocked down by adversities, difficulties and failures, and instead, to come back as strong as before, or stronger: to change course, to emotionally heal, and to continue moving toward one’s goals. Learning to be okay with making mistakes, big or small, is a critical skill that is tied to resilience and to future success.</span>

    <span class=”hvr”>* Being okay with making mistakes has been a huge struggle for me. Instead of being okay, whenever I realized that I made a mistake, small or big, I obsessed about it endlessly and my energy was drained. I made progress in being okay with my mistakes and with (some of) other people’s mistakes, and I need to make more progress, so … to be more resilient.</span>

    Well done on your new resume, on finding a better way to apply for jo, and lining up a few interviews! Please feel free to post again with an update anytime, and thank you for the encouragement!

    anita

    #407674
    anita
    Participant

    * Re-submitting without the excess print, hopefully (and some editing):

    Dear Addy:

    Good to read that you are doing quite well and that you are kind of proud of yourself for how resilient and grateful you are, no matter the situation!

    You asked about me: recently, I’ve been struggling, feeling discouraged, trapped… but reading your recent post encourages me, particularly your choice of the word resilient. I hope you don’t mind if I develop a bit the topic of being resilient.

    Online definitions: capable of returning to an original shape or position, as after having been compressed; capable of withstanding shock without permanent deformation or rupture, psychology today (paraphrased): being resilient is the psychological quality that allows a person to not be knocked down by adversities, difficulties and failures, and instead, to come back as strong as before, or stronger: to change course, to emotionally heal, and to continue moving toward one’s goals. Learning to be okay with making mistakes, big or small, is a critical skill that is tied to resilience and to future success.

    * Being okay with making mistakes has been a huge struggle for me. Whenever I realized that I made a mistake, big or small, I obsessed about it endlessly and my energy was drained. I made progress in regard to being okay with making mistakes (and in regard to some other people making mistakes), and I need to make more progress, so … to be more resilient.

    Well done on your new resume, on finding a better way to apply for jo, and lining up a few interviews! Please feel free to post again with an update anytime, and thank you for the encouragement!

    anita

    #407675
    Addy
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I can totally understand maybe that’s kind perfectionism because you don’t like to make mistakes. But as for my experience I think making mistakes is how we grow and improve. I mean faced similar situation where I just circle round with the same things if I’m not able to resolve that mistake. What happened, Happened. now there’s another chance of mistake but as crazy it may sound I just myself this question If “I make that mistake would I die? Probably not” then there’s another thing that people always says like you should learn from your mistakes and yeah, it’s true but for mind it’s not that easy. Mind doesn’t like to create new patterns that easily so you shouldn’t spend energy in something that you’re not capable of YET. I try to note things down what worked right and what can I improve next time
    I guess you already know these things very well than me, but we all need reminders time to time so…
    Have an Funtastic day 😀

    #407676
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Addy:

    Your most recent post is responsible for my first smile of the day (still smiling!). You are right: we all need reminders. As a matter of fact, if we forget something important, it’s the same as if we never knew that important-something.

    Being not okay with making mistakes is the same as perfectionism, I agree. My guiding thought growing up and onward was: I will be okay IF I MAKE ZERO MISTAKES. So… I was never okay, not for long (the longest: a few hours, a few days at the most).

    I try to note things down what worked right and what can I improve next time“- I should put this into practice every day, a few times a day! Have a fantastic day yourself, a pleasure talking with you this Friday morning (USA).

    anita

    #407677
    Addy
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    I’m glad If I’m able to make someone smile. And today’s case that’s you. My day is turned good to great and so thanks for making my day.

    Let me know how that works for you. We can definitely learn things from each other 😀

    Addy

    #407678
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Addy:

    After submitting my recent reply, I realized “funtastic” is not a misspelling of fantastic, it’s a real word. I didn’t know that this word exists until you mentioned it (!)

    You are welcome, thank you and yes, absolutely: learning things from each other works for me!

    anita

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