Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→How to deal with change
- This topic has 6 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 10 months ago by norit.
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December 13, 2016 at 11:57 am #122629MariaParticipant
Hello everyone. I would like some advice on how to deal with change.
I am starting university in 2017 (this is my gap year as I had financial worries, so I deferred a year). For as long as I can remember I wanted to go to university, travel the world or both. But my fear of change is holding me back. When I was a child I was diagnosed with separation anxiety due to a situation where I wasn’t able to live with my parents for a while. For this entire year, on and off I have been crying and having panic attacks about moving away from home even though I know in my heart it is what I want and need to do. Change is inevitable and a part of life, I know this but the idea of leaving- moving to a new city hours away from home, and not seeing my mother or sister or my cats every day saddens me and stress me often.
Are there any ways I can deal with this gradually? Because I don’t want my fear of change to hinder my life.Thank you so much for reading.
December 13, 2016 at 12:18 pm #122630AnonymousGuestDear mariamomo:
If you attended competent therapy in the past, where you were taught skills so to pay attention to when you start getting anxious, then, at that early stage shift your attention from your fear to hearing the sounds around you, or to the feeling of something soft in your hand.. or doing one or two yoga stretches (choosing from a variety of tools)- then you can stop the escalation of the anxiety into more distress and panic attacks.
If you haven’t attended such therapy, maybe you can do so?
anita
December 13, 2016 at 12:35 pm #122632MariaParticipantAnita
Thank you for your advice. I was never able to attend therapy but those skills do definitely sound like a good idea. Would you advise practicing these daily or just when I feel the panic attacks and stress coming on?
December 13, 2016 at 1:20 pm #122636AnonymousGuestDear mariamomo:
Definitely daily.
There is a term to this daily practice: Mindfulness. It is the practice of paying attention to how your body feels throughout the day. You get better at it with practice (no other way to get better at it but the daily practice).
Let’s say you are walking- just walking- pay attention to how your feet feel when they hit the ground. Pay attention to your shoulders, as you walk: are they uptight? Pay attention to your breathing as you walk: is it superficial, or deep? Does your body feels hot, cold?
Same when you do almost anything else: when you wash dishes, how does the water and soap feel on your hands? How do the dishes sound as you put them away?
Anywhere you are, when you find yourself “in your head”- thinking and thinking, lost in thoughts of no practical value- shift your attention to how the hot water feel on your body (if you are taking a hot shower), or how does the face of the person you are talking to looks like (Eyes looking at you, or away, for example)
When you find yourself lost in thought when trying not to, let it be. If you give yourself a Mindfulness grade- you are missing the practice. You must be gentle with your performance and very patient.
It takes practice over time.
Try it, and post again, will you?
anita
December 14, 2016 at 2:01 am #122662VJParticipantDear mariamomo,
I suggest you to do a web search on ‘Bach Flower Remedies’ to know full details on what they are. If it interests you then among the several flower remedies WALNUT is the Remedy used for adapting to change.
You can start taking now so that you are fine by the time university starts next year.
(http://mudraguide.com/bach-flower-remedies-walnut-and-change.html)
(http://www.bachflower.org/walnut.htm)BFRs available below along with several sites-
Take care,
VJDecember 14, 2016 at 6:16 am #122675InkyParticipantHi mariamoto,
This sounds obvious, but have your parents come and help set you up. Once you are in your room, know where your classes are, where to go for food, etc., etc., it will become routine. Your anxiety levels should fall.
Afterwards, you may deal with homesickness. Again, have your parents, siblings, and other friends and relatives visit you. And go home as much as you can!
What I did was send care packages to my daughter, email, Facebook, call and FaceTime/Duo. Freshman year I would contact her (through all the communication options!) once a week and send care packages once a month. Now that she’s a Junior I contact her way less. The University is her Home and she comes home to Visit. And yes, we still visit her too.
As for travelling, go with a friend or in a group. It will be more fun that way anyway!
Good Luck!
Inky
December 14, 2016 at 3:01 pm #122734noritParticipantHello mariamoto!
I’d just like to say, I admire your attitude, tackling your fears despite how scary this all sounds! Will you be able to call them, or use Skype, or send texts?
Some things that have helped me deal with my anixety include reading up on exactly how anxiety works, learning I have control over it and it doesn’t have to overcome me. Learning breathing/relaxation techniques and practising them once each day while you aren’t feeling anxious, as this will help them come to you more naturally when you ARE feeling anxious. Mindfulness, as Anita mentioned, is very helpful.
Would it be possible to do small trial runs to see how you manage? Do you get anxious being away from them if you’re going out shopping for example, or staying with a friend or distant family member? Would it be possible to do some smaller ‘practise’ runs e.g. going away for a day or a week (your own pace, whatever feels comfortable for you!) using the techniques you’re learning? This might help build up some confidence before the real thing.
I imagine you will also be distracted by studies, new friends, and new opportunies, when the time finally comes, which might help too! 🙂
norit
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