Well the therapist can give measures, make the person see things clearly but at the end of the day people have to do their homework to get the results. This is applicable even when diseases like obesity, diabetes, heart disease are looked at.

Instead of taking their lack of effort as a reflection of your inability, try to understand that you can encourage them to take baby steps, be accountable to change. There is a reason why many prefer a group class or trainer than exercising alone. The former provides a push and group pressure to do the necessary work.

Manage yourself better when you feel frustrated at their lack of progress. Understand that this will take more time.

Even with paid clients, find means to bring in accountability and to motivate them to find time in small slots. Will-power is a finite resource and is like a muscle in a static state. It needs exercise and rest to grow.

Dear Poppyxo:

No need to apologize about the fact that I wasn’t clear about what you meant- you did nothing wrong.

A few thoughts:

I think lots and lots of medical doctors share your frustration or shared it, before they stop caring: people with bad habits come to see the doctors for health issues, obese people for example, having type 2 diabetes, and the doctor recommends losing weight. How often does the patient not take that advice? A whole lot. And indeed, the patient wants that “magic pill” you mentioned, a drug that will fix the problem.

Your core belief of not being good-enough (so common I don’t think there is a single individual who doesn’t or didn’t believe it at times) was not evident to me from your sharing on this thread. But now that you brought it up-

your I-am-not-good-enough (person, daughter, therapist, etc.) core belief, this is not going away anytime soon. It is a belief that requires more work over time. The work you do on yourself regarding this core belief gives you the experience you need to help people who share this core belief. The work itself that you do gives you experience that you cannot get any other way, not from reading a book, attending a lecture. You LIVE it and then you know it.

This core belief, as painful as it is at times, is your opportunity to learn from so you can help others, be a better therapist. You learn from it as you are engaged in the process of healing from it.

anita

Dear Poppyxo:

It is my understanding that professional, competent psychotherapists cannot have a family member or friend as a patient or client because of the lack of objectivity required for the therapist-patient relationship. The excellent therapist I had told me he gives “Zero Advice” to his family members. That was his policy. He “zeroed in” on their feelings, he said. My understanding it, he listened and showed empathy for their problems, but offered no advice.

If you offer family and friends no advice, you will not be disappointed when they don’t take it.

anita

You are welcome, Poppyxo.
anita