Dear Bella:

Well, start with the  profile, write what it is that you are  looking for in a  man, and in a relationship and what you have to offer, what you can and want to bring into a relationship. Write it and let me read it, if  you want.

I am exceptionally tired  today and it is not  noon here yet. Will be back in about sixteen hours. Be good to yourself today, will you?

anita

Dear Bella:

I know tired, so I will wait. Make the profile simple, honest,  straightforward, not too long.

anita

Dear Bella:

1. “I am looking for a casual relationship” can be interpreted as a sexual-no-strings-attached relationship, newer terms: a friends with benefits/ hookup kind of a relationship. Better specify casual, not using the word.

2. “wants  to enjoy his life with a partner that has the same values“- specify the values, at least a few of your most  important values (this will include what you specifically mean by “Honorable Gentleman” requirement).

3. “looking to enhance my partner’s life- as well as him mine”- enhance how, specifically?

4. “no drama”- explain clearly what no drama means and how you don’t have the drama that you don’t want your partner to have either.

* It  is very important to be specific, not only because it significantly increased the chances that you get what you want, but you also present yourself as clear, one who knows what she wants, which is attractive. Of course, you should  aim at being clear and  specific on an ongoing basis.

I will be away from the computer for the next sixteen hours or so. Take  good  care of yourself Bella. Looking forward to your next post, the presentation of  your next profile version!

anita

Dear Bella:

I understand. I thought about you this morning before you posted.

I know this “dark place”, I think I know what  you mean by it. It is this place of feeling  so very alone. That deathly alone feeling. No matter how  old we are,  how older we get,  we are still these little girls (or boys) needing our mothers, the  mother  we  had or the mother we wished  we had. We  need her to hold us tight against her, to feel that safe, sun-shining-grass-green all good feeling. Nothing feels better than that. If you imagine your mother holding you (you shared how she w as  your comfort), you may feel better. Hold on to that image and that  feeling, tell me how it  feels.

anita

Dear Bella:

I feel it  now, feel it every day, not as the dark depression I felt before, that  feeling I described a bit above which you said  it is how you feel, but I feel it every  day  in an anxious kind of way, this disquiet. It is this anxiousness that drives  me to want to eat more and more so to feel better, so  to feel calm. That  need I had  as a child for my mother to  be able and capable too hold me, for her to  be strong and happy so that she could  hold  me and make  me feel  okay, that need was so  intense, it never went away.

There was nothing  then more  thrilling than the  need for her to welcome me into her arms. It is that sun is shining, green is  green, all is well feeling. I was unaware of that need  and feeling until recently.

Somehow you and  I have to endure this alone feeling, be it  in the  form of my  anxiousness or your current form of predominantly depression, if I  understand correctly. As I feel it  right now, as I type  to  you,  it  feels like a  kind of a  pain in my chest  area and a few tears gathered in my eyes. I think this  is  part of  healing, feeling  it  like this.

Write more if you can, if  it  helps, maybe  it will help?

anita

Dear Bella:

Part of depression is the law of physics that states that a body in motion tends to  continue motion and a body at rest turns to  remain at  rest, it is  true to  any  thing, including us. So you are  used to the way you live now, and  the natural tendency is that it remains as it  is. If you changed from Rest  to  Motion, you will get used to the latter.

I know you tried and gave up. If you tried again, don’t give up this time. If you decide to try again, to switch from rest to motion and stick to a daily active routine.

I see no other way, really, but do just that, have a daily  routine of motion, or action.  “Every day  I seem to awaken to nothing but more loneliness… I don’t know what to do”- plan a routine, like a manager of your own life, plan a routine, follow, correct this or that item in the plan, perfect  a routine that works for you.

But I know how it feels, this deep hole you mentioned, the dark place. Reminds  me  of the first chapter of Genesis, “In the beginning..” it was dark, it reads, just  like what  you stated. And  everything was a mess, water everywhere (similar to the  leaks you were worried about  when it rained), and then god organized things, was  the  manager of that mess, placing water here and there, creating  a  dry space, then proceeding  to do something in that dry space every single day, rested on the  seventh.  That  was  a weekly routine of sorts.

What  if you do the same, starting at Your Beginning, today, where  it is dark and a mess, and start an action routine, organizing, creating, and.. then you can rest on the seventh day.

anita

Dear Bella:

You are welcome. Look at that first  chapter,  Genesis 1.

anita