Hi Anita,

I am O.K.~  I have thought about you & hope you are having a Nice Holiday Season…

I won’t burden you with my woes, maybe after Christmas.  Hopefully, The New Year will bring better things for me than the last year has.  A lot of stress, I went to the Doctor the other day & it was a pointless visit.  Had an appt. set up to talk to a counselor, but it was terrible.  I wish you were close to me & we could have morning coffee and share thoughts.  It seems like the people that I thought were my friends have been too busy over the past few weeks.  I haven’t mentioned to anyone how I feel.  I have kept it to myself since I posted last.  My new motto, don’t say or do anything with people unless it will make them happy.

Now with that, I will probably be alone until next Christmas.  Holidays are not a good time for me, close to when I have lost many Loved ones and Family members, too many sad memories.

Think of me at Christmas and send some  Prayers & good vibes my way.

P.S. My 2 Kittys are doing good!

Take care & sorry it took so long to post…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I hope you are back home safe & dry after your 3.5-mile walk.  Wow, you have a lot of discipline to walk every day and in such nasty weather.  We had about 12inches of snow Sunday I forgot to mention.  So glad the power did not go out.  My stray Black Kitty that I feed just showed up a few minutes ago since the snow.  I am sure he is very hungry it is about 1:30 in the afternoon and he usually only come at night.  I have been looking for him every evening since the snow and was starting to get concerned.  It always makes me feel better knowing he has a full belly.  I would Love to hold him and let him know he is Loved…But, he is too afraid.  Maybe someday I will be able to hold him!

Earl Grey?? Actually, I do have some…I would like a sweet hot mocha Starbucks coffee…:)

I can’t believe Christmas is only 13 days from now.  This will be my first Christmas to be alone since my Mother passed away.  My  ex has been with me since shortly before she passed.  I can’t tell you how much I am looking forward to the Holidays to be over.  I don’t like wishing time away, but this year has probably been one of the loneliest years of my life.  I pray that God will Bless me in 2019 and give me some hope.

Be safe Anita and stay dry~

Bella~

Hi Anita,

After reading about all of the animals around your property it seems a bit dangerous.  You must be used to all of the furr babies.  I guess they won’t bother you as long as they have no reason to fear you.  It actually sounds quite pleasant!

My stray kitty came again last night and I fed him again.  I am sure my boy was very hungry…Unless he has other dining areas it had been 3 1/2 days since he had any food at my house.  He is such a handsome boy!  Solid Black & big bright eyes…

Bella~

Hi Anita,

Only a few more days until Christmas & I hope you have a Christmas Beautiful Day~

I have been dealing with a lot in the past week or so…Busted water heater and flooding of the basement/electrical issues with overhead ceiling lights and evicting my renter.  She refused to pay the rent and bills which were in my name~  She was a handful.  She also had moved her boyfriend & his 2 dogs in which was clearly not allowed without asking first.

I found out yesterday my ex did get married and purchased a large home on several acres, which really hurt!  He never even had a charge card when we were together & I had to co-sign for his car because he couldn’t get a loan.  How in the world could he purchase a home??  Knocks me for a loop.  This was all done back in the summer, only 3 months after he left.  I must say it rips my Heart out and makes me feel so disposable.  It’s like our 8 years together was absolutely meaningless to him.  I know I shouldn’t feel that way but I do.  3 months after he left all of this happened.  Merry Christmas to me, as if things weren’t bad enough…I am so sad and Heartbroken I can hardly stand it.  I don’t want to see or talk to anyone.  I feel like I am that person in a Snow Globe that never gets out and only picked from the shelf on occasion to shake & watch the glitter fall back to the ground.

I have scanned the dating sites thinking it would cheer me up and distract me for a bit, but it was terrible.  Maybe 3 guys were cute, but after reading their profiles I knew Thay were not my type.  I will leave the men alone for now.  When I found out about my ex it set me back a bit.  When I found out about him I realized I still had hoped we may have gotten back together.  I just didn’t want to admit to myself.  I had this crazy idea he would come back and tell me how much he Loved and missed me and that he had made a terrible choice by leaving.  I feel I really wanted to know I was Loved and that what we had shared did count for something.  I really don’t think I will ever be able to trust a man.  I can’t stop crying and I can barely see the keyboard to type.

You are the only person I have mentioned this to.  I really wish we could have our tea together in the morning and have a nice talk.

My Heart is truly Broken in a million pieces~

Bella

Hi Anita,

Glad you will have power for Christmas…I believe this will be my most dreaded Christmas ever.  I have not spoken to anyone in days & feel so empty.  I really don’t want to be around anyone at the moment especially feeling as I do.

The house my ex purchased is in his name & it just doesn’t make sense.  I saw his credit & 2 bankruptcies.  It wouldn’t bother me so bad except he always said he couldn’t get a loan  & as I mentioned earlier I had to co-sign for his car.   Am I being punished for something?  It seems like he met her and gave her everything in 3 mos. that I always wanted the two of us to have.  I am so hurt and disgusted over the past 8 months and how everything has unfolded for the two of them  I am letting it destroy me, maybe I am jealous of what they have.  I feel he used me to get back on his feet, got me in a financial bind and now he has a new home married with the girl he has known for less than a year.  I hate to admit it but I am stewing over the situation.  It just doesn’t make sense and I know it never will.  I am just hurt that he never would be kind enough to me to talk and let me say what I needed to say to him before he began life with someone new. 

I still can’t believe the man I Loved once would treat me as he did. Walk away and never look back.  It seems like a nightmare!!

I guess I will eventually be able to put this behind me if it doesn’t kill me first.  I am beginning to feel like a hermit…I just don’t want anyone to see me like this, being so sad.

Bella~

Hi Anita,

I  have decided to do my best to put the part of my life with my ex behind me.  It doesn’t matter how, why or what.  It is over and should not have any impact on my life any longer.  I must follow that feeling instead of torturing myself.  I have many unanswered questions, but even with the answers would it matter? He left with not much of an explanation and most has been a mystery and will probably always be.  I need to realize after 8 mos. all I have found out is deceit & lies.  So, do I really want to know the truth?  I need to focus on my future, not the past with someone who did not care about my well being.

I wish you a Beautiful and Happy Christmas.  I hope Santa leaves you something you need and want! (Lights & Water) 🙂

As always Pray for me and I hope to make it through the day with Happy thoughts.

Bella~

Hi Anita & Happy New Year!!

I hope this finds you well…I have had an uneventful last few weeks.  Santa forgot me this year…LOL  at least I will have something to look forward to next year for Christmas.

I am giving up on the dating site.  2 Scammers & 4 guys that only spoke about sex & it made me sick to my stomach.  I am shocked at how all men want to do is talk about sex.  I met 3 for coffee, 1 looked like he just rolled out of bed, 1 was nice, but not my type  and the last one had dated a friend of mine recently…(that was a definite NO!!)

Bella~