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How to have a life outside of work?

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  • #125229
    humour
    Participant

    I think I am a workaholic. I love my work but nothing else is going right for me in life right now. At this point I should be concentrating on everything else apart from work. I feel that I am trying to escape from the other stuff and focusing too much on work. How can I have a life outside of work although I like my work ( I do get stress headaches most of the time ). I am fairly introverted although I don’t mind socializing. Any thoughts??

    #125246
    anita
    Participant

    Dear humour:

    In your very first thread on this site, more than a year ago, you wrote: “Even when I practice mindfulness, if I have 100 thoughts in a day, around 80 of them tell me ‘no matter what you practice, you will still be punished for the wrong you did. Law is law.’”

    From my reading of your posts, relationships with people is difficult for you, so at least at work you are compensated, monetarily for these difficulties. Am I correct?

    anita

    #125293
    Nina Sakura
    Participant

    Well perhaps you can go for some kind of weekend volunteering, take up a new hobby, watch the IMDB movie list, write a blog, go for a class etc. Basically take up new activities outside of work.

    #125622
    janice
    Participant

    Work is important in life. But you need to be engaged in other stuffs too.Do you have any other problems?

    #126155
    humour
    Participant

    You are partly right Anita. Nina, I was a very active person but for the last 4 years I ve been depressed. Not much enthusiasm. Janice, psychological stuff bother me too much. Stuff like guilt, anxiety, fear, not being good enough. I am not able to let go of past. Things are much better than 2014 and 2015. I want to get back to being cheerful. I want to forgive myself for my mistakes. I want to be able to take care of myself and be less of a martyr. I want to find love, freedom, joy within myself and without. Even a tiny spark of love will give me confidence and heal me. I want to be healthy. I am in my early 30s. I feel like I am 60. Feeling helpless, confused and wondering why things had to happen the way it did…

    #126156
    anita
    Participant

    Dear humour:

    In the quote I brought up from your first thread: ” if I have 100 thoughts in a day, around 80 of them tell me ‘no matter what you practice, you will still be punished for the wrong you did. Law is law.’”-

    The wrong you believe you did, the wrong you believe you need to be punished for, the reason for the guilt you mentioned above, a few minutes ago- that must be a very powerful belief that makes your life miserable.

    You wrote above that you are “confused and wondering why things had to happen the way it did”- it could be this powerful, unfortunate Core-Belief that you did something so wrong, that justice requires you being punished for it, for life.

    As long as such belief is strong in your brain, it will bring about those 80 out of a 100 thoughts that do not serve you well. Do you want to share about what I believe to be your core belief?

    (Will be back in about 12 hours)

    anita

    #126169
    humour
    Participant

    Maybe you are right Anita. I had a strong belief system. It’s shattered now and I am so confused.
    I just want normalcy to return, the way I was before all kind of shitty stuff entered my life. I just want to enjoy simple pleasures, love myself and others. I want some kind of normalcy in my life. I am getting frustrated with regrets, things not turning out the way I wanted it to, my efforts not being recognised, me not able to meet my own expectations, people pleasing. I ve had enough! I want to forget everything, be reborn and just have fun:) I want to let go..Arrgghh. I feel I am the only one stopping myself. Yikes!

    #126179
    anita
    Participant

    Dear humour:

    Remember the lion/ tiger vs the wolf analogy? Maybe you want t be reborn as a wolf, no longer performing in the circus?

    The “people pleasing” behaviors is performing in the circus, hoping to be liked by the audience (other people, coworkers); even when you try to meet your own expectations, those expectations may be your parents’ expectations of you from long ago, and you are trying to please them, performing in the circus for them to like you.

    Maybe wake up every day with the goal of being that wolf and every time you notice you are being a tiger, switch into a wolf mode. It may be helpful for you to make two lists, for this purpose:

    1. List tiger behaviors (performing in the circus).
    2. List wolf behaviors.

    anita

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