I am in the same place that you are. It’s been six weeks for me too. Also, seven weeks since I lost my job. You are asking for help and I’m certainly in no position to give advice. The only thing I have to offer is that you are not alone in this. Others, such as myself, are feeling the same pain of rejection and abandonment. Like you, I felt for a long time that our relationship was not “right”. I had developed such a feeling of attachment to him and didn’t want to hear what my gut and my instincts were telling me. Now, I am in the process of detaching. Letting go – of the expectations I had, the hopes for a future together, the hopes that the passion would return. It’s so difficult. It hurts so much at times that I wonder if I’ll climb out of this black hole I’ve dug for myself. I try to remember that it wasn’t a waste of time and that I’ve learned things about myself and about boundaries and listening to my gut. I’ve learned that it’s not a good idea to invest so much in a relationship when I am not getting my own needs met. Seems like something I should have already known at 63 years young. Apparently not. I’ve found, for me, that writing down my feelings helps some. I just take pen in hand and start writing – about anything and everything. It’s almost as if I’m having a conversation with someone else and in the re-reading, feel I have learned something new. Also, I started walking every day – one foot in front of the other. I walk for a few miles and find I feel less anxious and despondent when I return. Small things. I remind myself constantly that he wasn’t meant to be mine – or he would be. I’m also trying to believe that perhaps I had to experience this because there are lessons in it. I’m sure there are. I wish you peace, Swan.

It’s been 5 weeks since my breakup. And I am also in no place to give advice but to also let you know what you are feeling is normal. While there are days I feel OK, there are others that knock me to my knees and make me also wonder if I’m ever going to move on from this. I’ve analyzed, read, researched everything about heartbreak and moving on. I’ve even tried to go out on a few dates thinking it would help me to just force myself into accepting it’s done and over. JillC, this comment of yours is exactly how I feel “I had developed such a feeling of attachment to him and didn’t want to hear what my gut and my instincts were telling me. Now, I am in the process of detaching. Letting go – of the expectations I had, the hopes for a future together, the hopes that the passion would return.” Detaching is very difficult for me. I’m trying to look take the viewpoint that he is now in my past, that part of my life is closed, and the “future” I had envisioned wasn’t real…it was just a story I created in my mind. The thoughts of him dating (which he is) tear me apart. I have no idea what he is feeling or thinking…and I don’t need to know that if I am going to move on.

I have recently been dealing with something similar, albeit, not a ‘relationship’ but a close friendship that involved a lot of emotional feelings. My ‘friend’ suddenly did a 180 on me and it’s been hell at times, trying to figure out the why’s and how’s of it all on my own. He isn’t communicating much, and avoids any honest type of conversation, leaving me in the dark.

For months I’ve had an emotional roller coaster of pain, anger, confusion and each day I push myself to google and read as many articles online as I can about how to get over it all and accept things.

All I can say is, time is on your side. And it does take time. Journal your feelings daily, it helps relieve the pain. Have that cry, it helps your heart heal. Everything is a process and happens as it should.

I remember when my fiance cheated on me while I was on a month long business trip, I agonized over why and how it all came about. When I got back, I didn’t demand an explanation or apology from him because I figured no matter what the problem was, cheating wasn’t the answer. I bring this up because you can’t control what other people do, but you can control if you obsess over it or not.

Trust me, my breakup was very public and humiliating, but what I learned the hard way is that for me, talking doesn’t resolve feelings. The best advice a friend gave to me was, “Well, what do you need in order to get over it?” I wish I invested more time in figuring that out instead of trying to figure out someone who was acting on their weak, cowardly or human side was thinking. No matter what your ex’s reasons are, you still need to figure out how to cope in a productive way. Pretend his reasons don’t matter, because they don’t. People who are meant for you don’t treat you like that. A year after my break up, I met someone who put him to shame. You never know. Plus, if you get over him and he doesn’t want to be with you, you are on an even playing field; Or you could get over him and he could come back and realize it was a mistake. Either way it’s in your best interest to invest in figuring out what makes you happy.

I recently read the book called Do One Thing Different by Bill O’Hanlon which I found very helpful.

There is a french saying for good luck and have courage: Bon Courage!