Forum Replies Created
September 3, 2013 at 2:33 pm #41648
I started going yoga a few years ago. And I honestly really need to get back into it. It really helps me find some calm within me. As far as the clothing goes, I always wear what is most comfortable. I don’t like to wear t-shirts because they always seem to be too baggy and I’m always trying to pull them back into place when doing poses. My main advice is to not be nervous about your performance at all. It’s not a competition with the teacher or person next to you. You are taking yoga to focus on yourself so don’t worry about anyone else.
I hope you enjoy it 🙂September 2, 2013 at 7:52 am #41564
Thank you everyone for the advice. It’s hard for me to process and accept that he really is gone and moved on. Every morning is the same feeling. That sickening feeling, knowing that we are no longer together, and that it is all out of my control. His profile is gone off the dating site. This after spending a weekend away with a couple of our mutual friends, with someone. So, I guess that means he has found someone. I still miss him and stupidly would want him back.
Matt, you are so correct to say that I am very critical of myself. I beat myself up for feeling so sad about someone who obviously didn’t treat me very well, or want to try and make it work and doesn’t want me. Nobody else would want to be in a relationship like we had. And so I feel stupid for loving him so much and allowing this to pull me down into despair. I was miserable, but I also admit that I was to blame for being miserable. I allowed myself to stay in the relationship and not communicate and put up with stuff I shouldn’t have. I know why I did it though. He had a very very strong and dominate personality. Whereas I do not. I’m usually the follower, not the leader. I am mad that he is going on with life, out there doing all the things that WE did together with someone else and I am having to see a counselor. I feel like he’s found this wonderful, beautiful, everything he wants woman and I have not had much luck at finding someone. Everyone tells me that he is NOT going to ever change. He will be the wonderful, nice, affectionate, decent person in the beginning and then he will start to get tired of it and go back Ito his true self. Why do I have such a hard time believing that? If he’s not looking for something serious then why be on the dating site? I NEED TO GET OVER THIS MAN!!!!
Barbara, I’ve been on the site only a couple of weeks as has he. Unfortunately I’ve paid for 3 months. Right now I’m not going to jump into anything serious. It hurts to see his profile is gone off of there. I kind of have an idea of what he did this weekend based on facebook posts of mutual friends. I guess he’s found someone. I know I need to tell myself SO WHAT. His life is no longer my business and I shouldn’t care. That’s really hard. Acceptance that it is over is my battle.
This is the kind of pain that I would never ever wish on my worst enemy. I hope you don’t have to go through it.August 27, 2013 at 7:20 am #41246
It’s been 5 weeks since my breakup. And I am also in no place to give advice but to also let you know what you are feeling is normal. While there are days I feel OK, there are others that knock me to my knees and make me also wonder if I’m ever going to move on from this. I’ve analyzed, read, researched everything about heartbreak and moving on. I’ve even tried to go out on a few dates thinking it would help me to just force myself into accepting it’s done and over. JillC, this comment of yours is exactly how I feel “I had developed such a feeling of attachment to him and didn’t want to hear what my gut and my instincts were telling me. Now, I am in the process of detaching. Letting go – of the expectations I had, the hopes for a future together, the hopes that the passion would return.” Detaching is very difficult for me. I’m trying to look take the viewpoint that he is now in my past, that part of my life is closed, and the “future” I had envisioned wasn’t real…it was just a story I created in my mind. The thoughts of him dating (which he is) tear me apart. I have no idea what he is feeling or thinking…and I don’t need to know that if I am going to move on.August 23, 2013 at 7:11 am #41037
I never thought about that every day I’m trying to “forget him” and push myself into healing. I know that everyone heals at different rates….for some reason I think I need to be over this by now. But in reality I’m not. Is it because he is trying to date? Maybe. I could be forcing myself to move forward because of what he is doing now. If he’s ready then I should be ready. But I have no idea what he is feeling or going thru. He could be as unhappy as me and forcing himself to move forward or he could be truly over it and happy. The pain has lessened some which is a positive. But the wanting him back and missing him is still there strong as ever. I’m trying to force myself to believe that I am better off without him and that I don’t want to be with him, and that may all be very truthful, but I’m not ready to believe that. Everyone is telling me I’m so much better off because of how the relationship was and they are not just telling me this to make me feel better, they know him and how he is and also know me as a person and want so much more for me. I could be better in a month or a year, I don’t know. I’m always hard on myself, so I’ve been trying to be a little more understanding with me.August 22, 2013 at 6:53 am #40979
Jen, that is exactly how I feel. I took him back with the promises and expectations of that future. I have always been a bit of a jealous person and I know that has to do with how I feel about myself. So seeing him dating (or looking to date) pulls at those jealousy feelings.August 20, 2013 at 12:19 pm #40846
We were supposed to meet at my house tonight to talk about things. I just received this text from him “Hey Im not going to come over this evening. Ive got a ton of stuff to do before my trip and its not going to change anything. You are a nice person but we are just not meant for each other. Im not going down this road again. If you never want to talk again I understand and I am sorry.” And quite honestly, no I don’t want to ever talk to him again. If he is such a coward and POS that he can’t grant me the courtesy of clearing things up then he isn’t worth my time or any sadness I may have. I haven’t responded to his text and not sure if I even will. He agreed that the lack of communication hurt our relationship yet here he is not willing to communicate. I’m actually glad that we are not meeting. I’ve been nervous about it all day and especially about seeing him again.
As far as the dating thing goes, I’m probably going to try and wait.August 17, 2013 at 7:25 am #40655
I don’t think there are any specific guidelines to follow. It’s completely random and what you feel like drawing. If you google the word mandela in images you can see examples of some. Mine are pretty simple, not as complex as a lot. You can color them in if you want or just stay with the black and white. I use a drawing compass to make my main circles and then just draw things inside the circles. Then I take a black sharpie marker and go over the lines and may fill in a couple of sections with the black. I like the black and white. If I could figure out how to post a picture of the ones I’ve done then I could show you mine.August 16, 2013 at 12:17 pm #40620
Tim, what a wonderful idea 🙂 I’ve always loved flowers but never really think about getting them. A month into a breakup from a 2 year relationship and I think that would really help liven up my house. Thank you for posting this 🙂August 16, 2013 at 7:32 am #40604
Hi Letty. I agree with you, that I’m not really missing “him” but the loss of what I thought he was and the future I had envisioned. Everyone told me as well that in time the hurt will get better. 3 weeks ago I didn’t believe that at all…but now I’m realizing it really is true. While I am not ready to completely let go of him I am at least not in that dark hole everyday feeling lost and lonely. I still love him and care for him but as long as I acknowledge my emotions and deal with them it helps me to heal. We all deserve that person who treats us well.
Michael, in my case I saw the breakup coming….just didn’t think it would happen when it did, I thought I had time to talk to him and “fix” it. I am so sorry you are going thru this pain….I understand that you would feel devastated, I would as well. It does help to talk to others about it because when dealing with heartbreak we can feel like nobody understands what we are going thru and therefore we feel alone. This forum has really helped me not to feel that way. My friends and family have been great with listening to me and telling me that I’ll get thru it and come out of it knowing more about myself and loving myself but they can’t give me the advice like I’ve gotten on here…it really has helped a lot.August 15, 2013 at 9:01 am #40541
Renee, you just completely touched on everything I’ve been feeling. That even though he may appear to be what I want in the beginning, he really isn’t going to change enough to be able to stay in a serious relationship. He proved that to me twice now. I was dumb enough to take him back a year ago when he said he’d changed. Also you said ” when we lose that other person, we also immediately lose all of the dreams and plans of the future that we pictured with that person. It’s a huge loss; it’s a kick to the gut.” That’s exactly it!! It’s like my life’s been flipped upside down and all the trips or plans or get togethers….are all gone because of it. I know I have dreams that never did include him…that were all about me and my life. I have to focus on the lack of communication, respect, and broken promises because that’s what the real problem was with the relationship not just the commitment issue.
Thank you so much 🙂 Sometimes I just need to hear someone else tell me what I’ve been telling myself….to prove that I will be OK.August 14, 2013 at 11:43 am #40443
I will admit that I am my own roadblock to moving on. I overanalyze and think too much about all the “whys” rather than just letting things run their course. I don’t like uncertainty even though life is all about not knowing where we will be in the future. Regardless of how fast he moves on with someone else, I deserve someone better anyway. I put up with a lot of crap, promises, and lack of respect…..so that’s why I deserve better, because there definitely is better I just have to wait for it.August 12, 2013 at 8:28 am #40263
Thank you Matt. You have given some of the most wonderful advice that really gets to what I am feeling. I do struggle with wanting to contact him just to ask him to please understand why I decided not to talk…even though it was about what I needed to do for myself I still think of him and worry how my decision affects him. That’s the low self esteem part of me. He is so hard to get out of my everyday thoughts and almost like I’m still in shock that he isn’t coming back.August 12, 2013 at 7:35 am #40258
Thank you for this 🙂 When going thru a heartbreak one often feels like nobody understands or we feel left alone to pick up the pieces. Enjoy your trip 🙂August 12, 2013 at 6:27 am #40254
Dee and Carrie, thank you so much for your advice. Dee, many of my friends have said that the commitment thing wasn’t really the only issue and to stop focusing on it. The lack of respect he had for me in general is a big issue that probably wasn’t going to change. My hangup is that he kept going back and forth about what he wanted. I had looked forward to that future with him. It’s been 3 weeks since the break up and there are so many things I wish I would’ve done. Like say that I didn’t want to talk about this over the phone and ask that we please meet to talk about it. Instead I gave in to what HE wanted (just like always) and had a very brief conversation over the phone…so I really didn’t get to ask or say everything I wanted. But I know I can’t go back and change that. I still wake up every day with the empty feeling inside me and even with knowing how miserable I was the last several months together I still think that there is nobody out there that will be able to replace him. And the idea of having to date at 40 is very depressing to me.
I was wondering if you two would mind exchanging emails with me. My friends have heard enough and I don’t feel I can confide in them anymore. Mine is firstname.lastname@example.org. If not, I understand.August 7, 2013 at 9:28 am #39912
Well, I decided to go with my gut feeling and didn’t talk to him. I had originally said yes but then I was struggling with the decision so much that I thought if I was absolutely ready and OK to talk to him then I wouldn’t be struggling with deciding. I never got any reply back from him, as I didn’t expect to. I most likely made him mad and probably pushed him away. Trying to convince myself that it is OK if that happens. I could probably never have a friendship with him so if we never talk again that would only benefit me. I am one to not want to hurt people or make people mad and I usually end up suffering because of it…that’s one of the reasons I struggled with this. I kept thinking what if he really had wanted to talk and needed to talk….how cruel of me to deny that. But how cruel of him to never talk to me when I needed it. I know I would not have gained anything or benefited from us talking in the long run. I am moving on from this and telling myself that I did what was best for me…for once.