Dear anita, thank you for such insightful reply.

I mentioned about my hard times because there was a time where I had no one to talk to, spent all my days doing basically nothing but playing vidya, gaining weight, had no motivation of doing anything at all. That was lasting for years.
Generally I’ve had not easy childhood – family problems, bullying at school etc. But as the time goes on I made very small steps about it – I took care of myself, small successes here and there, improved my physical condition although mentally I wasn’t at my best surely.
Apart from that I’ve had some serious problems regarding my health condition (some defects, lots of things to take care of). That’s why I decided to work right after I finished my high school, I needed lots of money.

At the beginning of this year I’ve been to hospital and got rid of my main problem, I still have one operation in schedule but I’m much happier than I used to be.
Met many people here and there, renewed friendships etc. The thing about the social part is that the people around me tend to lose themselves in “half measures” I would say. I mean they waste their lives away on complaining, drugs. Even if some people are studying in order to gain more qualifications and better paid job then that’s it, they’re not really any different than others – not trying to be creative in any means – they try to “keep things as they should be” and when someone’s different in some way then they’d make sure to tell that person they should be doing X instead of Y or his / her idea is stupid as it doesn’t fit their view, instead of showing even some small support.
Maybe I shouldn’t be harshly judging / criticizing them like this but I think life should be lead in more “spiritual way” – I have trouble describing what I exactly mean.

Now I feel like I have fresh start and it’s time to make some decisions in my life. I can finally focus on my ambitions and after some time feel really good about myself.

Just now I got idea that in order to not lose my motivation / fuel I should change my lifestyle.
But the thing about changing my life is that I’m scared of the actual changes. For example moving out – I believe I would become more independent and mature, adapt to new surroundings but on the other hand I’m afraid of totally new people in my new home location. I would have less savings, can acquire some bad habits or something. It would be definitely jump to deep water (but it may be worth it).
When I will decide to stay at home and leave my current job and make few months gap in my career I will surely rest but on the other hand I don’t really like living at home with people I live with. I think I’d have more freedom when I will move out – escape from the problem. Although if I’d try to adapt home environment to be less irritating for me I may succeed and stay up to year longer. The thing about me tho is that I’m kinda anxious and every time I have to deal with someone criticizng / talking to me in instructive manner I’m instantaneously getting nervous and often arguing (and I’m really sick of this).

Decisions, decisions, decisions… I have to do something about my life. I have to sit down and analyze my thoughts, my notes (I recently note my thoughts, ideas etc. it should somehow help me in my decisions, not only with major ones) and consider my life path, where to go. Maybe I want too many things at once?

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Dear Kevin,

I do read / watch growth oriented material (but not too much), that’s why I progress throughout my recent years – overall I try to not waste my time, for example on all those TV channels. Thank you for recommendations, I’m recently considering buying ebook reader for more knowledge.

Dear anita, thank you for another reply.

I have many goals to achieve, I tend to be kinda impatient about them but I will work on it. Lately I’ve made a list where I wrote down my goals and decided on which one I will focus first etc. So that’s a good way to go I think.

My parents think that there is only one good mindset / way to go through life. Similarly to other people that I know.
Although my parents are more supportive people than others, as they’re my family.
But still, they for example couldn’t fathom the fact that I don’t like my job and will quit it sooner or later. They said that it will be hard for me to find better job. After few weeks I managed to convince them that my decision is good for me, so they support me after all in that matter but it was kinda hard to sell them that idea.

That’s the main reason I hate to talk with them about my ideas or other concepts.

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Dear Mark,

First of all I got into alcohol and other drugs because I was bored / sad about my life. That’s just the old habit, now I think that I keep it in moderation.
I try to be nice for other people and smile, have positive attitude generally.
Sometimes when I help other people I wonder, if they’re worth it? I mean, do some people even deserve to get help? That’s kinda weird thinking, I know.

And yeah, sometimes I’m overthinking about something before I actually do that and I mostly consider all the bad things. That’s where my fear strikes and prevents me from doing anything. I know I can overcome my anxienty but sometimes I’m just overthinking and fail.

Thank you so much for all the tips.

Dear anita,

that’s what I want to do also – surround myself with people that have positive attitude and encourage each other. I also aim to know wiser and more experienced people in certain ways to learn from them.