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How to keep going forward and not lose motivation?

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Viewing 12 posts - 1 through 12 (of 12 total)
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  • #156384
    Dereck
    Participant

    Hello TinyBuddha community, this is my first message here, I’m not quite sure if I post in correct forum section. I’d like to tell you my story.

    My life has been hard most of the time and I’ve felt a lot of sorrow. But those times are the past and I can hardly recall any bad experiences (because I got rid of them I would say, not sure how to explain it), I’ve got through some life’s milestones already and I look forward to the future.

    Since the beginning of this year I’ve experienced mostly personal successes – slowly but steady I’m improving as a person and I feel good about it. But the thing is – how to not rest on laurels. Sometimes I’ve got no motivation to do much, because I feel like I’ve done enough and I let loose myself in “hedonist way of life” I would say, like getting drunk – when I meet with people I mainly drink alcohol etc. and it kills my motivation indeed. Each day I’m not being productive (improving myself) is kinda wasted day for me.

    Another factor is my job – it’s my first career path ever and I’ve been working in this place almost 3 years now (I really needed money at that time)  – but I wanna leave that place because I’m tired of it to be honest and I’m stuck there with no options of gaining new knowledge. I don’t like my job anymore and it starts to feel like a hassle. I will make a few months break from work because I’ve got some savings and I’m still living with my parents (although I’d like to move out but it’s not gonna happen soon, yet).

    How do I keep being motivated? I mean how do I receive more and more loads of motivation to keep going forward?

    Lately I’ve got myself into meditation, although I’m still pretty new to this activity I feel like I’ve got some small benefits already from doing it.

    Recently I came to conclusion that in order to feel better I should help others, give good advice, show support etc. even if people are not always as grateful as they could be. As I will earn more and more money I want to donate some small % of my earnings to support others. But before I will actually do that I think that I need to improve myself and feel good with myself before I can actually help other people.

    I feel that there’s a lot of incoming changes to my life, there may be some hardships on the way but I believe overall I will improve in many ways. I BELIEVE in brighter future.

    #156526
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dereck:

    I need to  get away from the computer and intend to be back in 8 hours or so. I noticed your thread has been unanswered so far, so I am moving it to the top by replying shortly here. Maybe another member will reply. I will, when I am back.

    anita

    #156592
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Derek:

    You wrote that you are living with your parents and would like to move out, but cannot do so for now. You job of three years feels like a hassle and you would like to quit. You can live off your savings, at your parents’, for a few months, if you quit.

    You wrote that you had a lot of hard times in your life, lots of sorrow, but somehow you got rid of those experiences. You wrote it is hard for you to explain this point. (I do wonder if you could try?)

    And you wrote that you are into self improvement, that you have experienced slow and steady progress in this regard.

    At times you drink alcohol and get drunk, with friends, I understand. When you do, you feel unmotivated, waste your time, and are not engaged in self improvement.

    My answer to your question:”How do I keep being motivated? I mean how do I receive more and more loads of motivation to keep going forward?”-

    To be motivated means to be excited, inspired, and we, as humans, cannot always be excited. So the goal to feel excited, or to feel any desirable feeling is tricky. We can’t simply choose our feelings. Sometimes we feel bored, uninspired.

    The fact that you live where you don’t want to live and work where you don’t want to work at, these two things, are uninspiring, demotivating. The key is to function as effectively as you can without feeling excited, inspired, driven… motivated. You have to endure the unpleasant feelings that you cannot prevent (they accompany living in undesirable circumstances), accept your present circumstances as they are, for now, with as much peace of mind as possible and then function effectively: avoid getting drunk, since that bothers you. Then either move out first while keeping the job or quit and look for another job.

    Depending on what is a worse experience: living with our parents OR doing this job…?

    And remind yourself daily of this:  “I BELIEVE in brighter future”

    anita

    #156668
    Kevin Mahoney
    Participant

    Dereck,

    Good questions. For me, reading growth oriented material is a consistent source of motivation.  There are a lot of quality growth oriented books out there.  John Maxwell is a good starting point , IMO. It is pretty straightforward in regards to principles and practice.  You can get a reading app on a tablet and get many books real cheap. You can also use a library account and get them for free with a time limit. If you go to actionablebooksdotcom (I have no affiliation, BTW) you can explore tons of books that you might find motivating. Good luck.

    #156854
    Dereck
    Participant

    Dear anita, thank you for such insightful reply.

    I mentioned about my hard times because there was a time where I had no one to talk to, spent all my days doing basically nothing but playing vidya, gaining weight, had no motivation of doing anything at all. That was lasting for years.
    Generally I’ve had not easy childhood – family problems, bullying at school etc. But as the time goes on I made very small steps about it – I took care of myself, small successes here and there, improved my physical condition although mentally I wasn’t at my best surely.
    Apart from that I’ve had some serious problems regarding my health condition (some defects, lots of things to take care of). That’s why I decided to work right after I finished my high school, I needed lots of money.

    At the beginning of this year I’ve been to hospital and got rid of my main problem, I still have one operation in schedule but I’m much happier than I used to be.
    Met many people here and there, renewed friendships etc. The thing about the social part is that the people around me tend to lose themselves in “half measures” I would say. I mean they waste their lives away on complaining, drugs. Even if some people are studying in order to gain more qualifications and better paid job then that’s it, they’re not really any different than others – not trying to be creative in any means – they try to “keep things as they should be” and when someone’s different in some way then they’d make sure to tell that person they should be doing X instead of Y or his / her idea is stupid as it doesn’t fit their view, instead of showing even some small support.
    Maybe I shouldn’t be harshly judging / criticizing them like this but I think life should be lead in more “spiritual way” – I have trouble describing what I exactly mean.

    Now I feel like I have fresh start and it’s time to make some decisions in my life. I can finally focus on my ambitions and after some time feel really good about myself.

    Just now I got idea that in order to not lose my motivation / fuel I should change my lifestyle.
    But the thing about changing my life is that I’m scared of the actual changes. For example moving out – I believe I would become more independent and mature, adapt to new surroundings but on the other hand I’m afraid of totally new people in my new home location. I would have less savings, can acquire some bad habits or something. It would be definitely jump to deep water (but it may be worth it).
    When I will decide to stay at home and leave my current job and make few months gap in my career I will surely rest but on the other hand I don’t really like living at home with people I live with. I think I’d have more freedom when I will move out – escape from the problem. Although if I’d try to adapt home environment to be less irritating for me I may succeed and stay up to year longer. The thing about me tho is that I’m kinda anxious and every time I have to deal with someone criticizng / talking to me in instructive manner I’m instantaneously getting nervous and often arguing (and I’m really sick of this).

    Decisions, decisions, decisions… I have to do something about my life. I have to sit down and analyze my thoughts, my notes (I recently note my thoughts, ideas etc. it should somehow help me in my decisions, not only with major ones) and consider my life path, where to go. Maybe I want too many things at once?

    _________

    Dear Kevin,

    I do read / watch growth oriented material (but not too much), that’s why I progress throughout my recent years – overall I try to not waste my time, for example on all those TV channels. Thank you for recommendations, I’m recently considering buying ebook reader for more knowledge.

    #157058
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dereck:

    You are welcome. I understand how you got rid of some problems- physical problems, through operations, one more to go. And you worked hard to earn the money to pay for those operations. I hope this last operation will be the last and that it is successful.

    You asked: “Maybe I want too many things at once?” – probably.

    Because you tend to get anxious, better tackle one problem, one challenge at a time. I wonder about your living with your parents currently, how is it for you? Are they critical of you, telling you that you”should be doing X instead of Y or his / her idea is stupid as it doesn’t fit their view, instead of showing even some small support” like other people in your life?

    anita

    #157062
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * did not submit correctly…

    #157084
    Mark
    Participant

    Hey Dereck,

    I thought maybe I could offer a few suggestions that might help. Gradually weaning off the alcohol until you are at a level you can feel good about in the morning might help your motivation. Going to work with a fresher perspective could help you focus on the good you are doing in your work rather than thinking about just getting through the day. You said you learned that helping people can make you feel better… how could you help someone at work? Even just a compliment or a unasked favor could really brighten someone’s day, and sometimes even change a life. Then you can leave work focused on the good you did instead of dreading slogging through another eight hours tomorrow.

    You say you get a lot of anxiety, and especially when you think about change. Lately I have been taking the advice from DARE: A New Approach to Ending Anxiety, and use that initial jolt of anxiety to get excited, not fall into it with fear as I used to. Fear fuels anxiety and makes it grow larger, but excitement can overtake the anxiety. You are living life, you are growing, when you feel anxiety. Let it allow you to grow.

    Focus on the positives of change, on all the possibilities, not on criticisms. Don’t fuel criticisms by arguing or responding. Consider the criticisms, take the parts that could help you improve into the person you want to be, and forget about the rest. Decide who that person is that you want to become and try to move toward that person each day. Progress is a lot better to think about than anxiety or stagnancy.

    #157292
    Dereck
    Participant

    Dear anita, thank you for another reply.

    I have many goals to achieve, I tend to be kinda impatient about them but I will work on it. Lately I’ve made a list where I wrote down my goals and decided on which one I will focus first etc. So that’s a good way to go I think.

    My parents think that there is only one good mindset / way to go through life. Similarly to other people that I know.
    Although my parents are more supportive people than others, as they’re my family.
    But still, they for example couldn’t fathom the fact that I don’t like my job and will quit it sooner or later. They said that it will be hard for me to find better job. After few weeks I managed to convince them that my decision is good for me, so they support me after all in that matter but it was kinda hard to sell them that idea.

    That’s the main reason I hate to talk with them about my ideas or other concepts.

    ______

    Dear Mark,

    First of all I got into alcohol and other drugs because I was bored / sad about my life. That’s just the old habit, now I think that I keep it in moderation.
    I try to be nice for other people and smile, have positive attitude generally.
    Sometimes when I help other people I wonder, if they’re worth it? I mean, do some people even deserve to get help? That’s kinda weird thinking, I know.

    And yeah, sometimes I’m overthinking about something before I actually do that and I mostly consider all the bad things. That’s where my fear strikes and prevents me from doing anything. I know I can overcome my anxienty but sometimes I’m just overthinking and fail.

    Thank you so much for all the tips.

    #157302
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dereck:

    This is a fresh start for you and it is exciting. There is the anxiety, but you can make it through it.

    You wrote in your post before last: “Maybe I shouldn’t be harshly judging / criticizing them like this but I think life should be lead in more ‘spiritual way’”- I don’t think you are harshly judging people when you … judge them for judging you harshly. In your fresh start, choose the people in your life. Avoid those who rain-on-your-parade and invite those who accept you and encourage your fresh start.

    You are welcome and post again, anytime you want input.

    anita

    #157362
    Dereck
    Participant

    Dear anita,

    that’s what I want to do also – surround myself with people that have positive attitude and encourage each other. I also aim to know wiser and more experienced people in certain ways to learn from them.

    #157436
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Dereck:

    Reads good to me! Do choose the people in your life, as much as possible. This will make a big difference! And do learn as you go along. As you observe people, you can see what behavior is effective and what is not. Many intelligent people behave ineffectively and suffer for it (as well as making others suffer!) So don’t be fooled by rational intelligence/ academic education when it is not coupled by emotional intelligence/wisdom.

    anita

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