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How to let go

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  • March 14, 2018 at 5:36 am #197169
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rainbow:

    I have  no knowledge or understanding of the online events that affected you so badly. You didn’t explain any of it. And it is okay, your choice, of course.

    Trying “to be mindful when thinking and speaking” is an excellent  idea.

    anita

    March 14, 2018 at 5:47 am #197171
    Rainbow
    Participant

    Yeah though I am trying to explain the essence of it,looks like it’s not coming through. May the shame is not allowing me to put down the matter. I’ll work on erasing these memories and hopefully one day those events should remain  a past memory, when I heal completely.  Thanks Anita.

    March 14, 2018 at 7:39 am #197193
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rainbow

    You are welcome. If you in the future would like to explain, you are welcome to do so here.

    Erasing these memories… I don’t think it is possible to erase memories, especially memories glued in our brain, so to speak, with emotion. Strong emotions make strong glue, resisting to erasing or to being forgotten otherwise.

    anita

    March 15, 2018 at 4:00 am #197355
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rainbow:

    Four years ago you made some posts on an internet forum on a sensitive topic. You believe that you were preachy and came across “all righteous” in those posts and that you “definitely hurt and caused confusion to so many people.” For two years after the posting you went through “a bad psychological phase”

    You often think about going back to the forum, four years after posting there, to apologize. Following the postings, people on another forum have given you the following input on the matter:

    1. Your guilt is exaggerated.

    2. Some situations in life remain open ended.

    3.  It is impossible to change the past.

    4. If one person liked the posts you made, then they weren’t that awful.

    5. You are not a superwoman, and so, you are not powerful enough “to cause divisions in a community”.

    You wrote (four years after the posting): “I just kept falling deeper into the pit…  obsessive thoughts that I could make such a huge mistake… after this incident I feel like I am just existing, like a zombie…I have wheezing, migraines and some sort of chronic pain.”

    Clearly your guilt predates those internet postings and has nothing to do with it. It only latched on those postings of four years ago and it feels like those postings are the cause, a terrible wrongdoing on your part. But the guilt is from before. It likely came about in the context of your relationships with either one or two of your parents.

    To forgive yourself, which is your quest, got to identify the origin of the guilt: would you like to share about your perceived wrongdoing earlier in life, in the context of your relationship with one of your parents?

    anita

     

     

     

    March 15, 2018 at 8:53 am #197405
    Rainbow
    Participant

    Yes Anita, the incident just worsened the already ingrained stuff. You are right about the realtionships you mention. The posts were on these lines as well. Now, I am working on deep rooted stuff , not related to any incident, recognising that the internet situation just served as a trigger to turn my whole life upside down. My problem stems 90 % from within and 10% outside, actually is 100% within me ?

    Thank you Anita 🙂

    March 15, 2018 at 9:10 am #197415
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rainbow:

    You are welcome. Regarding whether your “problem stems 90% from within… (or) 100% within (you)”- depends. If you are still in a troubling relationship with a parent or parents, then the problem still exists outside of you, hurting the inside of you. If you are no longer in a troubling relationship with a parent or parents, then the problem is inside of you. Our parents have …mental representatives in our brain, representative who keep playing the parents’ messages.

    Which case is it, for you?

    anita

    March 15, 2018 at 9:50 am #197427
    Rainbow
    Participant

    Yes that’s the case with me. I am slowly healing though. Meditation is helping me go within to reach the root. I tried counseling and therapy as well. Right now I am in a much  better place. 🙂

    March 15, 2018 at 10:44 am #197445
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rainbow:

    Slowly healing is the only way we can heal, slowly, bit by bit. Post again anytime.

    anita

    March 15, 2018 at 9:12 pm #197537
    Rainbow
    Participant

    Yes Anita, that’s true 🙂

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