How to let it go?

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    Hello everyone,

    Ive been having a strange problem recently. Im in the best relationship in my life, i feel so great, so happy. Other things in my life are also going very well. Everything would be perfect but… I don’t know why I can’t stop thinking about my ex-boyfriend… Its not like I miss him! Quite opposite. I was in a very bad relationship with him during 8 months. Since the beggining he was treating me very bad. He would never care for me and I really needed it. We’ve never did nothing exciting together, he has never inspired me to do something interesting. He was just smoking weed all the time (I don’t smoke) and together we were just laying down, having sex or going to the party (and fight a lot, he was insulting me very badly always). I just felt so empty in this relation. If you want to know more, I described him here: http://tinybuddha.com/topic/am-i-too-demanding/

    Anyways, I just feel very bad that I lost so many time of my life for this person. That I gave my body to him. That I knew everything was so wrong but I remained like this 8 months…
    I can’t explain it well but everytime i think about him I feel disgust, i feel sorrow, i feel guilty. This relation is the only thing i would like to delete from my life. But as I can’t do it, i would like to ask you, maybe you have some advice how to let it go? How to accept the past and stop reproaching it?

    Thank you in advance!


    • This topic was modified 8 years ago by Aida.

    Dear Aida:

    People make mistakes, everyone makes mistakes, and mistakes of different lengths. Your mistake was eight month long. A mistake. Learn from it, learn what behaviors you will never accept and tolerate again. Learn what kind of guy you don’t want ever again. Learn you do have VALUE and self respect and that you will always act as valuable, respected. Learn that the mistake you made, the eight month long mistake, hurts you STILL because it hurts a WORTHY person to be treated as if worthless. If you were really worthless, it would not be hurting now. The lesson: you are worthy and you need to treat yourself and be treated as such.

    I know a man, a neighbor who made a similar mistake to yours, staying in a relationship where he is disrespected and unloved for too long. Way longer than eight months. So far he is married to a woman who disrespects him and has nothing nice to say about him, well he has been with her since 1950 something, that is sixty something YEARS!



    Hi Aida,

    It’s natural to want to turn a bad experience around. It would be great if he apologized to you, praised you publically, tried to make it up to you. That will probably not happen. I should, though. It SHOULD.

    Sometimes it’s only knowing what we DON’T want that you find out what you DO want!

    So chances are your future relationships will only be better!

    Don’t beat yourself up. You gave him eight months because we see our own goodness in others. Well he’s not as good as you. The eight months you gave him was a gift.

    Hang in there!



    hi Aida,

    How young are you so I can talk to u accordingly.

    Here are some prescription:
    1. pray every morning n night to help u to let go (or anytime when the obsession is intense)
    2. widen your social scope(join meetup/social services to help)/ daily actitivities (gym, exercise to sweat out, meditation of letting go and law of attraction) to meet more people/guys (only the brighter ones, be selective)
    3. read more good book to gain wisdom ( Bibles and sprtitual scritptures) – have a healthy concept of romantic relationship (wait until marriage, in control when come to sex, not submissive, u r the Queen, not a whore!)
    4. be careful in choosing friends n relationship, pray for discernment in guys’ quality ( quality control!)
    5. if u r lonely, dont be desperate for sex or men. channel your love in alternative ways which are more worthywhile, like loving your family, or working w children n animals, patients, needies.


    I like pinkdolphinee’s advice except I think you should definitely add some sex in there…You can call it stress management if you want. Hell, put it in the “exercise to sweat out” category if you want.

    It’s not to channel love or for any long term purpose, so you can make do with whatever attractive option you have available. Be selective where it matters, he doesn’t have to be super bright, actually brightness doesn’t matter at all. He can be a dim wit that you find appealing – and you can totally skip the quality control implementation…Just use protection and you are good to go.

    Have fun! Fingers crossed that your new stress management partner is a little more exciting than the guy pinkdolphinee finds.

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