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How to live without fear

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • #96308
    Shelly
    Participant

    Over 4 months ago, I found out that the guy I was dating had lied to me for over a year. My impression of who he was, was completely false. I discovered that he was a secret drug addict, and some pretty scary things happened towards the end of the relationship. For example, he had bought a car from a friend, and they had an agreement on monthly payments. My ex stopped paying, and he got served papers to go to court. Instead of being a normal person, he staged a robbery of his own vehicle. He came to me one day crying saying he had been robbed and his car was stolen and “they” knew where I lived because they made him drive him home so they could drop him off and take his car. This was his reasoning for why he didn’t want to go to the police. After breaking up with him, I was in contact with the detective and he was sure that this was all drug related, and when they found his car, the guy who had it knew about the court date and said he was “holding on” to the car as a favor.

    I was not in contact with my ex at all. I heard he was in treatment again, and so I just went and moved on. Last month, he started contacting me. He sent me an e-mail first telling me he was sorry and thanked me for everything I did for him. He admitted to doing drugs, but lied about everything else. I ignored everything until he called me from a different number. I thought it was someone else and answered. He was clearly on something, and he sound very strange telling me ” I should get off the phone” and basically told me that I hurt him and I need to stay of out his fu**ing life.

    I haven’t heard from him since, and he’s been blocked in every way, but I can’t help but to always feel scared. Like, I don’t know if he will try to come to my house or something. Anytime I try to sleep, I have to check my whole house, and every time I hear a noise, I get paranoid and get up and check everything again. I feel scared to go outside and always have my pepper spray in my pocket. I’m tired of living in fear. He was never violent towards me, but when he is on drugs he is a different person, and I don’t know what he is capable of. My hope is that as time goes on, he just moves on and leaves me alone. But I want to stop feeling scared all the time.

    Any advice?

    #96339
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Shelly:

    I am sorry you are going through this. It is a shame. One option, maybe, is to move? Another: better locks, an alarm system? Otherwise, continue to have no contact with him or with anyone he knows and put distance of time between you and him.

    The fact that he was never violent toward you and never threatened you to cause you harm is encouraging!

    anita

    #96451
    Shelly
    Participant

    I did move from my old apartment since the lease was up, but I have to stay with my mom while getting some finances together and he does know where she lives. We do have good locks here so that is good.

    I think I am being paranoid most of the time. He never showed any signs of violence. I guess I just got spooked when he called me and then cussed me out when I told him not to. I haven’t talked to him since then which was over a month ago, so time will be the healer, I suppose.

    Thank you, Anita.

    #96452
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Shelly,

    Just read your post and all of this sounds really scary. Not to mention that your ex is a drug dealer and convict!

    It’s good to know that you are safe and in good hands but I really feel that you need to go to a civil court in your area, stand in front of a judge and explain everything that has happened to you, so that you can file an order of protection against him. You can even ask the judge for a 2-3 year protection order. A drug dealer mixed with a pathological liar, is just downright scary!

    I wish you well and nothing but the best.

    M.

    #96455
    Shelly
    Participant

    ElleTinker700 – I’m not sure that he was a dealer (who knows, though!), but he was buying them from someone, and there is a lot about him that I don’t know about. And while he never went to jail, he should have.

    I’ve heard I can’t get one unless I am being threatened which I’m not. Of course if he ever did again, I would go for one. My main tactic right now is to stop any communication, and forget his name and hope he forgets mine.

    #96463
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Well, I have never been in your situation before and it sounds quite scary frankly. A drug addict is definitely very mentally unstable, that’s why they are addicts as you know. Luckily I never dated anyone with that problem. Even if you don’t feel threatened, if he’s contacting you and it’s bothering you that much “My main tactic right now is to stop any communication, and forget his name and hope he forgets mine.” With what you just said, you can go to a civil court and get an injunction against harassment court order, which prevents him from contacting you in any type of way for 1-3 years. They are easy to get, effective and it doesn’t cost that much money at all to have him served at his place of employment, a relatives house, his sister or brothers house. Anybody who is in connection with him that’s a family member of his can be served as well, to make sure he gets the message from you by getting the papers/injunction against harassment. That you are indeed not playing mind games with him and that you are serious about cutting all ties with him.

    Sending you lots of positivity, love and light that he will be non-existent the rest of your life.

    #96466
    Shelly
    Participant

    I didn’t know that was an option. Thank you!

    #96470
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    You are very welcome. I wish you nothing but happiness.

    M.

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