AKA my username is acowinthebarn

aka this is how I learned to do it

K so first off, said it before say it again, I’m not good with the written word…or the verbal, so, bear with me.

So, I’ve said it before that I don’t have self-esteem issues, I’m not self conscious about anything that can’t be easily fixed. Only thing that bothers me about my body that I find valid to be self-conscious about is how the area above my left eye lid droops down just enough to be noticeable.

Anyway, even when I was a teenager, I never had issues. Funnily enough I think I…wanted?? to have issues…f-for some reason. I think I wanted the attention but in the more, “I’m not getting enough at home.” Kind of way…although, pretty sure that’s why most people do it.

‘Course, now things have changed and I’m grateful as fuck that I don’t have issues with myself.

So I’m gonna try and tell you how I stay this way.

There’s a lot that goes into it, and by that I mean, a lot you might need to know beforehand. The human psychology, your own self-awareness, how to find good friends, etc.

Be mad at the world, but don’t blame it. Be mad enough at the world to think you’re above it, but don’t act like it…’course, doesn’t mean I’m saying to be humble…just…don’t be a dick. You ever heard of “Running on spite alone?” It’s like that in a way.

Admit your faults, find your flaws, find the source, and accept it. Accept that it can also be changed when you want to change it. Hell, maybe you don’t want to change it right now because you’re too busy with other shit and this isn’t worth your time. That’s perfectly valid.

Ignore the stupid shit people say, it’s not worth your time. I don’t care what you think of me, it’s not helping me, I’m not gonna let your shitty opinions drag me down…because

Again

You’ve already found the flaws they might be pointing out – the sad thing is, a lot of insults have some sort of truth. They take something small that no one cares about and multiplies it by 100 because…a…fuckin’ they wanna be dicks?? I don’t know why people are so rude sometimes. Anyway, you’ve found the flaws they’re pointing out and accepted them and made peace with them. So who cares?? This is also why, if they choose to insult something that’s not even true, you just…don’t care.

Multiply your hardships by 10 and be proud that you’ve made it through them. Find really small things during those hardships that might have been considered small inconveniences and make them feel like they were some of the hardest things you’ve had to go through…of course…don’t actually tell your story like that. This isn’t about making you look like a survivor when you might not be – this is for your own self to know and no one else. The point of this is to be so proud of yourself to the point that small shit doesn’t get to you. This works even better if you’ve actually been through some really hard shit like I have.

I never said this was about being true to yourself completely – fuck that. FUCK being humble. FUCK bowing your head or bending your knee. You don’t bow to anyone, you will not be talked down to – you are the Queen or King of your god damn castle and you will not be told otherwise.

Your hair lookin’ good today? Flaunt that shit, but don’t bring others down. Someone says otherwise? They’re dead to you.

Be selfish, compliment yourself, and…I don’t know the guidelines for this site about NSFW work stuff, so I’ll just say…self pleasure is also a wonderful way to love yourself. Such a weird stigma around it and I entirely blame religion. There’s literally nothing wrong with making yourself feel good. If something feels good and has no drawbacks…why…wouldn’t you do it??

Anyway – the thing that I can’t really help with is how you can accept your flaws. You aren’t a flawless person. No one is. I think that’s how a lot of people actually start to be self-conscious. You walk around thinking you’re perfect, and if you’re not hurting anyone in the process, that’s great but it’s such a delicate way to think because if one person can get through to you, you’re crushed. Because you face the reality that you aren’t flawless.

If you can accept that you aren’t flawless, accept those flaws, make piece with them, and even find the good in them…what the hell can hurt you??

“Fatass!” Fuck yeah I am, and I love how this damn burger tastes. OR, alternatively…I sure as fuck am and I can easily lose weight if I fucking wanted to. Nothing wrong with being fat scientifically. Only thing wrong with being fat is what society says is wrong. I know I might sound like a 13 year old blaming society, but, fucking what else is there to blame?? The fucking animals? They don’t care – in fact they probably want to be fat. Your damn books on your bookshelf don’t care! It’s just other people that do and who cares what they think??

“Idiot!”  I SURE AM. I SURE AM. I’ve got the 3.6 GPA to prove it…K but for real, who cares if you’re a bit behind or just…actually dumb? I really am an idiot myself, but I know I have other shit to make up for that..plus, my intelligence really never comes into my daily life.

You get the point.

I’ll try to same this up with…

Be mad at the world, but don’t blame it. Be aware of yourself and learn from it and love it. Be above others but don’t show it…don’t tolerate being talked down to, though. Be selfish but not vain.

..ALSO THIS APPLIES TO FAMILY

They’re opinions especially don’t matter. Mostly because they think they have some weird familial hold on you so they think they can say whatever the fuck they want. The only thing tying you and your family together is blood, and blood ain’t a chain unless it’s out of your body, frozen and molded, and you’re already dead.  Ever heard the phrase, “Blood is thicker than water?” K well the actual phrase is, “Blood on the battlefield is thicker than water in the womb.”