Wow, as I read your post I immediately looked to see the day if was posted making sure it’s not from like 2011 lol

The exact same thing happened to me recently, like eerily so. My fiance and I broke up last April.

We lived in ATL and dated for about 3 years when the corporate company announced the office was moving up to Cincinnati, Ohio.

I had family in Chicago but we didn’t know a soul in Ohio. We came look at houses in December 2015 and we we’re living in Cincinnati a month later. In between this time we had found a small old house in the same town as his office (which I also started working for when we moved up)

Our friends and family threw us a goodbye party which is when he proposed. We had gone threw the same issue with porn early on in our relationship and it destroyed the very little self esteem and self confidence I had, something that I still battle today.

We hadn’t planned anything in terms of a wedding, we made excuses like just getting used to uprooting our lives, money, etc. But in the end I ended up getting in trouble April 2017, which is when we broke up.

The first 2 weeks I was literally in mourning, just over the relationship, even though I knew it was the right decision for both of us.

After that, it got better and our lease was up in June and we moved to separate apartments, 3 blocks away from each other in Cincinnati.

We still worked at the same  company which I knew was the start of a career for me which was the first thing that went well for me besides him. Ultimately, I got laid off in October 2017.

I just recently started a new job and I can tell you I know exactly how you feel and can relate on every level!

Oh, and I’m 26 lol

If you ever want to talk, I’m always always here!

You got this girl, stay strong!

Dear Maya55:

You don’t read to me “weird and going crazy”. Feeling numb is not weird or crazy, it can simply be a break that the brain takes, a break from strong emotions. Don’t be alarmed by feeling numb, as in thinking: am I weird or going crazy?

Humans and other animals go numb when in distress. In nature it is called the Freeze response to perceived danger (Flight, Fight and Freeze, the three responses). The perceived danger is the emotional pain that you expect.

But that emotional pain that you fear, you already experienced it and survived it. It only feels dangerous, it is not really dangerous, isn’t it?

anita

Dear Maya55:

“it’s just the feeling of not being good enough that kills me”- it is a shame that the legacy of this relationship, what it leaves behind, in your mind and life, is more of the not-good-enough feeling. It is a good thing that this relationship has ended, then, because you definitely don’t need yet more of that feeling.

What woman messaged you that he broke up with you because you are ugly, why such a cruel message to you?

anita

Dear Maya55:

This feeling of not being good enough, and needing to prove your worth probably existed in you before this relationship, probably while you were a child. Correct?

anita

Dear Maya55:

You wrote that your father and your mother argued and you were in between. It reads to me that you are holding your father responsible for those arguments, not your mother. Is it so?

anita

Dear Maya55:

A terrible thing for him to have said to you.

The arguing, I wish they didn’t argue in your presence. I suppose your mother was angry at him, a whole lot but stayed anyway, “no matter what he did or said.”

So your mother and father are still together?

I wonder how she is dealing with her anger at him as she stays, and how you are dealing with your anger at him, knowing they are together and spending time with them, I suppose?

anita