Ok, so, a bit of background information about this before I get started.

When I was 9, I had touched my little brother while changing his diaper. I felt guilty about this and confessed this to my mom at 13, to which she replied that it was normal and I had nothing to worry about.

Now, the second incident. It happened when I was again 13, just months before the whole confession. I had been masterbating when my now five year old little brother exclaimed that his mouth hurt. So, I did the only thing I could do at that time, dug inside to see what was the problem. Then I remembered where my hands had been shortly before and I quickly took them out. I thought nothing of it, until now. I feel disgusting and ashamed, and the worse part is, I don’t know how to confess this. “Hey mom, when I was 13, I masturbated and then touched  inside my five year old brother’s mouth! Hope you understand!” She would completely disown me, regardless if it was an accident or not. My mother is a very clean person and to know that her daughter did this would be inexcusable. She would abandon me, and to be honest, I would not blame her.

I apologized to my brother, (whose oblivious to the whole situation), and have tried to connect with him again. I’m the oldest of five, but yet I’m the one to cause the most harm. I feel as though I don’t deserve my family or their love, but I’m too scared and disgusted to confess. What do I do? I love my family, more than anything in the world and I don’t want to lose them because of something disgusting and iditocic I did. What should I do?