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How to stabilize the ups and downs?

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  • January 12, 2017 at 6:47 am #125098
    sf
    Participant

    My emotional “ups and downs”-roller coster is/have been hard on me and I just want to stabilize that, at least for a while to I can catch my breath. I would appreciate some advice.

    When I’m up…I’m a warrior, pursuing my destiny and making my dreams a reality. Taking care of my parents, siblings, wife and daughter!
    When I’m down…I’m not present. I escape reality by wasting my time of stuff that drain my energy so I can manage to collapse into sleep at the end of the day.

    Some might advice me to analyze the source of my down periods. And I’ve tried that, it did not do me any good. I come from a harsh background and have thrived through many difficult circumstances. I don’t live in the past, I try to live in the now. Getting lost inside memories and reliving emotions, guessing what is making me broken is not something I would like to do. Instead I accept that I’m broken and strive to minimize the downs and maximize the ups.

    January 12, 2017 at 7:55 am #125099
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sfw01:

    I would focus on the up times, when you are a warrior. Wikipedia has an entry on “warrior”. It reads there: “In many societies in which a specialized warrior class exists, specific codes of conduct (ethical code or honor code) are established to ensure that the warrior class is not corrupted or otherwise dangerous to the rest of society. Common features include valuing honor in the forms of faith, loyalty and courage.”

    * Does this fit with your understanding of “warrior”?

    In your own post you described what you do in your life when you are a warrior: “pursuing my destiny and making my dreams a reality. Taking care of my parents, siblings, wife and daughter!”

    * Will you tell more about the destiny you mentioned, the destiny you are pursuing? Your dreams?

    And regarding taking care of your daughter- I understand, it is your legal and ethical responsibility, if she is of minor age. Wife- I hope the two of you take care of each other.

    * Parents and siblings- why are you taking care of them and what is the nature of that care?

    anita

    January 12, 2017 at 11:52 am #125118
    Peter
    Participant

    Archetypes are the larger-than-life, mythic-scale personifications of the stages that we pass through as we mature. The youth, the lover, the wanderer, the joker, the warrior, the healer, king or queen, the wise man, the mystic, the hero – each of course has there shadow side.

    The warrior can be a helpful Archetype to tap into, especially in certain stages of life, however if one sided I would think it could be tiring.

    The reluctance or fear of getting lost inside memories and reliving emotions could point to an unconscious repression, a shadow influencing your present in unexpected ways. Reflecting on the past does not have to mean getting lost in memory and reliving emotions.

    Perhaps you might enjoy reading about Archetypes as a way to reflect without getting lost.

    I like the following books
    ‘King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature’ by Robert Moore (Applies to woman as well)

    ‘Women Who Run With the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype’ by Clarissa Pinkola Estés (applies to men as well – the masculine and famine as archetypes are not about gender)

    And if you want to challenge
    ‘When The Past Is Present: Healing The Emotional Wounds That Sabotage Our Relationships’
    Or
    ‘Shadow Dance’ both by David Richo

    January 12, 2017 at 12:58 pm #125122
    Josh
    Participant

    i recognize alot of self awareness in your post. you seem to have a pretty well rounded understanding of what your highs and lows look like, and what their sources are. this is a crucial part of maintaining balance. balance is what you are seeking here. a good tip is to avoid all these extreme highs. they have a similar effect as an extreme low in that they pull you away from your emotional center and may leave you stranded with only a hair-thin tether to bring you back to the source. i think you are in a good place either way and that continuing to examine yourself, regardless of your other courses of action, is a solid idea.

    josh

    January 13, 2017 at 1:22 am #125151
    sf
    Participant

    Dear @anita
    Thank you. By breaking down my description you made me think of how I see myself and my life by the words I’m using, that helped me see things more clearly. You have a special gift for that.

    I see a “Warrior” as someone who have struggled with life’s battles despite the odds. Winning some, losing some. Changing reality. Gaining wisdom.

    My destiny is running my own business. By that I can gain the best ratio of getting/giving value for invested time – time is the most precious gift we have – and i feel like I’m wasting it working for someone else. When I work on something that matter to me and give great amount of energy to it, I’m at the peak of my “up” period – I feel unstoppable then. That’s my dream and vision. But before I can get there I have to keep punching the clock, working 2/3 of the waking day to provide for my family. Maybe stealing one or two hours here and there to put on my side projects, hoping that in a few years one of them can get me there.

    I take care of my parents and siblings by being there for them in every way possible. When things get hard I’m the one to turn to, I’m the problem solver.

    If all I see is darkness around me when I’m at my down period – disappearing in my mind – I doubt that I can get where I would like to be or even be there for my loved ones. That’s why I have to find a viable solution to minimize the downs, find some process to drag myself up.

    January 13, 2017 at 1:32 am #125152
    sf
    Participant

    @Peter,

    I didn’t know of these books and I’m happy for the info. Will definitely read some. Thank you.


    @impossiblecolors    , Josh, thanks for the advice. Maybe balance for a while is what I need. I will try to work on getting that for a few months. It is achievable. I wouldn’t know if this balance will affect my positive aspects (energy, desires, will) in a negative way before trying, but I’m willing to experiment.

    January 13, 2017 at 9:57 am #125179
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear sfw01:

    You are welcome and thank you for your comment.

    You wrote that you don’t want to get “lost inside memories and reliving emotions”- that guessing the source of your brokenness did not help you in the past, and you want, instead, to “accept that I’m broken and strive to minimize the downs and maximize the ups”-

    Minimize the downs, maximize the ups- a computerized way of thinking, very rational. Absolutely logical. Except that to minimize the downs you have to know the nature of those downs.

    You have to know how your brain operates. Clearly, if you could, by logic alone, minimize the downs, you would not be having any downs at all.

    Here is how you do it, and I am stating it confidently because I am confident about it:

    You bring up the past, not so to get lost in it, but so to learn about the present. The past is relived in the present. Learn the past for one reason, and one reason only: to understand how you operate in the present. it is not an easy aim or process but I don’t see a way around it.

    And so, when you are having a down time, what are the thoughts you are having, and what are the feelings associated with those thoughts (these are the thoughts and feelings you try to distract yourself from and therefore wasting your time)?

    anita

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