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How to stop nagging

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  • #148619
    claref
    Participant

    We have our own tasks in the house, he helps with the bins and the pots – without asking 90% of the time. This helps me alot.

    However, in the grand scheme of things house hold chores are not really important.

    The problems we have are more important:

    • He said he would complete a spreadsheet for my business and i asked 3/4 times and he wont give me a deadline (he says he doesn’t want to do that, he will complete when he has time) – not realising the importance. So the 5th time i ask i blow my top off.
    • I need invoices for a house we have been doing up, so that i can show the council that the property was not habital at the time of purchase, so we get a reduction in costs – i asked for these like 4 times and he still hasn’t done it
    • He needs to ring solicitor to find out about the management company (our new home is going in his name) – so they won’t speak to me

     

    If i can do the above myself, I will do, but some things which are out of my control i can’t – so what do i do? I ask calmly like 3/4 times, every few days and say “ok” to what he hasn’t done. Then the 5th time it normally ends in an argument, he tells me i need to stop nagging and trust he will do stuff.

    If I did just trust… like i have before, nothing gets done at all.

    I have asked him for a solution, i’ve tried having an app where i can add things on for him to remember (as he is busy) – he doesn’t check the app.

    I don’t want to nag or keep asking. What do i do? I though the best solution would be he could give me a date he would have it done by so i dont have to ask – he said he is not like me, he doesnt work to strict deadlines.

     

    HELP.

    #148621
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi cleref,

    The two solutions are:

    1. Hire another man to do it. (They don’t like this and will generally do the task before the guy comes over and then fire them.) Say, “You are so busy, otherwise you would do it so I hired someone.”

    2. If it’s something that truly only he can do, let him do it (or not do it) and then watch him fall on their face. I know this is hard.

    And in the future don’t go into anything with him that you can’t take charge of yourself. You don’t want to be the nagging wife.

    Good Luck!

    Inky

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Inky.
    #148919
    Susannah
    Participant

    Dear Claref,

     

    sorry to say, but everything you write about sounds like you do not have a marriage in the true sense at all. Where has all closeness and intimacy disappeared? I suggest that you focus on those and all mundane matters – which you write about above – will fall into place. When your husband feels your love and care, he will do everything in his power to help your “everyday life” run smoothly. Trust me! 🙂

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