How to trust people and open up?

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This topic has 4 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 8 months ago by Etchy.

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March 22, 2015 at 5:21 pm #74268

Elisha Cruz
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Hello. I am a huge introvert while my partner can’t get enough of the company of others. I don’t trust, well really anyone unless it’s family or good friends. Every time he has friends over, I exclude myself upstairs. I don’t really care to associate with them or be polite because I think of the potential harm they could bring to my home. I am especially lecturing him about bringing people over when he barely knows them. And there has been a case where we found out that person was in a gang and had a hard time slowly parting away from them. My head thinks it’s logical to block everyone away but my soul knows that it’s not right. But, I don’t understand the discipline as to where that line is where I should separate myself from a particular person. Right now I shut off everyone and conversation is awkward because it feels completely forced on my part. But I would like to be open to new relationships. I would like advice as to how I can begin this process.

March 23, 2015 at 1:56 pm #74329
Cindy
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I can relate to your situation. Like you, I am an introvert and I feel overwhelmed by too much interaction with other people. Yet, you say that your soul knows that you need to connect with more people. Here is what I do to be able to trust and connect with more people.

1. Listen to your gut feelings. Your intuition will help you figure out who is good for you and who is toxic. The more you pay attention to your gut, the stronger your intuition will become.

2. Learn all you can about spotting toxic behavior such as emotional manipulation, verbal abuse and narcissism. Then, you will be more able to separate those who can be trusted from those who can’t.

3. Take baby steps. Try making one new acquaintance and take your time getting to know that person, always listening to your instincts and being aware of any manipulative behavior.

4. Spend enough time by yourself and limit the amount of time you spend socializing. Introverts need time to themselves to replenish and rest. Try spending one hour a week doing something social that is outside of your comfort-zone and see how that goes.

You also mentioned that conversation feels forced and awkward. My way around this is to ask the other person a lot of questions. People like to talk about themselves and they really like others who are good listeners!

If you ask questions, you may find things that you have in common with the other person that can help build conversation and friendship.

I hope some of these ideas help. 🙂
- This reply was modified 9 years, 8 months ago by Cindy.
March 25, 2015 at 7:39 pm #74433

Robert Indries
Participant

Hello Elisha and welcome to the community!

I may not be the best person to help you, but I might know someone who can!

Susan Cain: http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts?language=en

She is an introvert that has much to say about both how to accept yourself and how to adapt in “a World that can’t stop talking,” as she calls it.

Her work might prove useful to you, as it is for tens of millions of other introverts.

Hope this helps! Have a wonderful day!

Creating a better tomorrow,
Robert

March 25, 2015 at 7:42 pm #74434

AlanL
Participant

Elisha,

You open up to people, but you don’t necessarily trust them. Forming relationships and bonds is in itself a kind of game. You put on a “mask” (easy-going, thoughtful, positive, bright) and approach another person and try to get to know that person through small-talk. At the same time, you try the best you could to keep your own “mask” on. After a few conversations, you form an opinion about that person and then you decide whether or not you want to make friends with him/her. The key is to never give in to your emotions.

If you feel that conversations are awkward, that’s because you still need practice. Don’t be afraid of the mistakes you make. Because you can always renew your image by saying something good in the next conversation with another person/same person.

And remember, keep on practicing…

March 30, 2015 at 10:47 pm #74709

Etchy
Participant

I recently had to address this issue in my own Self. At first it may seem that other people are the problem and the ones not to trust. It’s okay to feel that way, but it may not be an ideal belief to hold if you want to overcome this situation. I truth is, you and I both need to trust ourselves more than we currently do. And this means loving ourselves more wholly. Have you heard of the saying “You need to love yourself before you can love someone else”? Well that applies to trust also. “I don’t trust, well really anyone unless it’s family or good friends.” I can relate 100%. But I know it’s not an introvert thing, it’s a Self-trust issue. Why? Because we can only trust other people to the extent that we can trust ourselves. Same goes for love.

I hope this helped.
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