June 5, 2015 at 12:31 pm #77768
Hi! I've been feeling very distant and lonely lately, I was wondering if there was anyone in a similar situation as me.
I used to have a best friend who I held dear it was like we where boyfriend and girlfriend, everything felt right and natural when I was with her. Unfortunately we went out separate ways after a fight and we are no longer friends. It almost felt like I was going through a breakup, it hurt that much to lose her knowing the friendship was something I would not find easily again. Before I met her I was depressed and I did not have many friends, finding her and connecting with her made me happy and confident again. I do not believe we can be friends again anytime soon, things where pretty nasty and she broke off all contact unfortunately.
My problem is that I feel like I make friends quickly, but I don't share a connection with them, I always feel distant.
I've always felt lonely rather quickly. I really need meaningful and deep connections with my friends. I do have a few friends left who care about me and they are really lovely, I just don't feel that connection when I'm around them. Even tough I do like them a lot, and they like me, It feels like I'm just killing time when I'm with them. This is not because they are bad company, or that we don't share meaningful conversations or interests because we do. I cry and I laugh with my new friends, they don't live in the same city as me so we don't wee each other a lot but at times we both travel to see each other.
I feel like these people make an effort to be in my life, but still I don't feel complete. I am unhappy with my social life and I don't know how to fix it. I feel lonely and distant even through I still have some lovely friends who care about me. I have tried meeting new people, online, at parties, hobby clubs. But it feels like it's all the same, even when I meet with someone outside of that activity and they become my friend, I still don't feel a connection. I also feel that when loneliness overwhelms me, I reach out to the friends that I have now and meet up with them, but It doesn't help. I also wonder if sometimes, I'm just making friends for the sake of not feeling alone, maybe that is a bad thing.
It's not that I am ungrateful, I have a lot to smile for and I have a great life with many lovely people. I truly believe the problem lies with me, and I just don't know how to fix it. I connect with my surroundings easily, but I just never feel ‘connected' There's always something missing, and it's becoming more and more apparent since I lost my best friend.June 5, 2015 at 3:29 pm #77772
Hi, amethystt. I'm sorry about you and your friend. I've had similar experiences and while some were easy tolet go others were quite painful. I'm sorry you feel lonely. I am prone to feeling like that too sometimes, and those times no matter how much time I spend with my friends I can't seem to feel content. Of course the reasons for this might be different in your case, but with me I feel the problem is that I feel lonely in my own company.
Then one thing I noticed from your post is that you mention having friends who care about you…and I feel it's important to ask: do you have friends YOU care for? Do you care about their lives, their problems, etc? Maybe this feeling of not having meaningful connections stems partly from there. After all, connecting is a two way highway. I find that while it's important for me to feel like my friends care about me it's equally important for me to take time and get out of my head, focus on them, ask how they are doing because doing so makes me feel connected to them.
Just my two cents. I hope you feel better. Hugs.June 6, 2015 at 8:54 am #77785
You wrote about your friend who is no longer your friend: “everything felt right and natural when I was with her.” Did you look back and within yourself and examined WHAT was different with her? What about the relationship with her made it different from your relationships with other friends? What was it about HER behavior and what was it about YOUR behavior with her that made for a better, deeper, stronger connection?
That may help you in figuring out what in others you need and what in you that you need to externalize, express with a friends for a better connection.
anitaJune 7, 2015 at 7:15 pm #77833
Dear our kind ametthyst,
You said that you don't feel complete when you have a relationship with your friend, do YOU let yourself be content with the relationship you have right now? Sometimes when we are separated with those who are dear to us (maybe in this case is your best friend), we could be unconsciously comparing the happy moments we had in the past with the present moment. Maybe you felt this way? If you are, then try to remind yourself that it is NOT comparable. Every moment is constantly changing and that happiness is created inside. Try to relax and enjoy the very moment you had, because the present is the only time you have. Both past and future is just in our mind..
Have a great present time! 🙂
lots of mettaJune 8, 2015 at 1:53 am #77840
if you really cherish that friendship with your that good friend that has broke with you, how about trying to connect with her again and apologise to her? Well you may not be in the wrong but sometimes we hurt our friends without knowing it. If I were you, I will try hard to reach out to her to apologise. In the end, she may or may not accept your apology by at least you tried and you know your mind will be at peace knowing that you have tried.
To be honest, I am also in a similiar situation as you, i.e. i have many friends, some close some not so close but i also find it difficult to connect with them, including those that I am closed to. Very often, I find myself nothing to talk about even when I am in an outing with my closed friends. It is weird but this feeling has been with me for many years already and I did not try to find a way to fix it. Hence, I can comprehend the loneliness in you as I do feel very lonely too. Perhaps the way to kill our loneliness is to find some hobbies or interest to kill our time. You may want to find things to do that interest you. As for friends, I have come to realisation that not all friends click with us. If we want to connect with our friends, probably we also need to put in some effort to try to connect with them. It takes two hands to clap. I wish you all the best in seeking out true friends that could connect with you.
Have a lovely day,
EmmaJune 8, 2015 at 5:25 am #77851
Hey! Thanks for replying 🙂 I have tried to reach out to her to talk, but unfortunately she did not want to and removed and blocked me from all social platforms and phone. It's sad because we don't live close to each other either. It still shocks me that she said she did not want to be friends with me anymore, it came (to me) out of nowhere. I might try to reach out to her via mail, but I don't think it will ever be the same again because I am also very upset about the way she handled things.
I guess we just have to accept that we are more prone to feeling lonely that others might be. Maybe we just need to try and deepen the connection we have with out current friends.
Thanks again 🙂June 8, 2015 at 5:27 am #77853
Hey all 🙂 I will think about everyones input, thank you so much. It's something to think about that could be very important. I really needed a different perspective on my troubles, and this is very helpful to me!
I have tried to reach out to her to talk, but unfortunately she did not want to and removed and blocked me from all social platforms and phone. I might try to reach out to her via mail, but I don't think it will ever be the same again because I am also very upset about the way she handled things. It's so sad, because I feel like I lost my soulmate.
I guess we just have to accept that we are more prone to feeling lonely that others might be. Maybe I just need to try and deepen the connection we have with out current friends.
Thanks again everyone, your input is very helpful to me 🙂
- This reply was modified 3 years ago by rosaly.