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I am feeling as if I am not living the life I want to be living

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  • #402923
    deepseablue
    Participant

    Right before covid-19, I had a super bad burn out which I eventually healed during the first half-year of the pandemic (had much more free time).

    Since the start of this year, things got back to normal and I started working much harder. At least I think that way.

    But when I mention it to my friends of family they are like “Dude, you are just working for on average X hours a day. I used myself to work for X hour shifts, and then went out to party with no problem”.

    I believe that today I have better control of my burnout state. I am aware of my limits and I do my best not to overwork as back in the days. But yes, some days I have a huge workload and I suffer through it. There are days when I limit myself and do not finish some projects on the same day. But then I don’t go to sleep with a calm mind, nor do I feel good next about it.

    It feels like I am in a vicious cycle of being in work mode.  And I have no option to delegate things to others.

    I am living in a tiny place with socially reserved people, many rainy days in a row, and a lack of activities to choose from makes everything even more difficult to handle. Sometimes I try to bring some joy into my life by traveling abroad. When returning home I always think “what the hell keeps me returning back to this sh*t hole place?”. For some days or weeks, I complain to myself and maybe to some closest people. And then get back to the same state of mind that everything is just fine as it is. People are some not nice – whatever, it is probably just me. There is nothing to do here – whatever, I’ll just continue with my monotonous walk around the block, once again. I don’t like to work this much – whatever, there is nothing else to do.

    What are your thoughts on this? Is it just me being negative? Am I depressed? Should I move to a new place where the weather is good and the people are nice?

    Any observations would be highly appreciated.

    #402925
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Deepseablue:

    Is it just me being negative?” – no, I don’t think that it is just you being negative.

    Am I depressed?“- to an extent, seems to me.

    Should I move to a new place where the weather is good and the people are nice?” – yes!

    Any observations would be highly appreciated“: 1) You need a much lesser workload and more free time (“I have a huge workload and I suffer through it.. I don’t go to sleep with a calm mind.. I am in a vicious cycle of being in work mode… I don’t like to work this much“, “I eventually healed (when) I had much more free time“),

    2) You need empathetic and understanding people in your life, not people who minimize your hardship because they didn’t have the same hardship as you did (“my friends of family they are like “Dude, you are just working for on average X hours a day..“)

    3) You need to live in a bigger place in a location with less rain and more activities (“I am living in a tiny place with … many rainy days in a row, and a lack of activities… there is nothing to do here“).

    anita

     

    #404550
    Macchiato
    Participant

    Hi deepbluesea,

    I know you posted this a couple of weeks ago but I just wanted to share what I observed from your post. First of all, well done you for healing from burnout, that is super difficult and the fact that you worked towards feeling better is truly commendable.

    I think as people we all have different limits and thresholds, and a lot of the time when we have experienced burnout our threshold can be extremely lower than before, where we almost begin living in a constant state of ‘survival mode’ and experiencing the same routine on a daily basis. So I have some question perhaps for your to ask yourself:

    1) Does your work bring you joy, and if not, what does?

    2) When was the last time you felt truly joyful, and what was your life like during that time?

    3) Paint the ideal picture you have of your life and yourself, what do you see?

    4) What are the steps you can take to achieving point number 3?

    5) What is stopping you?

     

    Being human is a magical experience, we have the freedom to do whatever we want on this earth during this lifetime, but many of us spend most of our days doing the same things (eat, sleep, work, repeat). Ultimately, we have a choice. We can wake up everyday and do what we think we have to do, or we can wake up and do what actually makes us happy. Our life is a product of our choices and decisions, no matter how big or how small. How our daily life looks is how we choose to live it. So whether that is surrounding yourself with more positive people or finding a job where you can work from abroad, your happiness is the true goal 🙂

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