Home→Forums→Relationships→I believe I should follow my heart…give me the advice please
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lil.lily.
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March 30, 2014 at 3:24 pm #53823
lil.lilyParticipantIm going to try to keep it short…I was with my ex for 3 years, we were engaged. I was broken hearted and depressed. I fell rock bottom. I studied abroad in University of Amsterdam for 6 months. I finally found my soul again.. I lost it from being so broken hearted..and I realized he did not treat me well. it didn’t work out
I traveled, gained a lot of European friends. I am very out-going and friendly. I was “enlightened”
I met a lot of European men. I enjoyed my life in Europe..I had two months left, and a 26 year old Dutch guy came to me. We began to see each other, and things got heated..we became in love…and I could tell he was into me too..
I had to leave, and he told me I should stay longer. But my time was up..and I dedicated my life to school, getting a career. I have 1 semester left.
It broke his heart..
I left in January, and its been 4 months now that we are apart. We did not know what to do, we did not break things up, rather we just said we will keep in touch and see each other soon.
We talked, skyped, and planned on seeing each other in the summer
we kept in touch..but lately..he does not speak to me anymore…im not sure if he has lost the feelings…sometimes he will send me pictures of himself, or pictures of things that he sees and sends it to me, and videos… and even share the same music that we listened when we were together. He doesnt say anything else..but a few words here and there
But he hasnt spoken to me since…we spoke a little bit last week. I have had all these doubts…but then I tell myself. I get confused, and sometimes I want to tell him how i feel. My plan is for him to either to come visit me in CA, or I go back and share one more time with him.
But my heart tells me.. I need to see him again, and prove to him that there is something strong..whether I fail or achieve this feeling with him.. I have never ever had this feeling with anyone..
It was very intimate…
He is an introvert..but I am confused..but my heart tells me to go to him. Im young, Im 22…and if I was for years to come.. it will be too late. I am planning on going in June for one month..and see some of my friends as well..
Im an artist at heart, and I seek passion. He is an artist too, but mostly in graphic and video production. Moreover, the feeling that I shared with him is special. I met him for a reason..and thats why I have to follow my heart..and show him that I do love him.
I am just confused but I know what my heart tells me.
March 31, 2014 at 4:16 am #53865
AnonymousInactiveDear Lily,
You may not like what i have to say but i must give you another side of the story too. Coming out of a 3 year relationship has taken its toll on you, leaving you heart-broken and without consciously realizing, on the lookout for love or passion to fill that void up. Sometimes that trip to a new place and meeting new people does the trick. In this case, you met a number of Europeans and also met a wonderful one from Dutch nation.
However, do ask yourself this: Are you really willing to settle for introverted replies half-way across the world, wait for months and wonder when you will magically go back to your eternal 2 months? Love is not that simple and sometimes we want to believe something so much that we miss out on some realities are that are staring at us invariably. You wont be 22 forever and have years to come.
Why do you feel that guy is the only one out there? Despite your past, believe me, you will meet people with whom you will experience a great deal of intimacy and even passion. However, there is a reason why we need to take our time with love. The first bloom is not love, no matter how intense it seems.
Chasing him halfway across the world to prove your feelings is no excuse for him not going after you if he didnt feel strongly enough. Being introverted is no reason to not communicate at all if you had something special.
Your heart may have been broken once but have you considered that trying to dub those short few months as something amazing is just your mind’s way of healing? Do you really want a relationship like that? It takes two to make love happen.
And i apologize if my words seemed harsh but i got my heart broken too after 5.5 years, became nuts over somewhere far far away as we had a bond that helped me escape the actual pain. But in the end, i saw how incompatible we really were despite how wonderful a person he was. He too was an artist and an introvert -_- i tell ya girl, been on a similar boat, different country but i am happier now. repair your relationship with you.
You will find love but with someone who is actually willing to take initiative and commit to you with maturity.
Good luck!
Lots of love,
JessMarch 31, 2014 at 6:36 am #53866
ChadParticipantJess has some good advice. If anything look at the positive of this experience. You found the nourishment your soul was wanting post a bad break up. You had an amazing connection with someone you care about. I’ll bet after your break up you didnt think that was possible again. Use it as hope, that there are people out there you will meet, you will click with and can develop meaningful feelings for.
I agree maybe you were a bit infatuated by the situation and it might be playing up in your mind what it is you have with this person. You say you are focuses on school and career, and that should continue to be your focus. Just think to yourself, if you were to make sacrifices and give up your path to pursue this person. How would you feel if it didnt work out? You more than likely would be kicking yourself, and missing the lost time you spent pursuing him and not yourself.
2 months isnt long, I’ll suggest not long enough to really know who he is, or what he is really after / capable of. We never really know a person this well…. even when we are with them all the time for years. They can always surprise us….. Im not saying completely forget about this person. However, I suggest maybe keeping it extremely casual. Keep in touch, get to know him better best you can. Live your life, date other men. If its meant to be, it will, if your still single in a year. Maybe revisit the topic assuming he is still interested. Dont jump to any life changing decisions in the moment, when maybe your motivations arent coming from a firm place of understanding as suggested above by Jess.
There is something to be said about following ones heart, but there also is wisdom in accepting a situation for what it is, see what good it served and moving forward using it as a catalyst for something else. I always say relationships take 3 environmental factors to work, really. They are timing, opportunity and choices. If all three arent aligned, its a path to suffering and more heartache.
March 31, 2014 at 9:52 am #53890
FuzzyParticipantDo not give up the path you want for yourself. If he is a soul mate for you he will be there for you and with you. If he has pulled away it could be that his soul connection has been fulfilled. He may have just been there to show you there is hope for love in your future. If he is willing to open up to you if you open up to him then he may be part of your future. You must go with faith that what is meant to be will be. If you voice your true heart is the only way to really know. He will either return in kind or vanish out of your life more. It is risky but to know your true path is worth the risks. check out this Quote it may help. Follow your true heart and live life to the fullest.
April 19, 2014 at 7:16 pm #55022lil.lilyParticipantHello,
thank you everyone for all your advice. But I decided to follow my heart. I am going to visit Amsterdam for a month. I feel that it is my home. I strongly feel it, and I want to feel it again. and its not for him, its for me. I want to fulfill it. I spoke to my bestfriend, and she pushed me to do it. She says I am only young once, and I will may never have this opportunity. I book my ticket, and I will be seeing my European friends, and I will also be meeting him too when I arrive. I have mentioned it to him. So, its all or nothing. But I will have no regrets towards it.
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