i love traveling. ive been traveling to europe for 2x already . and im always inlove to europe so i keep on coming back. last month i went for backpacking alone in Hungary Czech Poland slovakia and austria. the trip was awesome and it was the best backpacking ive ever had in my life. before that, i was talking to this romanian guy who i met from the dating app happend to be situated in Budapest hungary. we always video call everyday for 1 month til i flew to hungary. it was never my plan to fall inlove during my travel besides, i booked my flight 8 mons before my travel and i chatted with this guy 1 month before i flew. it was never meant to be a love story. come october i landed to budapest on oct 1 i stayed in a hostel, this guy i was talking to, i suppose to meet him oct 10 – 2days before i flew back to malaysia. but along the way that we decided to meet on the first day. i was hesitant because it was not part of my itinerary but my friend whom i was texting to that night from OZ forced me to meet this guy or else i will regret for the rest of my life. so even tho im hesitant, im like ill go for it. europe is autumn nowadays, so its cold. that moment, i got out from the apartment he was there standing waiting for me. i hugged him immediately, i felt different unexplainable, happy, fulfilled.. the warmth of his hug made me safe wrapping me with his arms tightly. i felt him. that moment, i knew i will never let go. Next day, oct 2 – i didnt expect that we are going to meet again. i texted him, that i wanted to see him again and he felt the same.  id really appreciate that he drove 45 mins from his place to budapest just to see me for 4 hrs at 2 am in the morning when he was tired at work as he is a civil engineer hes always on site.  the second meetup was amazing, we drove around budapest at night walking at the parliamento it was perfect. he was even sick that time and i felt again that i want him and i wanted to see him again. but unfortunately, i need to continue my journey, im backpacking for 4 countries for 2 weeks and my next destination would be slovakia-austria-poland-czech.  i travel by bus as they just close to each other. i was traveling alone all the way from slovakia to poland- except when i have to join with travel mates i met at the hostels. all throughout the travel this romanian guy named Josh(not his real name) we never stopped talking as usual i tell him where i was so he never gets worried. we were happy talking to each other, he joke around or tease me thats what he does. a day before i flew to Prague, he texted he said ” i have crazy idea,i wanna go to prague to see you” so i replied “are you serious? your kidding right” so that moment, i coudlnt believe he wanted to join me with my journey and wanted to see me. so i waited for him to come to prague, it was amazing plus prague is amazing i was very happy being with him ive never felt this happy for a longest time. being with him i felt safe, calm, light like everything comes easy. he was kind, he was patient, gentleman, he took care of me. weve been walking alot because were were checking lookout tower, overlooking views so when im tired he carries me, massage my cramped legs, stop for a while, asks if im hungry or thirsty. i was being treated like baby. im small and hes very tall so its just easy for him to just carry me. this whole thing was nothing but fun and romantic for me, i coudlnt ask for more. he is 27 and im 35 but i always feel hes the mature one and hes more the controlling one than me which i didnt mind. we went back to budapest via bus all the while when were traveling for 7 hrs i was still all over him because he loved to be hugged and kissed and as european he doesnt care if he kisses me on public or something. all things that happend in europe came to change when i headed back to malaysia. i started missing him and i always tell him but he said he cannot say those words because he is having hardtime to express his feelings which at first i didnt understand because i wanna feel like his still with me even tho we are apart. as days come by, being him unexpressive is starting to got me affected or complain why cant he even say i miss you. but i guess hes just like that.. he say things by jokes just to messup with me or tease. i guess i just really miss him, we still video call everyday no skips. until i fell asleep as the timezone is 6 hrs apart. i cant feel he likes me too im just demanding to much for him to express his feelings .And that demand became a  complaint that lead to everyday fight. i feel like im always picking a fight with him even though it wasnt really intentional. at times , he wanted to change the topic to get rid of the subject but as a girl being emotional i trigger him again. but i always say sorry after. he said “dont make me say things i couldnt say because i will never” i dont know what that means. all i know is i have fallen for him and got attached with him. last week we had a huge fight about me picking a fight on him again, he got stressed out, he brokeup me. i know he still cares for me but i dont understand why he just easily let go like that. ive been blaming my self for 5 days crying non stop. im losing my self, i kept praying that someday he will change his mind but what he said is FINAL and he will never change his mind. he said im breaking up with you because better for you, im not good for you. i always make you cry everyday and it pains me when i see you crying. i know from my heart he still care but should i fight for him? because 90% of me saying i should.. 10% of me saying i have to stop that if he truly care or loves me he would have given me a chance the moment we broken up. its been 5 days and im getting crazy i cannot eat, sleep, cannot focus to myself, i cannot do things because ive been thinking of him everyday everysecond. i know this is just a challenge because we are apart so i wanted to go to europe again i dont care if i will broke or no money after. i just wanted to talk to him in person. do you guys, think this is a good idea? please help me

broken girl