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I can't let go and it's been 7 years..

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This topic contains 8 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Sue 4 months, 1 week ago.

Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • #212267

    Sunita
    Participant

    Hi all,

    I’m really struggling to let go of the desire to re- connect with an ex who completely turned my world upside down and left me feeling worthless and suicidal and heartbroken. We had a crazy strong connection, unlike anything I ever thought humanly possible and I managed to get the idea into my head that we were twin flames and destined to be together. It was really hard to pick myself back up from that breakup. My mind and soul were in shambles. It took 4 -5 years to start to feel happy again. I went for a tarot reading around the time of the break up and was told my ex and I would get back together again ( the card reader had no indication that I was with anyone and described my ex) . I held onto this stupid idea for so long that I would get back with him. It’s been really difficult to have some contact with him over the years and for him to block me periodically or date other women and get serious about them. I have reached a point where I really want to let go and not care about a reconciliation. I just dont know how to fully let go. I seem to always come back to this feeling of meant to be, or that it has to work. I never fully accepted it was just over. Please help as i’m suffering a lot. I have had other relationships since but I don’t want to be emotionally attached to a guy who has rejected me an mistreated me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

    Suni

    #212305

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Suni:

    You wrote: “I seem to always come back to this feeling of meant to be”. This feeling is not only a feeling but a belief, a matter of believing. For as long as you believe that it is meant to be, you will continue to try or wait for it to be what it’s meant to be.

    Let’s look at this belief. You believe that the relationship is “meant to be”- meant by whom?

    anita

    #212317

    Sunita
    Participant

    Hi Anita, thanks that’s pretty grounded advice. I do have that belief and it’s true what you wrote. I need to really question the F*** out of why I have cemented that  we will be together again as a truth or conviction. It’s not just a feeling you’re right. Do you have any thoughts about how to deconstruct a long held conviction? Thank you <3

    #212319

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sunita:

    I am thinking that maybe exploring this long held belief/ conviction will help. I don’t think it can hurt. This is why I asked, if it was meant to be, then who (god? some power?)meant it to be?

    And if it is a power that meant it how is it that it, the relationship, is not happening… is that power so limited?

    anita

    #212381

    Sue
    Participant

    I understand exactly what you are feeling.  There is someone I loved a few years ago, and even though he ended the romantic part of our relationship, we are still friends as we belong to the same social groups so not seeing him is not an option.  I do enjoy his company and we get along well as friends, but after each event, I go home and cry my eyes out because the romantic part didn’t work and I’m so very lonely.

    I don’t know what advice to give you because I too feel that he and I were meant to be.  It just felt so right and deep down inside I still think there is a glimmer of hope, even though he is with someone else now.

    You are not alone – it hurts – but one day it won’t anymore.

    #212509

    Sunita
    Participant

    Yes Anita… I was thinking about what you wrote for the last few days. If it was meant to be by some higher power..then rightly so it would have happened. I didn’t look at it that way but I need to. It’s hard to let go though. To really stop wanting something that you’ve held on to for so long. I think it’s become like a type of habit.

    #212513

    Sunita
    Participant

    Hey Sue.. awwww that’s awful. I couldn’t handle seeing my ex at all. How do you manage? Mixed blessing that he doesn’t live near me. Do you really believe that it won’t hurt one day? I’m just kind of pissed off that the longing is still there.. I wish it would go away. What Anita wrote was really helpful but .. maybe it’s that we feel shortchanged? Maybe that’s part of it? Feeling like we were dealt a cruel twist of fate… hmm.. maybe that’s the part that’s so hard to let go of? I had a vision of myself in an alternate life. I saw for a moment in time me with him 7 years on. And in this vision I was miserable. Utterly hollow. So I know that (in my head) it wouldn’t have been nice to be with him. However I feel shortchanged, rejected, unhappy and bitter about it. Can you relate?

    #212559

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Sunita:

    I hope Sue answers you. I would like to read more about that :shortchanged, rejected, unhappy and bitter” feeling you have as a result of this seven year ago relationship and breakup. Will you share more about it, the shortchanged feeling, particularly?

    anita

    #212619

    Sue
    Participant

    Hi Sunita,

    I do feel that the hurt will go someday because every so often I get a tiny moment of clarity where I don’t hurt anymore, and while it can sometimes be fleeting, it does appear and if I can feel that way for a moment, why can’t it be for a few more, then an hour, then a day…..etc…

    I still feel our relationship was meant to be – everything just clicked, more so than just coincidence or that we happened to like the same things, etc.  I was married for 34 years until cancer took my husband, and while of course I loved him and shared a good life with him, with this other fellow I felt an ease and comfort I didn’t even feel with my husband.  I was so relaxed and at peace even when just sitting beside him at a car show in the park.  It’s a peace I haven’t felt before if that made any sense.  It just felt right.

    I feel shortchanged – for the life I didn’t get a chance to live with my late husband, and for finding someone else only to have it end as well.  I have only loved two men in my whole life and lost them both.  Not sure if I want to try a third time.

    Sue

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