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I can't stop thinking of her

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  Valora 1 week, 5 days ago.

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  • #311031

    Felix
    Participant

    Hello everyone,

    So here i’m so desperately need help in stop thinking of her

    I’ve stopped chatting with her for 2 weeks after chatting with her for two years straight all this time.

    First, I’m going to tell you of my history with her

    I’ve known her since i was in 12th grade of high school and we gotten close since then. She’s 4 years younger than me, she’s on the 8th grade (i know this is a large age gap for our age). When we were close that time we texted everyday for 4 months straight until the day i confess my feelings to her but she rejected. Stating that she doesnt wanna be in relationship and regard everyone as her “friend” only. And we lost contact since then but separate on friendly terms.

    A few months later, at the start of my early university days , i felt lonely and still hoping that she would text me again (because she’s the first girl who’s interested in me). Until the day of my birthday she texted and wishes me a happy birthday. And i said to her that we havent text in a while, then started chatting again. With me opening all the convos, until she said “we’re only friends right?” And i said “yes” with the hope that if we keep texting her everyday that she’ll change her mind.

    We still text each other everyday for two years straight, and i know her daily routine everyday. I’m in my second year of my uni and she’s in the 11th grade. She’s 16 and I’m 20.

    Then a few weeks ago before we stop chatting, I keep hinting her that she replies my chats too long. I was so mad in my mind back then, but i know it’s my fault because she and i are only friends but i secretly want her desperately. After that hint, she told me that should we stopped chatting daily, and only chat when there is a topic. I was shocked that time but i still say yes, and felt really sad.

    Then after that i try to stop thinking of her but everytime i open my instagram and see her stories, i’ll keep thinking of her that she might get close to someone if i dont text her daily. Then stop looking at her stories for a few days (she always notice if i have seen her stories or not when we text daily). But sometimes i still look at her stories and feel really insecure. I even wake up with a morning anxiety thinking of her.

    I’m really stressed as even though i’m tired with her but i’m still obsessed of her.

    Idk what I should do, i cant even think of continuing my parents business after uni as in my mind my objective is only to find a girl for me. And then if i got one i’ll have a motivation to think of continuing the business. I know this sounds pathetic as a mindset. Pls give me advice.

    #311045

    Valora
    Participant

    Hi Felix!

    I have been in this situation before, not yours but the girl’s, where I have chatted with someone daily, they developed feelings that I did not reciprocate (and still don’t). Believe her when she tells you she doesn’t have those feelings for you. They aren’t likely to develop just from continuing to talk, especially when you’ve already been talking daily. When she is making sure you know that you two are only friends, that means that she is firm on her stance that she only likes you as a friend and that that isn’t’ going to change. She is eventually going to get close to someone else, whether you are talking to her or not, so that is something you will have to accept, too. Eventually she will find someone she wants to date and there really isn’t anything you can do to change that.

    So, with that said, it’s good that you two have stopped talking. It’s only been two weeks so it’s normal that you still miss her. That will decrease over time if you continue to not talk with her. I would highly suggest you unfollow her on all social media so that she isn’t showing up in your feeds. Do not go to her pages, don’t check on her, don’t message her. You’re going to feel a strong urge to do all of those things, but resist it because it’s only going to keep you from moving on. It’s going to take time to break the habit of talking with her so often, so you have to give yourself enough time for that to happen.

    Do you know why you feel you need a girlfriend so badly, to the point that you don’t think you can be motivated enough to continue a business without one? Quite frankly, motivation and business ownership ATTRACTS girls because motivated people and leaders are attractive, so doing that can only help you in that case.

    #311051

    Rabin
    Participant

    Hey Felix

    I would suggest you do mindfull meditation and focus on your goals in life. If someone doesn’t want you, you have to respect that and move on, I know it’s not easy but this situation will make you a stronger man. There are alot of girls out there, if you involve yourself in hobbies that you like with like minded people you will find someone you like and then you can talk to that person and see where it goes. Trust me your relationship with this girl will only hurt you more. I’ve been in a similar situation but I found someone who appreciates me, you just have to talk go and talk to other women, eventually you will find someone who loves you the same way you love her. Don’t be afraid of being alone, that time just gives you an opportunity to be your best version if you spend it on self- development.

    I hope this helps

    Peace

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