Dear anita,

-most likely it will happen again and maybe it already did, after your last post. Serious concerns such as this do not just disappear. Likely you will be concerned again many times. But don’t be alarmed when that happens. Strong feelings get recorded in our brain and even when we don’t feel them in a particular hour or day, we will feel them again. It is not because we have weak characters, it is because of our  animal nature

=yes its true it happened again as just now while im working out i saw that most of the boys are way taller than me and it drops my mood again. I just wish that i can as soon as possible get a partner so that i wont worry about height anymore because most concerns of my height is due to girls turn off when they look at me due to my height.

-“one of her friends describing her .. she’s pretty, kind and she’s a girl who’s getting chased by a lot of boys”- what does it mean to you, that she may be “getting chased by a lot of  boys”?

= Here what i mean is that her friend describe her as a girl who is pretty, kind and that most boys are always attracted to her in her looks and her innocent personality (like me who’s attracted). I sometimes feel afraid that someone will get close to her because they are attracted to her looks and personality even though right now im lazy to talk to her and think about her. But there is still this uneasy feeling that someone might wanna get close to her.

Another issue is that sometimes i get jealous of her that she’s born pretty and have that innocent personality that she can attract boys unconsciously and she can even reject them, meanwhile i have it hard in finding a single girl who is attracted to me. Idk if its normal that i feel jealous to an opposite gender.

Regards,

Felix

Dear Anita thank you for always replying me, you’ve help me a lot in improving myself for the better. I’m truly truly thankful to you.

Well besides my height problems that im concern of, it looks like i have found my most crucial problems which is my communication skills as im an introvert. I’m lazy to start a conversation with anyone since i’m a kid and right now every time i meet new people i’ll feel pressured and feel confused in what to reply. Sometimes i reply weirdly because i feel so pressured in talking to new people which cause that person to lose interest in me. As i also have a fierce face it makes it more difficult for people to start a conversation with me. This issue also applies in talking to girls, whenever i see a girl which i find attractive and i dont know her, i’ll feel shy to talk and even shy to look her in the eye so i pretend to not care and start playing with my phone to avoid feeling shy. I feel that i need to get to know the girls first so that i can talk, even though my talking skills are also bad. Idk what i should do to impress girls, as i already have a disadvantage in height and now its communication skills. Most people who first know me they see me as a cold person which actually im not. Im just shy to look at them in the eye and its frustrating for me. Even to start a conversation with girls through text im also shy, im afraid i might sound weird and i ended not texting any girls. Idk what solutions to overcome this problem has been on me for like a decade long.

As for the girl i use to talk about, even though im shy i get to know her because of an accidental chat. In which her friends dare her to chat me that time. And that she texted me first even though its not intentional, in which im confident that time because she’s the one texting me first and i have nothing to lose…. and therefore i ended up liking her for a long time till now.

Dear anita,

Back to talking skills, you can post to me beginning of conversations you had, what a person said to you when you didn’t know what to say in return, and I can suggest to you what you can say in return. You can describe to me this or that situation where you didn’t know what to say, and I can suggest to you what you could say in these situations.

= Thanks, and yep i’ll try this is i need some suggestion regarding situation i didnt know what to say

Btw im gonna talk about another issue, so there’s this girl that i notice in instagram and her appearance attracted me and they way she comments in her feeds shows that she has a friendly personality and kind of my type and her parents is also a friend of my parents but i yet to get to know her because she’s from different highschool and she just got into university now (she’s 2 years younger than me). So on January next year my parents told me that we’re going holiday and they told me that her family is on the same flight as us, and she told me that i will meet their daughter and i should try getting to know each other with her. I feel happy but at the same time im also sad because when i saw her instagram pics i’m sure that she and me has the same height (always troubled with this issue), also in her pics she wears thick sandals casually instead of flat sandals and im really unmotivated because of this and she has a different religion. Other than that also there is this communication skills im lacking. But still when we met later what i really want is to have a good talking with her when we first met later and i’ll try to get close to her by replying her instagram stories.

Dear anita,

We’re going in the same airplane but not in the same seats, therefore due to my parents and hers are friends that both of our families are most likely to meet before boarding the airplane and if we talk it’ll be both of us standing and she’ll see my height. But i get what you mean that i should think of my advantage instead of disadvantage as its a positive approach to the mindset but its a bit hard as im still not accepting my height.

Women like to be listened to, that is an attractive feature about a man to a whole lot of women. Imagine she is sitting in the airplane with a tall man who doesn’t care about what she is thinking, doesn’t ask.. what good is his height- see my point?

=Yes i get your point, but its not about tall man, its about boys that are taller than her and majority of boys here is taller. I just wanna be the same as them where i at least slightly taller than majority of girls here, i dont demand to be really tall just slightly taller. I know i cant change a think but i relieves me if i keep complaining of how unlucky i am haha, i hope you dont mind. And im sorry if i keep talking about this height matter all over and over again haha as im really a hard headed person regarding my weakness.

Dear Anita,

After reading your advice about two weeks ago, i gain a bit of confident when u said “You are one of many millions of men and women today who are upset  about this or that aspect  of their bodies. Keep this bigger picture in mind. Look around you and notice other people and how upset so many of them are about their bodies. This will change your I-am-the-only-one perspective”. It really help relieving my upset mindset.

But that confidence broke and im feel upset again as i saw one of my junior which is way much younger than me (like 6 years younger; she’s 14), she’s a girl and she has the same height as me now. I’m really upset as right now i know the fact that most girls around here will always be in the same height as me. When i saw her at the mall i’m taller because im wearing tall shoes (like 3 cm taller). But actually i know that we have the same height. And she went out with lots of girls and all have the same height as her. I’m really down that time that why can’t i have 3 cm more on me, as with only that 3 cm i’ll already have it easier in many aspects of my life. And I also notice that most boys who’s way younger than me are growing taller than me, even the shortest among most boys that i saw will slightly taller than me. I know i should think that many people are upset at their bodies, but its just that most people around here are not concerning of their heights as most of them reach their genders’ average height.

I’m also afraid that when i wear shoes i’ll be slightly taller than average girls, for example my friends. They’ll saw me taller, but im always insecure to go their houses as i’ll have to take off the shoes/sandals. Im also thought about if i have a girlfriend , their parents might not accept me if they saw their daughter going out with same height boy, because majority here and not that short.

I know that me complaining on these are useless. But i just cant heal my mindset, as this is something irreversible and im a person who likes to compare with other person, and i dont wanna lose. When i thought about my height, i have already lost and it really hurt me, as i’m lost on something that is not even my fault. Some of my friends who have shorter parents (even shorter than me) and they are taller than me, most people said that height is according to genetics, and i really cant get it. I even thought that if im in this height i prefer to be born as a woman, maybe this is the reason that im also jealous of that girl that rejected me (the one that i wrote on my previous post). I guess i really need advice for this screwed up mindset haha.