A while ago, I was struggling to make the decision whether or not to cut ties with my family. I dug up every bad memory that I could find to justify the decision, but after a long hard look at myself, I realized that although my family might have  been insensitive to me sometimes, they are still good people. However, I was still unable to figure out why I couldn’t open myself up to them. My brother was treated the same way as I was but he wasn’t having these kind of problems as I was having. So logically, I concluded that the problem was not my family, but myself. I’ve had troubles in my life and so have they. They are human too, I can’t expect them to be perfect all the time. I realized that I want them to be perfect, and they aren’t, and so we’re not fit for each other. It’s not anyone’s fault, it just doesn’t work out. I’m a herbivore and they’re meat. Meat is good, but to a herbivore, it isn’t useful.

Today, I told my whole family that in 6 months, I will be moving out to live somewhere else and when that happens, I consider us no longer involved in each other’s life. I told them to live a happy life and try to forget about me. My parents cried a lot and my brother was sad (he knew about it beforehand so it wasn’t as much of a sock). They asked me a lot of questions and I found myself couldn’t bother to answer. I felt absolutely nothing looking into their eyes. I thought that I might be sad, or happy, or SOMETHING, but I didn’t. I felt nothing.

I wonder how life will be like in 6 months when I will have no one else to rely on in tough times, somehow I’m ok with it.