<p data-xf-p=”1″>Foster mom decided  to begin her shenanigans  early today.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I’ve been an insomniac since childhood and get by on 2 hours of sleep. Sleep has never granted me much peace.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Foster mom had been waking up earlier and earlier…and when she’s up, she wakes me up and starts with her demands, complaints, and insults.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I don’t think she sleeps much anymore..</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I went to bed at 3am</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Woke me up at 4am.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Told me that she’s been cold all night. Don’t know why she just decided to suffer all night before telling me ..but that’s just “her”.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Told me to close the window. Window not open much ..about a half of inch … Told her that she can’t be in her room without any circulation or air coming in. Her room only has one window that opens.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She never opens her window at all. In the last 5 years she’s kept her window closed…which probably has been contributing to her illness and hospitalization as many other things.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>When she was in the hospital for two weeks, I kept it open always.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>When it’s not open, or when it’s open but she covers them with her curtains she developes a chronic lingering cough.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>So I put the portable heat on for her.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me that this is her house and she can have her room and live any way that she wants to in her house.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Even her sons told her she needs the window to remain open…of course she doesn’t oppose to anything they say…</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I also remind her that the chill in the house won’t be fully gone until the windows are repaired.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me that she wishes that I would stop telling her about the windows and that her sons are too busy to finish them (it’s been 5 months since they’ve been promising to fix them).</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I tell her that people make a way or pass away trying to accomplish the things they want to do. I told her that her sons just don’t want to do them which is fine, that they should hire someone instead.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I told her that the cold air, insects, rodents, rain, wind, etc .. is pouring in through the house and creating mold that has traveled and the house is further damaged because of it. I tell all of these things have contributed to her 2week  hospitalization stay. .and she will get sicker..</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me that she doesn’t believe that her sons wouldn’t make time for her and don’t want to do these things for their mother.   That she doesn’t believe me and I don’t know what I’m talking about because I’m not a doctor.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>After that she tells me that shes hungry. I ask her what would she like to eat ..she tells me that she wants a lunch meat sandwich or one of the meals delivered.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me just not to cook it long because it was dry.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I remind her that I will try my best, as I’m not a cook, and barely can make “basic” things. I also say that before the meals are delivered to her, they’re cooked a bit and they arrive frozen.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She becomes argumentative and tells me that all I have to do is follow the instructions on  the package and warm it up for less time. That it shouldn’t be hard to do.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I always tell her that no one is good at everything, and that just because someone is shown or told how to do something, doesn’t mean they can replicate it themselves.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me she doesn’t believe me ..like she always does and feels…</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I always warm it up the least amount of time possible…50 seconds to a minute in the microwave.. sometimes it is still cold so I warm it a bit more.. it always comes out juicy and proper…it’s just not to her liking nor preferences…which is fine ..just don’t berate me for it.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I didn’t do it to her satisfaction and she complains but refuses my offers to fix something else for her.  She does this often. Complains to me about not liking things, eats it anyway complains the whole time….</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>or denies her dissatisfaction with anything  and becomes agreeable when asked by her family …</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>So she eats it and complains.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Next she complains about the house being a mess (due to the windows not being repaired, everything remains covered and squashed together in different  rooms making it impossible for me to clean properly) ..next she specifically complains about a dining room table having spots, and things on it (her curtains and curtain rods from the windows) because that’s where she sits with all these people who have been coming.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She asks for a table covering. I tell her she doesn’t have many table coverings  due to her giving them away to charity after she stopped hosting her family gatherings many years ago. The ones she kept are ill fitting and have spots on them.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me that I’m lying, and that she would never have given them away… because she paid a lot for everything.  She’s sort of a hoarder and refuses to give much away because she’s stuck on monetary value. It’s always that she’s paid a lot of money for this and that and refuses to get rid of it .even when in non use.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I’ve been gathering things for many years to toss or bag and give to charity…with her families permission.. wouldn’t normally just toss someone’s personal belongings and sentiments without that persons permission.. because that’s terrible….</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>But her family has told me to do these things .. especially now that her memory is on the decline due to dementia …which is still a crappy thing to do. ..and I feel terrible about it…but her family threatened to kick me out of I didn’t….</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>They should just let her keep her things and do whatever with them when she passes… She probably doesn’t have much longer to live at age 92…and if she does live many years longer, soon she’ll probably have to live in assisted living ..</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Because her dementia is declining her health.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She did chuck the table coverings on her own many years though on her own accord.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She also gets angry that when I wake up I need a few moments of adjustment and can’t engage in questioning answering and much conversation..but insists on badgering me with non emergency things and questions as soon as I wake.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She tells me that if she’s awake and aware, I should be.. especially since of my “young” age. She compares me to others as usual…I always tell her that age has nothing to do with health, capabilities and abilities…and that she and I are two different people.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Always tell her that I’m not those people she is comparing me with. That I’m just me and will never be anyone else.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She gets angry as usual and tells me I’m being lippy….and that she can throw me out of she wants to.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Currently trying to to prevent her from going downstairs in a weakened state, because of the mold, the steps aren’t safe for travel,  her legs are weak, and she doesn’t have the strength anymore. Also the only  loo in the house  is upstairs.  Also people will be here soon from the program and her grandchild .that she should perseve her strength and energy for that.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She gets cross and tells me that she can do whatever she wants in her house and that I’m not the boss of her. That she feels like a prisoner in her own home.. that I’m there to help and listen to her.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I sometimes feel just letting her  doing whatever she wants, but then if she were to get injured or something…I would get ridiculed and perhaps jailed..of course tossed out of her home.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Sometimes I feel like I’m as worse or more than her family always having to tell her what to do…and forcing her to do things she doesn’t want</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>If it were up to me, I’d let her do whatever she wanted and would respect her wishes…as it is her life…but since she doesn’t have any end of life planning, last requests, or planned health care… I can’t or I’d face legal repercussions. ..and she refused to sort those things out.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>She would be at some sort of peace if she did. That way she could refuse everything that she didn’t want and be legally protected  and hopefully respected by her family…</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>So now, she’s back to acting as if nothing’s wrong and she hasn’t done anything to me.</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>Trying to engage in conversation and everything..</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I’m just trying to remain silent as much as possible…I already cried silently to myself this morning …..</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I’m just always on edge ..waiting for the next thing to happen..</p>
<p data-xf-p=”1″>I don’t understand why I have deserved this life, but whatever made everything or specifically me, and whatever’s in charge feels like I do….and perhaps gets enjoyment and entertainment out of my suffering.</p>