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I did hurt my husband..

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  • #348396
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello my name is Isabelle.

    So Im a beautician and my hubby is an ex military and a bit macho.All is great but with the job, daily things to do, my yoga… I struggle to get some time with him To fix that, we did decide to make some sport together. One month before the virus… What was the more complicated was to find a sport that can fit for both of us. I wanted salsa or a dance sport (im an ex ballerina) but he refuses, he wants tennis but i hate racket sport… So finally after hours of search and discussion he proposed me judo. I first refuse it but because I see we were blocked I said ok let’s try it…

    Finally, after 5 lessons, we both had fun going there. I had the feeling to improve and feel really good practicing. We were on the same club, same training but we had our partner for the “fight part” in the end of the lesson. With the virus, we can’t go anymore, so a few days ago, he asked me to practice at home. We used a mat for safety and worked on the moves as in training. After one hour he challenged me in a friendly match, like for the normal session “if I dare” and he’ll show me “who’s the boss, it’s not like dancing or yoga things…”.

    It was the first time we have a match together. Well, I am a bit taller and i practiced ballerina during years and yoga 3 times per week but he outweight me and he is an ex military so im not too much confident.. but ok let’s try it!

    We hang each other kimono and turn around. I quickly noticed the previous exercices tired him more than me. I pull his sleeve, to the left, to the right, I straighten my leg out and fall on him to the ground. He struggle to escape but I pin him and count to 5 (we need to pin the opponent 5 sec to win). his face was all red and while he get up. I don’t know wich one of us wer the mroe surprised. I can’t hide myself from smiling.

    Now he seems really focus and we start again. I still smile while he seems really serious. I pull his kimono again and got him the exact same way. On the ground I quickly wrapped my arms around his head and I block his legs with my feet. He struggle but I had a good grip so i count to 5 and win… Before I release himI whisper on his ear “ouch your ballerina got you badly this time, where is the tough soldier now?” and I kissed him in his cheek. I get up (and dance a bit to celebrate i confess) and prepare for the 3rd round but he said he didnt want anymore

    Later I struggled not to have a strange silence that can sometimes happen. He says nothing and I make a monologue about housework. It seems that he doesn’t want to do judo anymore. I laugh a bit at first, asking him if it’s because I beat him, but he answers me aggressively that no, he just thinks it’s a waste of time.

    I haven’t talked to him about it, but he looks different like he’s worried about something, like something is broken. I don’t know. He’s cold with me, never laughs, and seems even a bit depressed.

    I didn’t want to hurt him, and now I don’t know how I can fix things. Atmosphere is now complicated with the quarantaine….

    Please help

    #348482
    anita
    Participant

    Dear isabelle:

    It was a pleasurable moment of victory for you: “ouch your ballerina got you badly this time, where is the tough soldier now?”, but for him, it turns out to be a long-term displeasure.

    It may be that this comment you made, in addition to your superior performance during the practice, activated a feeling of inferiority that he had from before, and added to his pandemic related distress.

    If I was you, I would apologize to him, sincerely and in a serious tone, for the comment you made and for expressing pleasure about his defeat. Tell him that you forgot that you and him are a Team, and that when you hurt him, you hurt the team. And that you will not repeat that behavior again.

    What do you think?

    anita

    #348588
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello Anita and thanks for your answer,

     

    To be honest I have been surprised by his reaction. I thought he would be proud of me…

    Today as the Last days he was saying nothing liké Hé was Sad for no reason (3 days now!) so I asked him again to tell me what happen and if it’s Cause of judo.. Hé answer no, everything is good. And even for judo He wants à rematch He was not in good Shape the last time bla bla bla… I Said no it goes to far anyway who care who win? Hé insist and even propose à bet thé looser do the housework part of other during all the rest of the confinment. I was a bit mad I confess he tried to make me do his part because I do almost all the chores alone since the beggining of our relationship…

    Because I dont want to stay in that glacial atmosphère I finally Saïd yes… And we had à normal rest of day… And so we’ll do our “rematch” today

    #348616
    anita
    Participant

    Dear isabelle:

    If it is you in that photo, you are beautiful and in great shape indeed!

    Maybe he wasn’t that upset about losing and about your comment, or maybe he was upset but got over it. In any case, he should do the household chores for the next few months so  to balance the fact that you’ve been the one doing “almost all the chores alone since the beginning” of your relationship.

    Regarding the match that you will be having today- is it in any way dangerous? You definitely don’t want to injure him, or get injured (twisting an ankle or whatnot) during this pandemic, needing medical care, or a hospitalization!

    If it is safe and you will be doing this rematch today, have no mercy on him, but don’t repeat the ballerina vs soldier comment, find some other victory comment or declaration, something that cannot be reasonably interpreted as offensive.  I hope to read about it later!

    anita

     

    #348660
    isabelle
    Participant

    Dear Anita:

     

    Oh thank you! 🙂

     

    You are so right to warn us about the injury risk, on that period it would be really bad in many aspect! As any activity there is always an injury risk but if you play safe and slow, with a good warm up, there is no reason that anybody get hurt.

    So, for the match, as before we set the mat and have a good warn up, then make couple of exercices and quickly he proposed me to do it. The atmosphere is a bit strange like it s something serious…

    It start and he show that he was serious putting a lot of intensity. We hang each other kimono, turn aorund each others. He tried to throw me I landed of my feet 4 times but the 5th he managed to do it and we fall together. He tried to pin me down but I blocked him with my legs. I struggle it was tough because he outweight me so much but i have powerfull legs. Finally I managed to hold his both sleeves and so I raised up my legs and catch his head with its, he direclty surrender. I congratz him, saying i ve been lucky and help him to get up. It was a great round but I ve seen in his eyes he was disappointed…

    We prepare for round 2. He got the same intensity trying to throw me but he started to be tired, he mades a mistake so i counter him and he fall on the ground. I go his back so i put him in a hold and make him tap out…

    I don’t brag or dance or tease him like the first time. We go for the third one. He seems really tired already… I catch his sleeve really quickly and crotch his leg. Then I lie on him blocking his legs with my feet. He struggle but I manage to catch his both wrist with my hands and I pinned him he can’t move and I count to 5…and win…

    He was exhasuted he has lot of sweat on the forehead (maybe time to quit smoking…)and was out of breath. I was sitting astride him and because i knew he cant go (last time if i tried to talk him je just leave the room..) I asked him if we were done he said yes. I said so no silence during days. He said no and was a bit mad I didn’t let him go so I did tease him a bit to make it laugh and showing it s no big deal.. “It s ok to have a kick ass wife there is biggest problem in my life!!”

    I finally got a smile from him. He said I didn’t understand . He has neevr been mad at me but mad at him. He was disappointed by himself because of lack of exercices and cigaret…when he was younger he was far better…. we talked seriously about men, women and the image the society give us… I did understand more about him… He want to train to be like how he was before and stop smoking. I told him I help him and together we ll be better person… then I kiss him and let him go…

    For now I haven’t ask him about the housework

     

    #348666
    anita
    Participant

    Dear isabelle:

    What a delightful account of the match today- I enjoyed reading it, thank you, and congratulations for yet another great win (and with a proper teasing)!

    Your husband should be proud of  his “kick ass wife”; it is not that he was beaten by an average woman, he was beaten by a strong and skillful woman who would beat lots and lots of men, if given the opportunity.

    He is probably too tired to do housework now. Maybe later, as an expression of his appreciation of having the fortune of having you as his wife!

    anita

    #349382
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello!

     

    So after his loose, my husband asked me to train him to become the man he was so, the day after the match we started the training and I did give him hard time :p . We jog for 1 hour, then we make some fitness exercices to finish with some flexibility things.

    For the housework, at first I was not sure to ask him anything because I know his ego is still bruised and because he didn’t dare making anything macho anymore. But after the first training, as usual, he put out his clothes and let it in the middle of nowhere with his stuff. He probably expect me to, as usual, do it for him. I was pissed off so I asked him gently 2 times that this afternoon he’ll make my chores, the 2 times he ignored me, ok…  So I did wait he finished his shower and enter in the bathroom. The room is small he can’t escape. I told him firmly that during 4 years we are married I do for you almost everyday  vacuum, mop, cleaning dust on furniture, cleaning the 2 bathroom with the toilets, cleaning the kitchen, cook, buy food online, washing dishes and do the laundry. You never helped me even if you just have to  wash the 2cars 1 time per month, fill up the gaz (so nothing during quarantine) 1 time per week and deal with the garbages. I remind him that he dares challenged me and make a bet hoping I’ll do his “part” too. I remind him that I did beat him fair and square!(I didn’t mention he is a soldier while im a ballerina ^^) so now it’s time to pay for the inappropriate behaviour and as punishment he’ll do all my part alone until the end of the year!

    He did sulk a bit but made it, in the same time I didnt let him the choice… I realised with his weird questions that it was the first time he use a mop :p :p (dont laugh :p) i did show him and “teach” him how to use each or each product, that was cute :p . To be honest, he doesnt do it greatly I had to check and make him correct when it’s not done well but he does his best.

    Now, no need to lie I enjoy a lot my free time :p . For the first time since we are married I did read a book! I took a bath during 1 hour and I finally start to use all the cosmetics I had from the beauty boxes :p I plan to start to learn programing and building a website, I now have time and this is soooo good.

    Today, after the train part and his housework session, he told me that it’s unfair, until the end of the year is too long and not what was planned. He told me that when the confinment ll end with the training he’ll be in great shape and he’ll be able to take me down in any kind of sport. I smile.. He proposed me that when the confinment ll be finished we make another match and if he win anybody take again his part.

    #349424
    anita
    Participant

    Dear isabelle:

    I feel privileged to read your posts- intelligent, funny, entertaining, a breath of fresh air for me, much appreciated during this pandemic/ lockdown time!

    Not that I expect you to post here so to entertain me, and you are welcome to post no matter how you feel. But I appreciate smiling for the first time today, thank you!

    I think that in the future, instead of freeing him completely from doing household chores, see to it that he does, let’s say, 30 minutes of household work every day, five or six days per week. By then, he should be in the habit of doing household chores and he should get better at it, so it will be easier for him to make this part of his life, doing household chores, that is.

    Looking forward to you posting again, anytime you want to!

    anita

    #349444
    will
    Participant

    I enjoyed your post.  Maybe his ego was hurt.  You can’t fix his ego, he must.  I would suggest making the matches fun and light.  No compliment to you?  WE build our relationships when we build up each other…

    #349514
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello thank you 😉

    @anita To be honest, I don’t have the project to free him of doing housework anymore. I have few busness project in my mind that will take me a lot of time. HIs video games can wait! For now, he’ll do it until the end of the quarantine (1 month) and stop if he win on judo, continu if he loose. Ow fun fact when he told me that after his training he’ll be able to take me down in any sport and I smile he ask me if i want to try taekwondo or kick boxing with him. I explain him as a ex ballerina kicking high was a daily routine for me and i did show him few ballerinas moves, finally he prefer judo ^^

     

    @will well, he said I was “athletic”. From him i take that as a compliment..

     

    #349532
    anita
    Participant

    Dear isabelle:

    A third photo- WOW! You are amazing!!!

    I think that his computer games should wait and his optimism regarding taking you down is .. cute. From what you described and from your photos, I doubt it.

    anita

    #349534
    anita
    Participant

    * didn’t reflect under Topics

    #349742
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    I am confident but I prefer to not be too confident. He seems determined and for him the stakes are high 😉

    What did you mean “* didn’t reflect under Topics”?

     

    #349746
    anita
    Participant

    Dear isabelle:

    A new photo, what a treat! You are beautiful indeed and very talented, a pleasure to see and to read from you.

    “didn’t reflect under topics”- when a member submits a post, the member’s name is supposed to show on the list of Topics, to the right of the title of the thread, but after I submitted to you the “third photo- WOW!” post, my name didn’t appear on the Topics page. It was still your name to the right your title. This means that if you look at the Topic page, it appears that you were the last to post and that I didn’t reply to you. To let it show that I did reply, I added the didn’t-reflect post.

    I do it in every thread when I notice it happened. At times I don’t notice and members don’t post again because they think I didn’t reply.

    “the stakes are high”- household chores, I understand. I am not crazy about household chores myself, but someone has to do them and a ballerina should not do all the chores!!!

    anita

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #351108
    isabelle
    Participant

    Hello!

    Just a little update because we finally have a date for the end of the confinment and it’ll be the 11th may. So, normally we’ll do our third match a bit before that. I thought hubby would be pretty exiting about it but he didn’t seems to be…but it still want to do it.

     

    I continu to train him 2 hours per day and I have to admit that he has made progress! I do also my yoga on the afternoon and enjoy my new free time. I catch him spy me during my practice two times ^^ . I feel that I am in the best shape of my life but in the same time he did train hard. I did drasticly reduce his smoke. I take his cigarets and he has to ask me to give it when he want to smoke. I always give him but just by that he did reduce it by twice per day!

    My practice today 😉

    https://drive.google.com/open?id=1mF0C5cuyhtjL1y7IRr__xYV-9gR-N31D

    For the chores, he did improve a lot! Im proud of him, it’s not perfect but far better. Hope he’ll do it until the end of the year 🙂 But for the paper administrative work, it’s just not possible. I dont know why maybe brain’s men is just not calibre for that so I do it myself, even his stuff…

    So that’s it! In few week we’ll know who will do the chores alone for the next 7 month 🙂

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 22 total)

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