Iam a 27 year old MBA student.A year and a half back around September 2012, i went into a relationship with one of my classmates.Basically he seemed to be a very nice guy , which he is !Two months into the relationship and he told me about his ex and how he is still waiting for her.He told me he made a commitment to her once for marriage and if she returns he wont be able to say no to her.At the same time he also told me he can not think of marriage with me though he loves me because we belonged to different states and his parents would not say yes to our match.But by that time i was in love with him ..I could not walk away !Though i was devastated and heart broken by his double standards .He was ready to do anything for her while he was not ready to fight for me at all !What followed was me crying and wailing and upset , and he kept on consoling me.He said he will take care of me , he will be there for me , always, but at the same time he started maintaining distance.We sat in the class together , we moved around together but once the classes were over we dint talk.We went to our rooms and thats it.When I confronted him ,he said that we are here to study and we better concentrate on that , and what if we don’t talk much he is there for me always. Then came our exams and after that we went home for about a week in December.We never talked about breaking up but i could see he was moving away and i was still deciding what to do !His phone calls had gone from talking all day to no calls at all.No chit chats.Meanwhile i started sharing this with a friend , who was helping me out by constantly listening to me , giving his shoulder to grieve.This friend of mine used to text me every then nd now asking wats up with me.I used to reply between the lectures.What i dint know was the fact that he was watching me all the time.One day while i was sitting with him , he snatched my cell and read all my text messages and went from the class without saying a word.Then he called me up and said he never expected this from me , that i hurt him(he said I had started going out wid other guys which I was not) and he will never talk to me now.I somehow convinced him to talk and explained everthing.And that is how we started talking again but not like before.And I tried to see him as a friend this time , nd so I never asked why does nt he call me nd stuff.Basically I tried to have a life other than him but I failed.I was with him all the time in class hours , in college I was his girl and we being a developing country , guys usually are not very good friends with commited girls for whatever reason I don’t understand.He had started calling me his ‘best friend’ but his friends still treated me like his girl.But when we talked he always called me his friend.Meanwhile it was my birthday in march , he took me to a fancy restro where we were continuously holding hands and his one hand around my waist all the time.Later that night we even had our usual make out , and we have been toucy kissy throughout this time from September to march 2013.On my birthday he had really made me feel very special.But he had stopped calling me up and asking how I am doing.He was maintaining his distance .We were together only in class hours.We sat together , talked , shared , ate together , but once classes got over we were back to our rooms like any normal friend.I again asked he said he is busy studying and I should also concentrate on my studies.He was going through a bad phase also , so I again chose not to push things !Came May and we went to different cities for our summer project.While I was alone in that city he had company of college friends in the city he went.For first month he called me up almost daily and then again he started ignoring me.We came back , sollege started , and things were going as usual.Now call it a woman’s instinct or whatever , I started having doubts there is something going with his ex.So one day in October I started talking about his ex , who I found beautifull and I told him so.I also told him that i saw he liked his ex’s pic and it showed in my fb feeds.It was an unusual activity because he has stopped liking nd commenting on her pics long back.He smiled , he talked to me but he dint say anything.Then again in November I intiated this conversation about if he really wants to go back to his ex , he should talk to her.He said its not possible now , things can never get back to what they were, but again he chose to tell me nothing.We shared a common friend group in college.In January one of our friends got placed and she threw a party for our closed group.In that party our friends specifically asked him that if he still loves me , and he said yes I do.This was January 6,2014.By this time I had started checking out his ex regularly .. and on 14th January I could not escape their conversation on on of her pics on that day only.It was all too obvious now that things have started with her.I was shocked ! I immediately blocked him from my facebook page .Two weeks later our next semester classes resumed and again we were sitting next to each other.I again gave him a chance , I told him what I saw on facebook.But he pretended it was nothing.But he dint intiate any talks with me or asking me anything , why I did what I did.It was like he was least concerned about that.Then a gift parcel came for him , which a mutual friend of ours received on his behalf , and unfortunately I was there when it came.I saw his ex’s name on hat gift.Now I was sure of everything.On that day my eyes had swelled of crying.Later that evening he saw me , he asked me whats wrong with me , but I rudely told him to mind his own business ! One day I told him I saw the gift then also he chose to maintain his silence.Finally I decided to confront him and so I called him.I asked him is he going out with her ? After asking 5 times he replied a meek yes and said : But how does it matter! I could not control my temper .. I asked him : Was not I a friend , why dint u tell me .. His answer was I dint want to hurt you, you are my best friend and it was placement season , it would have affected your studies ! I don’t know what went into me , I started calling names , I called him Bast*** , many times and then I called him ass**** .. that is when he cut the call !  He called again at night and this time it was his turn : He told me that “he had given me a choice when he told me about his ex (he was right) , he always treated me as a friend(he was right), he always cared for me(he was right), it was me who wanted to talk he was fine both ways !”What I saw as a cheating , lying , for him it was nothing.At that time I was not able to say anything , he kept on shouting and then said this is our last talk and he does not want to talk to me anymore!!!
It took me 3 days to summarise everything and at the end of it I realised one thing.Yes he treated me as a friend all along and I misunderstood everything .May be I just wanted to be with him because I loved him and being with him gave me some happiness.I had one relationship before this which was also painfull and so I kind of got too attached with him because there was a time when he loved me .Atleast I think so.I still care for him  and I hate myself for this.I feel like I ruined a friendship out of my misunderstanding may be.He will never come back and I miss him too much.I have to see him in college everyday and it is heart breaking! Some day I bear , some day I cant get out of my bed. Right now I came home for a week and I just don’t feel like going back to college and its only two months left of our college. I want to make things right.I never wanted it to end like this. Some times I wish that he will say sorry to me sometimes I know its me who should be sorry ! Basically I am a mess. I don’t know what to do !!
Thank you for your time and patience.It was really long but I could not sum it up in short..