I know I won’t regret it,

i also need a little advice for my ups and downs. This morning I was very up, looking forward, and 30 minutes ago I was. And then I suddenly felt low.

I’m going to see him later to exchange our things. It might be a bad idea, maybe good.

I guess it’ll take time before my highs and lows stop, but it’s hard.

I can update you on how the exchange goes if you’d like.

Sierra:)

Hello Anita,

So we met up in person and. That was the longer hour of my life, I was shaking, my heart was racing and I felt a pit in my stomach. He came out of the class and then we walked somewhere quiet. We exchanged gifts and we got to talking.

I wasnt going to mention the things he’s done to me, I thought maybe time would show him. But I think I did the right thing.

I told him about the manipulating, the guilt. I told him about what he said at the party. He was shocked saying he didn’t even realize he said it and that he maybe expressed a lot when he was drunk. And then he openly told me that he’d make me feel guilt, but he thought it’d make me want to stay more. I truly saw that he felt terrible. And then I asked him if maybe there’s an angry guy on the inside, who doesn’t believe when people love him. He was hesitant, and he said there was. He told me that he’s mad and mean on the inside but he doesn’t know why. He said all he wants to do is to be nice to people but no one really shows him love back. I asked him why and he said “I honestly don’t know”. I then told him that maybe he also needs this time to reflect upon himself.

We then acted romantically. This may seem like a step backwards, but it made us both want to work on ourselves. He admitted to me that he actually thinks that this time is really needed for him because he realized that he was a part of why I ended things. I didn’t wanna guilt him, but I was happy he knew.

I do see a real future with him. I know deep down that we both need work on our inner conflicts before bringing them out in a relationship. I’m glad he acknowledged. We fit very well together like no one else, but we both know this isn’t our time. We need to be away from each other to grow. He told me he has sad thoughts and the last thing I wanna do is make him feel worse. I want him to breathe and just reflect. I wanna do the same for me.

His family isn’t too fond of me; his dad is angry that we’re just working on ourselves for our future. I told him to not wait for me cause that will not help him grow at all. It needs to be a natural spontaneous reconnection, only if it’s meent to be.

Heres another crazy thing:

He is not a writer. Neither am I. He told me he kept a diary and wrote in it at the beginning of our relationship. He then said that after many months, the first time he wrote in it was on the 14th. It baffles me because  I’m not a writer, and the first time I wrote a letter for him was on the 14th. We both said it helped us release our thoughts. It’s crazy cause we’ve confessed almost the same thoughts and I think we fit well. I still know I’m ready to date now, so I’m not forcing it.

We cut connections, and now we have to just think in our own. I’ll only go back to him when or if I’m ready. That’s how I’m looking at it. I’ll move on but I won’t forget about him.

Tell me what you think!

Sierra

Hello,

I was working today and I saw him. I took his order for his food, and I really tried not to break down the rest of the shift. I admit I cried in the bathroom a little. He was working a shift tonight too. It’s weird because my mom decided to randomly visit me at work, and she asked if he  and was there. I said no and I did not think he worked. And then my mom leaves, a few seconds later he walks in. He said he saw her. It’s just these coincidences are crazy to me. Maybe because it’s all still fresh.

I hope this time we need is worth it

I said that we both need to talk to people and that it’d make us feel better. He said he already has spoken to people, but that was a while go. I think he might consider going again.

I’ve been seeing a lot of signs around me these passed two days, whether it’s song lyrics, signs in the street, sentences that I over heard people saying, songs that come on, posts I see on Instagram. They all say that time is really worth everything.

I hope he takes his time to know that he can be loved. I told him what you said, how he thinks the love people already give him isn’t genuine, so he guilts people giving him more love. It all comes from his friends, family and experience in general. I told him that he can be loved, all he has to do is accept it and not question it. I felt like I sounded like his therapist this night, but I really hope he takes my words to heart.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Sierra.

I agree. I shouldn’t take these signs too strongly. They are little signs of hope but they can’t determine my future. I wouldn’t wanna give myself false hope.

We all need to talk to someone, it’s normal. He thanked me for not thinking he was crazy, and it’s true I really don’t think he is. Him and I are very similar in those ways.

Its hard to say that self healing takes a long long time, in reality I don’t want it to take that long, but I have to accept it.

It’s also sad because I’ve been realizing these passed few days that he’s changed things about me, and I didn’t even notice.

Sierra

Hello Anita,

well he maybe he realize that I actually do want kids and a family. Before, I wasn’t really sure If I wanted to raise children, but after my time with him I’m kind of excited for it. I also never imagined getting married, I didn’t really believe in marriage, but after us being together I’m excited for a possible marriage.

I realized that I’d have to sacrifice some things in order to be with my partner, and vice versa, and maybe I’m more ready for that now.

He changed my view on how my future will go.