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I feel guilty and lost

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  • March 20, 2015 at 9:44 am #74187
    Doreen Dawson
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,

    Thoughts have been weighing on my mind lately about my 3 year relationship and my feelings towards it.

    I know it is partially my fault for creating distance within our relationship ever since my fiance cheated on me last October. It wasn’t anything physical but just the emotion that caused it to happen still hurts me.

    Instead of trying to talk and work through it, I got upset and almost broke it off at that point. But I regained strength to move forward and forgive, at first it was easy and now it is becoming more difficult all these feelings keep coming back to me, lack of trust, the questions I have towards the whole ordeal I never got any sense of closure from it.

    To make matters worse, I won’t talk to my fiance about it he feels it over and has moved on. I have been flirting and talking to other guys in a way to get back at him for what he did to me. Which I know is wrong and totally against my values and morals.

    Now I feel guilty and lost, my feelings are so mixed I don’t know how to approach this situation. Any advice will be of help.

    March 20, 2015 at 10:00 am #74192
    Doreen Dawson
    Participant

    I know I am withholding my emotions towards the situation, which is why I feel this way.
    I do sincerely love this man, I just need to find a way to approach this instead of fighting and retaliating against him.

    March 20, 2015 at 11:09 am #74197
    RC
    Participant

    Hi Doreen,
    Thank you for posting! You are allowed to feel how you feel, and withholding and suppressing your heart and mind is going to add fuel to the fire that is causing you pain. Allow yourself to feel what you feel! You must honor your pain and frustration, forgiveness cannot be forced but is rather a true letting go. It’s not an intellectual or psychological decision, it’s a release of emotion. Is there someone you can vent to? Or something? I find it helpful to write uncensored letters (sometimes hate letters!) just to get all that “stuff” out of your exhausted brain!! Knowing he’ll never read it and that you’re safe to say whatever you want, write an uncensored letter to him and see what is there. Maybe there are things in there that you feel you could actually say to him?

    I would imagine, having been through a similar situation, that what you might really be feeling is insecure and you may have a lowered self-esteem because of this. For me those feelings can cause feelings of guilt and feeling lost. I would advise you to get in touch with what’s really underneath all that. For me, expressing and acknowledging what I’m feeling underneath the anger, revenge and distance (which is usually a really simple feeling of being hurt), is helpful to clear my head and heart and be able to seek real forgiveness. He set his attention away from you. That is hurtful! Especially if you feel even the slightest bit of insecurity about yourself, which most of us do at least from time to time.

    Let all those emotions out my girl!!!! Find a safe place and express yourself! Maybe you just need to be heard by YOU.

    Breathe and smile.

    xx
    Rose

    March 20, 2015 at 2:30 pm #74205
    Doreen Dawson
    Participant

    Hi Rose,

    Thank you so much for your reply. I am just overwhelming myself with emotions lately. I have a habit of holding feelings in on many different levels.

    I will try out a hate letter just to get my feelings out on paper and see what is underlying that is bothering me. And it might make it easier for me to explain to my fiance. Instead of seeking attention elsewhere.

    I’m going to have to make time for myself to build my confidence back up and just let these feelings out even they hurt.

    I appreciate your perspective and understanding,

    Best,
    Doreen

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