Some advice. You would really benefit from understanding adult attachment styles. What you describe is pretty classic and reminds me of me at your age.

It sounds like you have something known as an anxious attachment style. 25% of the population. As a result you will tend to be attracted to and attract people who have an avoidant attachment style. Also close to 25% of the population.

There is a super awesome book called Attached the science of adult attachment. I can’t express how great that book was for me. I also have an anxious attachment style and the book is amazing. You read it and it tells you exactly how you act and even what you think. Then you recognize the behavior of the people you date and realize the stuff about what likely good on in their mind. Do that and you will learn how to identify the right people for you so you don’t continue this pattern. You will also realize that thy he stuff they do has nothing to do with you. It’s just the way you act, it’s too intimate for them and freaks them out. But there is a whole 50% of the girls out there who are of the secure type and would love your sensitivity so long as you learn to express your needs for security. The book outlines some great advice to detect the types that will be scared of your sensitivity and those who will be perfect for and appreciate it.

Try seeing if they offer a free chapter on kindle, it’s an easy read and you will be finding the right girls in no time.

After that you may want to consider a book called the Four Agreements. With it you may learn not to judge yourself based on the reactions of other people and thus a relationship will be a nice to have but not so critical to your immediate happiness. But do attached first and try the second book after a month to let the first book sink in.

Best of luck on your journey.

Not going to write a lot here..but find out how many ‘Bad boy’..macho stud, pick up artist type guys are in a stable relationship? You will find that most college girls want to have sex or a short term gig with such personalities..but eventually end up settling with a nice guy like you!..it’s all about what you want in life..if a person accepts you for who you are and is attracted by your niceness or innocence..then that’s the right girl for you…there is no such thing as I am alone because I am too nice..that just means you got to expand your circle of females and stay away from the bi%%s that just want physical attachment..

Alexy, people are best at being themselves and suck longterm when they have to act fake. So do yourself a favor and find the girls who want you just the way you are.

I think it’s a problem of perspective. You sell yourself short and i think you put others into positions they rather not be in. Let me explain.

You try and seek if the other girl wants to be in a relationship with you. Essentially you are making her the judge of you with your feelings in the balance. I don’t think most girls (especially at that age) want to be responsible for your feelings or live up to these not fully expressed expectations.

So I think you need to learn to flip things around and be more compassionate for these girls many of whom are dealing with a challenging time in life as they get adjusted to maturing into adulthood. Which means you have to take the lead.

From this point forward YOU need to be the one who figure out for himself if a girl meets all the criteria you want. For example, does she click with you, how do you feel around her, does she seem like she is a caring person, do you think she shares your values, etc. The difference here is you are actively trying to figure these things out as you talk and observe her in real time (not in your imagination).

If you are concerned with what she might think of you then you are missing the important thing here. Is she right for you? You don’t know unless you ask all the questions and have time to observe. If you are hinting that you might want a relationship at some point and you have not answered this question then you are asking her to leap in so you feel comfortable while you don’t really know what you should know because you are spending way too much time in your own head. You are making her take the lead. Girls like that about as much as you asking them where they want to go.

YOU need to make a list of all the qualities that you think are ideal. Know what you want and explore to see if you find those qualities. And it shouldn’t be something you can figure out quickly so that means you may need to be curious for quite a while. Which also means since it will take time you should try and enjoy the process and keep things light until you know this girl may have what it takes to emotionally invest more.

Second be transparent. Hey I like to have fun, I love to make new friends but know this about me, I am always on the lookout for that someone special. It takes me a while to figure out if the person I see potential in may have all the things I am looking for but if she does then I won’t shy away from expressing it and seeing if she feels the same way.

If we become friends and that’s all that is cool. If we find we both want to become more well that’s cool too, but let’s just enjoy seeing what happens.

I think for your personality that gives them the perfect amount of transparency and space that they will need. And you will be taking the lead and telling them you will be considerate before asking them to take a leap of faith, that you will give them the space to be whatever with you that they may want and they have no expectation to have to be judge and jury with your feelings in the balance. In short they have the courtesy of being free to think of themselves and what they want without a consequence to you.

Hope that was not to wordy, but taking care of your needs first and being direct abput ii is actually less selfish than unwittingly putting them in the position of holding your future feelings in the balance.

Get the book. Change your perspective to take care of yourself while still being compassionate to others and go kick some ass!