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I feel no love anymore

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • August 6, 2018 at 9:21 am #220469
    Allison
    Participant

    Hello,

    I have felt no “romantic” love for my husband for a long time. For years I felt we grew apart, I felt alone in our marriage. I was a mother and a wife but hated being a wife. He never wants to go anywhere or do anything and uses the excuse of money. I started going out with the girls more and found myself drifting far away from him. I did move out last year to a small one bedroom and couldn’t make the rent. So I moved back home because my kids missed me and my husband became so angry and bitter he needed help taking care of them. I have hurt him a lot so we are living together now, as parents and it just feels wrong because I don’t want to be married to him. I don’t want to try to save our marriage. I do respect him as a father and provider. But as a soulmate, no more.

    Thanks for listening,

    alibro991

     

    August 6, 2018 at 10:23 am #220477
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Allison:

    It reads to me that you are very sure about not wanting to be married to your husband and you don’t want to live with him in any capacity. Being as sure as you are, better plan to move out and get a divorce, but plan and execute a plan better this time, so that you don’t go back to living with him because of an inability to pay rent. Better cement the ending of the marriage so that you can proceed and so that he will have the opportunity to do the same.

    The well being of your children is most important. They probably sense your unhappiness as well as their father’s. And so, better resolve and dissolve the situation as soon as possible taking their well being into consideration as a top  priority. I don’t know who they should be living with, you or your husband, some arrangement needs to be done so that their distress is minimized.

    I hope to read more of your thoughts and feelings, hoping to be of some help to you, however little that may be.

    anita

    August 6, 2018 at 10:26 am #220479
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Allison,

    Looks like your future options need time before any decision is made.

    It may feel wrong to live together due to the distance that you feel but it is probably right since you have done it for your kids. Children tend to be affected by these things so while you figure out your course of action please try and ensure that your kids have your full attention when you are with them. That I feel would be top priority for now.

    Take care

    August 6, 2018 at 11:18 am #220489
    Allison
    Participant

    Thank Anita,

    I am grateful to my husband for letting me move back home and not with my parents. We stopped marriage counseling a long time ago because neither of us are putting in any effort. But I still feel he wont let me go. As unhappy as he is and as much as I have hurt him, he is very co-dependent and wont move on. We are together in the house as a family, but I’m sure my children are picking up on Mom & Dad are not as they used to be. My daughter is 15 and my boy is 12. I am hoping in maybe 3 years I can make another exit as painless as possible.

    Allison

    August 6, 2018 at 11:43 am #220495
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Allison:

    You have a plan then, to move out in about three years when your daughter is 18 and your son fifteen.

    To make these three years as painless as possible, maybe even successful, better make a plan as to how to function within these three years. If you want to consider such a plan, here on your thread, do share as much as you would like to share about the nature of your husband’s co dependence, on your attraction to him before, that which led you into a relationship with him, about what made that attraction void, nd whatever it is that might be relevant and useful.

    Better of course if you were to work on such a plan in counseling/ psychotherapy with a capable therapist, with him or if he refuses, then without him.

    I will be back to the computer in about sixteen hours. Hope to read from you when I am back. There was a reply to you from another member, maybe other members will reply to you as well.

    anita

    August 6, 2018 at 12:47 pm #220509
    Prash
    Participant

    Dear Allison,

    Sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are in and the decision that you have come to after suffering for a long time. Hope you have been able to take some steps towards some level of financial independence which will help you after you make the exit.

    You also mentioned about being grateful to your husband about letting you move back home and not with your parents. It looks as if there is some pain that you have been through even prior to your marriage.

    Hope you are able to deal in the best way possible with whatever situation you face.

    Prayers for your as smooth as possible exit

     

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