Hi, I believe you wont’t  judge me after hearing my story. I am approx 32 years old bachelor and belong to Hindu community in India. The moment I entered my teenage years , i started developing strong romantic /sexual feelings. During the same age I left my previous school to join the other school. In my previous school I used to be the topper of my class and everyone from teacher to student would love me for that. The moment I joined the new school, my insecurites and fear started taking over me. I used to be the shortest guy in the class (Right now ,I am 5’3”)with a burn scar on half of my face. In the new school, students and even teachers would tease me for my short height. I started feeling so bad about myself. I did a lot of exercise and yoga but to no vain. I was approx 12 years at that time. When I was 16, I developed my first crush over one of my class mates. She was very beautiful and had a very sweet voice. But I never dared to propose her because I thought she would never accept my proposal. During this phase I developed quite huge inferiority complex, which continues till today. Though I left the school in 2004 , I had crush over this girl till 2008 which I never told to anyone. Meanwhile during this phase I developed a fantasy that my girlfriend should be someone very pretty with a very beautiful voice , talkative but understanding. Again in 2012 and 2014 I had crush over two different girls but I never dared to propose them. Besides they already had boyfriends. I developed such a huge need for a romantic relationship.My period of crushes were vey depressing ,as I would keep self sabotaging myself and even developed depression in earlier phase. So having a romantic relationship became quite impossible for me.

I remember during this phase , I started talking to my first cousin (My mother’s sister’s daughter).Initially we used to talk very less(usually 15-3o days). This all started in 2012. I used to get very positive vibes whenever I talked to her but I never thought of having a relationship with her, as she is my cousin . She is very pretty with a very sweet voice, she is quite talkative , but very understanding and really  very good human being in true sense. She has all the qualities which I had ever fantasized about in a good life partner. We have been best friends for last 5-6 years. I realized , 2 years ago that I had started developing romantic feelings for her. I quite suppressed it initially but I let her know about this in Feb.Still she was quite supportive, as we decided we will never let this feeling come between our friendship. In May, she told me she has a boyfriend and I was quite annoyed at her for not letting me know about this initially. Though since I proposed her, our frequency of talking increased quite further(Daily).In September, my aunt got to know about my feelings for her and last week ,  we had a fight over her boyfriend, which her mom heard. And since then we have kind of stopped talking. My cousin has told me that our relationship is not possible because we are in First cousin relationship.In our society , its unacceptable and illegal. I want to find out a way to marry her because she has been the only girl so close to me ,ever in my life. She is all I had ever dreamt for. She is my best friend, quite understanding and sensitive, talkative, pretty with a pretty voice. For me its like an oasis in the desert. I really dont know how to deal with this situation. This all has become a trauma for me and I am in real pain. Its like my life is falling apart. Its like God gave me someone so beautiful  human being I would have ever asked for and then snatched her away.