I am glad I found this forum. I have had a similar experience except I am on the other side of the situation. I have a very dear friend whom I love very very much but am not ‘in love’ with as I am in love with my husband. But he is ‘in love’ with me, meaning has romantic feelings for me for a long time now. We first became friends about 8 years ago and instantly were able to connect at so many different levels, including a spiritual level. We realized that our souls had really touched each other, that maybe our souls knew each other from the past, and we both cherish each other a lot. I have learnt sooo much from him and grew so much with his company or by him just being in my life. We were both married and I myself have told my husband about this different connection that I have with this friend. But I never did have any other feelings for him (romantic or sexual) even though I do consider him one of my soul mates (as I believe you can have more than one soul mate). He of course does not believe that and firmly believes that we are soul mates and we are meant to be together in every way. He never lied about his feelings and told me from the very onset of these feelings because he didn’t want to cheat me. Similarly, I never wanted him to get the wrong idea so was pretty vocal about my feelings for my husband and he said he respected me all the more for that he said. It was complicated but we were still good friends.

But, after a few years (where we would be chatting with each other almost everyday), we realized that the disparity, and the disconnect in our feelings for each other was causing him too much pain and in return pain for me because I could not see him that way. I had tried many times before unsuccessfully to part ways with him, but finally after more than 2 years I finally made the tough decision and stuck to it. We didn’t talk to each then for almost 2+ years but then all of sudden we again got in contact with each other out of the blue. I was going through a very straining phase in my marriage and he was also going through something personally. We both bonded again and tried helping each other out by just being there for each other. This again lasted for another year or so and again because of the disparity and his strong feelings I decided once more to distance myself even though he assured me that he would be happier with having me in his life in any way and form (even as a friend) rather than not having me at all. But I found that it was just harder for us as we had more conflicts because of this.

My friends who knew about us both were worried that my problems at home could perhaps fog my judgement and I could maybe fall for my soulmate/friend but that was not the reason I part ways with him again at that time. I knew and still know in my heart that even in those times I only had those kind of feelings for my husband, while I tried day and night to repair that relationship (as did my husband I am sure). So I was not confused between my deep and true love for my husband nor was I ashamed of my love for my friend (as a friend), but because I could see that he was again getting too emotionally fragile being with me, I decided to again end that and stopped talking to him. It had been almost 3 years since that decision and we maybe messaged each other once every 6 months or so during that time. It was just for a day or something like that. It was almost for a kind of reassurance maybe that we are still there for each other even though we may not be together or speaking to each other every day.

But last month that ended and I think it has ended for good. I really missed him one day and (even though I was never the one to message him on my own before), I decided to message him. Something happened while we were talking and we both fought with each other and I left the conversation. Normally he would always come after me to resolve it as none of us ever wanted to leave a bad taste in the mouth after one of these ‘once in a blue moon’ conversations. But he didn’t, and I again messaged him 2 days later. Same thing happened and I saw that he is actually now distancing himself from me by becoming this cold cold person. I was hurt I tried one last time but he apparently had really made himself into a stone almost that cannot feel anymore and he totally ignored me. He did not even give me a chance to say goodbye. And now I am a mess. I miss him so dearly now more so than in the past 3 years, because even though we didn’t regularly talk to each other in that time, we always knew the other person was there, always there. Now I know he is not. And it’s killing me. I am not having these feelings because I secretly love him or anything but is it wrong to feel so much pain when I was not as emotionally vested in the relationship as he was? Is it wrong to have a soul mate that is not your husband and love him dearly but still be in-love with your husband? I usually have a hard time when any of my friendships break and I know this because i am an emotional person, but this time it just hurts too much to think that he is gone probably forever. Many a times I wished he would stop having these feelings for me and just be a friend, but now I think perhaps he has killed those feelings altogether and thus killed whatever little that was left of our relationship. I am angry and just in too much pain that I cannot share with anyone else.

Dear Scw:

The original poster of this thread, whom you quoted, deleted her account sometime in 2014, more than 10 years ago, so I doubt she will be reading your post of today. Also, there is no PM option here.

If you would like to share more about your situation, thoughts and feelings, you are welcome to do it here, and I, for one, would be glad to read and reply.

* Dear Friend: I somehow missed your post of only 5 days ago. Are you still here, reading this? Please let me know.

anita

Dear Scw:

You are very welcome. What you’re experiencing sounds incredibly intense and deeply personal—a wave of emotions that almost seems to have caught you off guard. It’s understandable to feel bewildered when such strong feelings surface seemingly out of nowhere.

Whether this emotional connection with this man stems from a past-life bond or subconscious emotions surfacing from this life, the intensity you feel is real and worth exploring.

The way you describe your experience—thinking, missing, longing, yearning, crying—suggests that something within you has been awakened, something perhaps buried or unprocessed. Sometimes, longing for someone isn’t just about them—it’s about a longing for something lost in ourselves or an ache for a time in our past that we cannot undo.

It happens that emotions lie dormant within us—feelings we don’t fully recognize or process at the time—but when something triggers them, they resurface with surprising intensity.

It’s possible that part of this experience is linked to fantasy or idealization. Since your interactions with him were limited over the years, your mind may have filled in the gaps, creating an idealized connection that feels stronger than the reality of your relationship.

You wrote, “From thinking to missing to longing to yearning.”- If in this lifetime, you’ve been yearning for deep emotional connection, excitement, or meaning, your mind might have attached those feelings to him, making your emotions feel intense and even spiritual.

Maybe this is a subconscious attempt to resolve something from this life. You wrote, “He was treating me with extraordinary care and I think I felt he was special but I didn’t know why.”- maybe what needs to be resolved is the absence of extraordinary care in childhood, or the loss of that extraordinary care sometime along the way?

Regardless of the reason, your emotions are valid, and there’s no right or wrong way to feel. What matters is giving yourself time and space to process them, without pressure to define or act on them right away. You’re not alone in experiencing sudden emotional awakenings—many people go through similar situations when something from their past unexpectedly resurfaces.

anita

Dear Scw:

You are very welcome! I would like to reply further in the next day or two, when I have the time to give this my full attention. Please feel free to add anything you would like to add before I return to you.

anita

Dear Anita

Oh thank you so much. And I truly appreciate your kind understanding on my situation. Thanks for being so supportive and not patronizing me for having such emotional waves and pain. I am slowly healing now.. although I wonder why it took 10 years and just a brief add on fb can bring so much pain and longing when nothing actually happened in the past. I will look into the info you recommended. Truly appreciate your sharing. 🙂 lots of love 💕

Scw