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I have been sleeping and sexting a guy with a gf

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  • #295901
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    So, I am in no way trying to justify what is happening but I haven’t been able to talk to anyone in my life about it, and recently the anxiety I’ve so stupidly given myself by getting into this situation has made me feel ill. I have no idea what my next move should be. So here we go.

     

    I met this guy as a customer from where I work several months ago, I immediately had a crush on him and I would casually flirt, not really expecting it to go anywhere honestly. Then about 2 and a half (3?) Months ago, I see him in my apartment complex and we get to talking.

     

    Fast forward to us hanging out a lot at his condo, he would always invite me over to smoke and “chill”. At this point, I wasn’t sure what to think. It sure seemed like he was courting me for a relationship (which I was definitely into), but things weren’t adding up. He didn’t try to take me out, only inviting me to his condo. I started to ask myself more questions, like why he was so vague about his personal life outside of the things he told me about work and moving here from out of state. I question him the next time we are together about other social media of his- he tells me he’ll send it to me and then doesn’t speak to me for a week.

    This is a little embarrassing, but growing up in the digital age makes it pretty easy to find someone online based off the little he told me about himself. Long story short, I found his Facebook and Instagram- where I then discovered his gf.

    I’m not covering every detail cause if I did this would be way too long, but I confronted him about it and he assured me he was actually single just “talking” to someone. So basically for the first time after that we do some oral sex and makeout, and then he tells me he has a gf and was just thinking with his dick trying to get with me for “the fantasy of the girl next door” or something like that.

    I ended it after that but we started up again shortly thereafter and it’s just been a few meet ups and sexting. I feel awful because I know he doesn’t give a shit about me and is only using me, and worse yet, I discover his gf is the one who actually owns the condo and he’s pretty much just living there with her. We haven’t spoken now for four days and I have been so lost as to what I should do.. i know I’ve really messed up but where do I go from here?? Should I tell his gf?

    #295925
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Rachel:

    Regarding “where do I go from here??”- clearly, no more meet ups with him, no more sexting, no more sex anything between you and him.

    Regarding his girlfriend who  owns the condo where he lives and where he had sex with you (while she was at work?), did you ever meet her or see her, any interactions previously between him and his girlfriend?

    anita

     

    #295935
    Mark
    Participant

    Rachel

    You know what to do.

    No reason to let the girlfriend know.  That will suck you into the drama.

    Mark

     

    #296251
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Rachel,

    If he’s doing this to you… and you stopped… chances are he will cheat on his girlfriend with someone else. Who he dares bring back to HER condo!

    On some level the girlfriend knows. Or will one day confront reality with someone who would tell her.

    As for you, I wouldn’t be his dirty little secret. Tell him it’s all or nothing with you, and now that you know he has this character flaw, it is now and forever nothing.

    And, bonus, IF the girlfriend asks about you and him, tell her the truth. All of it. Don’t tacitly agree to protect him. That assumption right there is arrogant of him. (Half of all women WOULD tell!)

    Best,

    Inky

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