Dear Elijah:

I suggest you keep seeking and taking  the help you need to  manage your anger  so that you are never again abusive to another, be it  a girlfriend or worse, your own children when you do access them.

I had  great  trouble managing my own anger but learned starting with my  first  quality psychotherapy and  ongoing  work to endure my distress without reacting to  it impulsively, any which way. For a long time  it was  about suffering that distress, wanting to say things but resisting the urge. There are different skills I learned in psychotherapy, emotional regulation skills, to lessen the intensity of distress so to be less  reactive.  My therapist referred to those  skills as a box of  tools and you pick a tool that fit the  circumstance at  any particular time, anything  from taking a long  walk outdoors too a  guided short meditation (mindfulness theme), to CBT exercises  (challenging a thought that caused  the  distress) and more.

anita

Dear Elijah:

You are welcome and  I  wish you well.  Anytime you want to post here, please do.

anita

Hello Elijah, sorry for the late reply, but yes I’m here.

What were the things you lied about?

My ex partner hurt me a lot, he would go clubbing all the time and not make time for me, he made excuses for everything, he was very out going and would make me feel left out, when we argued he never understood how I felt and would always make stupid excuses instead of listening and understanding. We broke up for a different reason but I forgive him for all those things because he was young, he was still growing and learning, I wasn’t helping either, I was being too naggy and would question everything. But the space apart made us grow as two different people, we are now friends who respect each other, he wants another chance and I would give him another chance if things were different but I’m deep into another relationship and time has went on too much.

Now in terms of my new partner, I am happy and love him but he has also made me feel hurt. He gets angry sometimes and when he does it’s really bad, he becomes cold toward me, he doesn’t want to be near me, he talks very bluntly too. This is something he needs to work on but other than that, he is my best friend, he is the man who knows me inside out, who cares for me deeply, who has made me feel special like no one ever has. No one ever has a picture perfect relationship, we all get put through tests and have to overcome hard obstacles. You know its real when you overcome those obstacles, I understand if you have tried so hard and theres no other way other than to walk away, but you don’t know unless you try. Never make permanent decisions on temporary feelings, because you will regret not giving that one last chance later on.