Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→I have zero respect for my parents
- This topic has 1 reply, 2 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 8 months ago by @Jasmine-3.
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April 16, 2014 at 10:43 pm #54946Emotional WreckParticipant
This could be a long story, but please bear with me. I have been internally debating whether to post this or not for a few weeks now, but things are not getting any better, so here we are. I am in my mid-twenties, and I come from a family that has a history of domestic violence. I witnessed my parents getting at it hard when I still very young, and their fights are still as violent, though not so much physical anymore. They tear each other down emotionally whenever they argue. What makes things worse is that they will take all the fucking wrong decisions in a moment of anger. They will sleep in separate rooms, decide to separate or file for a divorce, and not talk to one another for weeks. Then everything will be back to normal in a month or two. I am so tired of this!
And talking to them is of NO USE. Conversation only fuels the fire. They are incapable of sitting down and having a rational discussion. But, through it all, I feel very neglected. My needs for a loving home and parents I can confide in are not met. Because they are too busy being self-centered and NOT sorting out their own shit! I moved back in with them to help them out financially, and I feel like my emotional development is getting stunted. I cannot move out at this point, though. I cannot afford it right now, and I don’t want to be the daughter who abandoned her family. I don’t feel comfortable even being around them. No one cares cares to know about my feelings, how my job is going, what my dreams are for my future, etc.
This situation is starting to take a toll on me. I am so stressed out that I have fungus growing on several parts of my body, I don’t know where I am going professionally, I lash out at my boyfriend very often (Thankfully, he is extremely patient and understanding.), I have zero friends, and I hate myself. I crave for loving, emotionally stable parental figures who can meet my emotional needs and guide me in life. Is that too much to ask for? Am I being selfish?
Please don’t get me wrong, I love my parents. I am grateful to them for having raised me and done things for me, but I don’t know if I like them? I’m sorry if that’s a mean thing to say. I try to understand that they have their own emotional turmoils, but I can’t be the one who’s always saving them. They are also quite harsh and judgmental. They often take out their anger on me, and I have learnt that they also say mean things about me behind my back. (They talk about EVERYONE.) But despite it all, I am there for them when they need me or when they’re fucking everything up.
I have tried metta meditation to be able to have more compassion for them, but it’s not enough. Our house is not a home anymore. It’s like a building that’s constantly in mourning because it’s so dead inside. Please help me help myself.
April 16, 2014 at 11:07 pm #54948@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Emotional Wreck
I am sorry for the way you feel. I am not sure if my perspective on this issue will help you at this stage but I will make an attempt.
First of all, you are not alone, who has a dysfunctional family. There are many children out there who are going through similar problems as yourself, which is unfortunate but a real fact of life. So instead of feeling like a victim, we need to become in control of the situation, ie, change the mentality of “why me, what that” to “how can I make things better for myself”. Some suggestions below:
1. Accept that you have a dysfunctional family and may continue to have one for as long as you live. You can’t control your parents behaviour. However, you can control yours. By wanting to have a loving family, you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself as the situation is out of your control.
2. Pls do whatever it takes but move out of the house. When we are surrounded by negativity or negative energy, it is hard to stay positive or bring about a lasting positive change in self. You wont be able to become compassionate in that house with that sort of negativity around even if you do meditation 24 hours a day. Energy flows from high to low. When people are vibrating at predominantly negative energy, their energy engulfs everything on the way unless you stand tall against that negativity. For that, you need to be more positive than what you are currently.
3. Fungal infections are opportunistic infections and it highlights that you are killing your soul every minute. You are doing things against your will. Stop it. You are way more worth than how you are treating yourself.
4. Once you have raised your positivity and compassion index to such a high level that your parents negativity does not cause any effect on you, you will be able to love them from your higher self. They will then definitely change for the better as they will be able to feel your positivity and unconditional love.
5. I dont have an answer as to why your parents are the way they are but what I can tell is one thing from my experience: unconditional love can lead to miracles. Unconditional love comes about only when we are able to accept for who we are, forgive our own self for the pain that we have caused knowingly or unknowingly. When we accept, love and forgive self, only then can we love anyone else. Do you know what I mean ? Think over these lines for a few mins.
6. I can recommend a book that may assist you in getting your life back to where it should be. Feel the fear and do it anyway by Susan Jeffers. Start with the last 2 chapters and if they resonate with you, you can read the first 10 chapters for tools to use to begin your journey of self care and nurture.
7. Pls forgive your parents for all the pain, hurt and judgments. They do not know any better otherwise they wouldn’t be doing this to you. BUT, you do know better as you wouldn’t have asked for help otherwise.
8. Pls change your alias from emotional wreck to emotionally sound or something more positive. Learn to vibrate at higher frequencies of positivity.
Sending you loads of positive energy and you will be in my prayers tonight.
Jasmine
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