I’m 26 y/o and I fell in love with a 21 y/o girl named Maya on a Jewish dating site. It was my first love and intimate relationship. Let me explain. I’m an orthodox Jew who was born into a secular family. For the past 5 years I’ve been trying to be more religious in order to discover something more meaningful in life and to prepare for marriage and family based on my religious values. But I always felt like I could never belong because I was the “odd one out”. It was hard to get accepted by either religious or secular women because I didn’t fall in either category. So I thought I could never marry an orthodox woman and I didn’t want to settle for someone who wasn’t religious.

When I felt ready and close enough to G-d (emotionally and spiritually), I told myself I would start dating for marriage. I was ready, and I felt so good! I joined a Jewish matchmaking site and weeks later I was matched with Maya who checked all my boxes. She was Jewish, Israeli, religious, and came from a nonreligious background like me. But she was in college in Florida and I was in Connecticut working full time. I approved Maya’s profile thinking not much of it, and a week later she approves me online!

We exchanged numbers over the internet, and I sent her a text that I wanted to get to know her. Maya was looking for a soulmate much longer than I (believe it or not) and when we spoke, we instantly clicked. We immediately scheduled a second phone call. But as the 3^rd and 4^th phone calls came along, I got more nervous because it was becoming too good to be true. I was feeling less confident about myself and I was afraid I’d say something on the phone that would make her leave me. I was getting extremely stressed for a short time. But a week later she and I discovered that we would both be in Maryland by coincidence for the holyday of Passover!!! We decided over the phone that we would meet there in person for the first time.

The eve of Passover rolls around and I meet her at her brother’s hotel lobby where she is staying. She looked even more beautiful in person. She had large gorgeous eyes, thick and dark long hair, baby face, soft beautiful hands and fingers, and curves in all the right places. She asked me if I wanted to go upstairs and meet her parents. I agreed. Her parents seemed like the parents I wished I had; warm, observant, and modest. Our first date was excellent, and I loved her parents! In the orthodox community, the dating process and very short, (3-6 months). But afterwards, I lowered my expectations of Maya because I believed she was too good for me and I didn’t deserve her. So I figured our date didn’t work out. Then later that evening I got a text message from Maya wishing me a happy Passover and asked me when she can see me again. I was so happy!!

When I went back to Connecticut we continued to speak on the phone. Only this time we used FaceTime. And once again I got nervous before we spoke. But while we’re talking I felt like I could be myself. Shortly later she tells me that she misses me. I was so surprised thinking how a girl so great would miss me and want to see me?!?! I told her that I would fly down to Florida to meet her again on a Sunday.

We meet in Florida and things got more serious. We sat on a park bench for a few hours and discussed our visions in marriage, what our religious customs will be, and how long we will date. The questions began to get too heavy for me and I felt like I was being judged. At the end of our date, I started to cry in front of her, and confessed to her that I didn’t think I could ever get married. I warned her that I wanted to see her again, but just because I have to visit her in Florida for a Sunday doesn’t mean she has to keep going. Maya said it was okay and that she wanted to continue seeming me!

In the airport flying home, I told her I really enjoyed her company. And she sends me beautiful pictures of her. She was so cute!!! Back in our respective towns, we hit it off. We pronounced ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend and we spoke every night on FaceTime for hours. I week later, I said the magic words “I loved you.” over the phone and she said “I love you to.” Our love grew so large. She made everyday worth it and just seeing her face lit me up inside. All I wanted to do is shower her with my love and affection, and make her the happiest girl alive. I just want to live for her, and help her through her struggles. Every little text and phone call with Maya boosts my mood. It felt like I’m walking on air. But I still felt insecure, because Maya was so amazing, I felt deep down that she was too good for me, but she always told me that she loved me. I was so lucky to have her. I began to realize that she wouldn’t leave me. And over time, my anxieties began to disappear.

One day at work Maya’s mother calls me and asks me if I would like to surprise her daughter and propose to her on Thanksgiving. I was so happy and agreed! It was a dream come true. It was a fairytale. I flew to Florida, and surprised her in her backyard with huge red flowers, and a gold bracelet. It was the happiest day of my life – times a thousand!! Our love was so great.

We continued to text all the time when we were apart, and we did FaceTime for 2-3 hours every night before bed. We would fall asleep together on Facetime. Eventually I would fly down to Florida every other Sunday to see Maya. And one evening, I surprised her with a HUGE diamond ring that she picked out a while back. We were on the beach at night and it was so romantic. My heart was souring. Before we knew it, Maya’s parents set a wedding date 3 months from that day. It was a dream come true. Then we discussed wedding plans and her parents started to become pushy. She wanted the wedding in Florida and I agreed. She said she wanted to invite 200-250 of HER friends to the wedding. I agreed. And she said she couldn’t afford much of the wedding itself at all. And I offered to pay for the whole wedding as well. (I could afford it with the help of my parents). And lastly, Maya wanted me to move down to Florida and quit my job because she wanted to live next to her parents. I agreed because I didn’t like Connecticut anyway and I wanted to please her. In the meantime, Maya’s parents organized the wedding, and my parents and I just sent money checks.

The next week was a little frustrating. Maya was complaining about how she didn’t like the engagement ring she picked out. And she started complaining about the wedding arrangements her mother made. As she complained I did my best to make her happy. I began to get involved in the wedding arrangements in order to please her. And I asked a jeweler to make modifications to the ring. It was exhausting, because Maya would constantly change her mind, but I loved doing whatever I could to make her happy and make everything work.

After an engagement party in Florida during Xmas break, Maya tells me in the car that she’s feeling very nervous and expresses a slew of problems she has with my personality. She says I’m too weak, sensitive, and didn’t like how I held my mother’s hand during our engagement party. I started to cry, and Maya got frustrated, saying that she needed space. I respected her decision and went to a friend’s house crying. My friend tells me not to contact her until she responds to me first. And I did. Later that evening Maya texts me to see how I’m doing. I lied and said I was fine. She apologized. The next morning we go to the park and she begins crying saying she wasn’t ready when I proposed to her. I told her I would shield her from my anxieties and Maya and her parents suggested I see premarital therapy. I happily agreed because I wanted things to work out.

Her psychologist was a longtime friend of Maya’s parents, and I told the psychologist my issues growing up, and my current anxieties of moving to Florida, finding a job, and providing for Maya. I also discussed with him about my low self esteem and my constant willingness to always please others because I’m worried about what they think of me. Looking back this psychologist probably told Maya and her parents the content which was discussed…

I left Florida the next day and felt terrible because I thought that I was suffering a severe mental illness. I didn’t talk or speak to Maya all day because I thought she was really mad at me. That evening I decide to text her and she says she was really worried about me because I didn’t call her for some time. I apologized and thanked her for thinking about me. I spoke to my Rabbis about these issues in our relationship and they recommend that for one month I avoid going to Florida. Meanwhile we keep speaking for hours on FaceTime every evening after work. But I’ve been noticing that Maya has been increasingly nervous about the marriage. I did my best to comfort her and tell her how much I love her. I continued to speak to Maya’s psychologist over the phone twice a week.

The wedding was now a 5 weeks away and I gave my 2 weeks notice at work. I scheduled a moving truck to take my belongings to Florida 3 weeks before the wedding. I went back to Florida to see Maya again after I quit my Connecticut job. Maya was acting very quiet and serious and she was beginning to nitpick everything I did. It was difficult but we both signed an apartment lease together and bought a new bedroom set before a very important job interview. In the car ride to my interview, Maya asks me what’s wrong, and I mentioned that I couldn’t concentrate. She began to dig and dig and I said it could have been because of a diagnosis I had back in high school for a learning/social disability. I wasn’t sure what it was exactly but I just know my parents wanted me to take advantage of extended time testing in school. Maya began to freak out and asked if I had schizophrenia. I said no and denied it flat out. She was quiet the whole car ride to my job interview. My job interview goes extremely well and I come back very optimistic that I may get an acceptance call next week. I call Maya and she seems happy for me. That evening I joined Maya and her family for a beautiful Sabbath dinner together. Maya was acting sweet, served me lots of food, and took good care of me. Then we both took a walk outside and she tells me how she was feeling very stressed about the wedding. I told her I was stressed also and that when everything is over the stress will go away.

The next morning I walk to synagogue expecting to meet Maya later that afternoon for a luncheon. I didn’t see her but I did see her parents. I greeted Maya’s mother but she ignored me. And the Rabbi also ignores me. I felt things were very strange and I was beginning to feel alone and worried. Suddenly Maya’s step father grabs me and pulls me outside and tells me that Maya was crying all night. He says I need to leave the synagogue when Maya comes and that in the evening I need to speak to Maya at her house to resolve some issues. I was extremely nervous and confused. I didn’t know what I did wrong, in fact, I was almost sure I did nothing wrong. I left the synagogue that afternoon and walked around town for hours worried and scared about what happened to Maya. I didn’t have a car. Late that evening Maya’s step father picks me up to drive me to her house to have the talk with her at the house as planned. In the car Maya’s step father tells me how I cannot force other people to love me and that if I had sex with her step daughter, I would be raping her. I was confused.

I go into Maya’s house anxious to talk to her and find out the problem. I wait for her in her backyard and Maya walks out. I go in for a hug and Maya suddenly steps back and refuses. She then apologizes and tells me she is calling OFF the wedding. I froze for ten long seconds. My world was falling apart. All those trips to Florida, quitting my job, our new apartment, all our wedding plans and invitations came crashing. And worst of it was the hard truth – Maya was leaving me!!!! I asked her why and she said she didn’t love me. I quickly countered and reminded her that she said she loved me every day. She then responded, “I never meant it”. I fell on the floor and begged her that we can fix things. She said no. I was on the floor in front of her as she was standing there cold with her arms crossed. Her next words haunted me. She then commanded me to “STAND UP AND BE A MAN”! I stood up immediately and felt completely abused. I then told Maya if she could get her parents. She leaves to get them, but does not come back. I asked her parents what’s going on and why this is happening. They say that Maya doesn’t love me. I fall on the floor again and I fall into shock, gasping for air. I tell her parents that I love Maya with all my heart and that I would kill for her. Maya’s step father then yells at me, and demands I leave his house. I get up and attempt to hug her step father and he backs away saying he will not hug me. I fall on the floor again and said that I think I have problems. Maya mother says I’m a weak person and that I should get help immediately. The step father comes back, and hands me back Maya’s engagement ring, bracelet, and diamond necklace. And her mother hands me bread for the flight home. I take the jewelry and go outside. Her step father dumps me at my friend’s house and tells me I should be ashamed for “twisting Maya’s arm”.

I cried all night, and in my sleep. And the next day I went with 3 friends to Disney World. I cried in Disney World and called all my friends and Rabbis. Maya’s step father also calls me out of the blue and threatens that if I don’t delete my photos and messages from my phone, he will come for me saying he knows where I am. My parents could not believe the engagement broke only 3 weeks before the wedding day. I was paralyzed, and my parents booked a flight for me the next evening. However the silver lining is that I get a phone call that I was accepted for the job I interviewed for 3 days ago in Florida.

It’s been exactly 3 month since the breakup and we haven’t spoken since. Maya emailed me a forgiveness letter, and I responded in a long email describing how I felt abused. There has been no response since. I’m heartbroken and crushed. Maya was my princess angel and I did absolutely everything for her. From moving, to getting a new job, to paying for the whole wedding, and getting an apartment. I was felt like I was taken advantage of. I felt betrayed and guilty. I feel like if I was only stronger none of this would have happened. I will never find a girl as amazing as my Maya. I cannot stop blaming myself.