Dear Sox:

You asked if it would be wise to give him a piece of your mind through “a letter or an email or a message on WhatsApp or call him from some other number?”

– My answer: do not call him from another number because he blocked you from several numbers and calling him yet again is inviting yet another blocking, and that’s humiliating, isn’t it? Plus, it may lead to him taking a legal restraining order against you, or such legal option that is available to him (?)

– You shared that you “live in a small town where everyone knows everyone”. I forgot if you shared where he lives… not in your town?

– My favorite way of expressing my raw emotions is in writing. Writing is slower than typing so I get more in touch with my emotions when I write than when I type. Try it and see how it goes for you: when you are alone so there is no one to interrupt you and no distractions, situate yourself comfortably and write him a letter: list your grievances against him in detail (including of course, him doing you wrong by the way he broke up with you), and express your raw emotions in regard to what he did you wrong.

Make sure that there you do not express in the letter anything like wishing him physical harm, anything that may be interpreted as you making a threat against him- a letter (as well as an online message and a phone call) is evidence that can be used in a court of law.

anita

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by .

Dear Sox:

I don’t see anything wrong then with your sending him a letter or an online message listing what he did wrong to you and expressing how his wrongdoings hurt you. There is a very small chance that he will consider what you write to him and behave differently in the future, with  other people. Most importantly, for your purposes, it may help you feel better, knowing you have expressed to him all that was on your mind and heart regarding how he hurt you.

I am fine with you sharing the letter/ message here and if you want, I will give you my thoughts about it. There is no private messaging on this website. Because this is a public forum, don’t mention his real name or any identifying names/ details.

“I don’t believe reaching out will give me closure, will it? Closure is in my hands, isn’t it? I can move on without sending that text?”- I don’t think that writing him a letter/ sending him a message will give you closure. I think that it can help you toward a closure, sometime in the future. My problem here is with your use of the verb “reaching out”- it reads like you somewhat expects or hopes that he will reach out in return, or if you reach out to him with your hand, figuratively, he will take your hand into his.

“I don’t want to inflate his ego by telling him how much he hurt me. In heart of hearts, a person always knows, right?”- his “heart of hearts” may be buried too deeply, he may not know that he hurt you, or he may not care that he did. He may be solely focused on how he feels, not considering how you feel.

anita

Dear Sox:

Maybe you should tell him then, in a letter or in a message, that you want or expect that he realizes his mistake or mistakes, that he recognizes that he hurt you, and that he apologizes to you for his mistakes and for hurting you.

Maybe, if he reads that you want that, he will give you at least a part of what you want (?)

anita

Dear Sox:

Having sent him a most succinct message yesterday, as you described it, reads like you having done the right thing, I am impressed. Maybe he was impressed too, and that’s why he didn’t block you. Remind yourself that indeed, you do not expect him to respond.

You started this thread on Oct 21 with the title: “I just don’t know what to do”. Twelve days later, you certainly knew what to do and you did it well.

Post again anytime, Sox, be it here on this thread, or on a new thread on any topic that you can start anytime.

anita

Dear Sox:

You are very welcome and thank you for your expressed appreciation. I  just read your intelligent, thoughtful, empathetic and insightful reply to another member, on another thread, and I am positively impressed!

anita

Dear Sox:

You are all those adjectives I mentioned in my previous post, and humble as well: “this helps me in attempting to understand.. if not completely”, as opposed to saying something like: this helps me understand completely.

Anytime I can .. attempt to help you understand anything more completely, let me know.

anita

You are welcome, Sox, a pleasure to have you here, in the forums.

anita