I just don't know what to say

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This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 4 months ago by sojourner.

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July 20, 2014 at 8:38 am #61309

Anonymous
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I don’t understand why when I am in a group of friends or people I’m not that close with I just don’t know what to say. I am quiet, I never initiate any topic because I REALLY just don’t know what to say. Why is there this wall between me and others? What can I do to simply be myself and talk? Sometimes somebody tells me something and I just don’t know what to respond and sometimes it’s kind of awkward because I can actually feel the tension and the awkwardness in the air.

July 20, 2014 at 9:46 am #61311

Matt
Participant

Denise,

This happens to me, too. Sometimes, there’s just nothing there. I don’t fret it too much, don’t become too worried that I’m not saying the right thing. Sometimes saying nothing is the right thing. If you want to keep engaging with them, you can ask them questions about their stories, rather than trying to give a commentary.

Also, try to accept that its awkward sometimes. Still normal, usual, lovable. Flub a joke? Smile, breathe, keep going, oh well. Blurt an overshare? Most do, laugh along, keep going. Ya know? Who cares? Social dancing is awkward for most of us, but we get better with practice (when not swamped by fear). Said differently, I find social awkwardness endearing… it has a way of stopping trains in their tracks, giving everyone a moment of “huh?”. What a joy! When we don’t know what to say next, we have the space to say anything.

With warmth,
Matt

July 20, 2014 at 2:52 pm #61328

SpinBunny78
Participant

Hi Denise,

Is it that you don’t know what to say in relation to a certain subject because maybe you don’t understand it/have an opinion on it or is it more that you are fearful of being judged for what you say so you maybe hold back?
Sometimes it’s ok to just nod and smile and just listen. Most people listen only to respond rather than understand, so in a way it is admirable that you can be present in a conversation without actually saying much. People appreciate a good listener more than you realise.

Much Love.

July 20, 2014 at 6:14 pm #61330

zaica
Participant

hi denise!!

you don’t know what to say? or you know but you don’t know how they will react that’s why you just don’t say anything?… i’ve been guilty of doing the same thing most of the times…it comes with the desire to please others… haha… hi matt!! i think you’re the one who said that to me…

i think you should start small.. watch the tv, read the newspapers… then start a conversation about things you’d like to know more about… start with people you feel comfortable with.. you just need to practice. just bear in mind that each of us is entitled to his or her own thoughts… therefore respect what they have to say.. it goes the same thing to what you have to say too..

goodluck!!!..

July 20, 2014 at 7:23 pm #61339
Big blue
Participant
Hi Denise,

Genuine interest: It’s usually good to ask questions when someone tells a story. “Really? Then what happened?” “Why did you do that?” “Do they Make a waterproof ham sandwich?” “Yes-really?”

Travel: Another easy way to get going is to ask about vacations or other travel. “Oh you went There for the waterproof ham sandwich?!” “My aunt just went and she loved it!”

Music: “Get out! I like Foo Fighters, too! Have you seen them in concert?” “They don’t eat sandwiches.”

Towns: “I was born south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but grew up north of it.” “What about you?” “Oh really? Sandwich, Massachusetts?”

School: “Yeah so they have this great culinary school.” No I’m not going to hit the underwater ham sandwich again.

Work: “TGIF. But my job is interesting sometimes. What about yours?” “Lunch is good.”

Food: you guessed it!

Is this sounding like you can do it?

Big blue
- This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Big blue.
July 20, 2014 at 10:46 pm #61371

sojourner
Participant

Good advice all…if you are still reading, I find the best way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions of another person. People generally enjoy talking about themselves. And compliments (genuine) are always welcome and might help move things along. Are they wearing something you like or think looks good on them? Say so. How about current events…I’m not saying delve into personal politics, but we are all earthlings and humans and generally want the same things – love, safety, shelter, food, water.

And remember, we have two ears and one mouth. We should be listening twice as often as talking 🙂 Blessings and good luck.

PS just be yourself, that’s good enough.
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