Dear mangomango123:

It is reasonable to need and want attention from a boyfriend. How much attention is reasonable to expect is the question.

A lot of women have this answer to the question: It is reasonable to expect as much attention as will make me feel good.

Problem is, many women often do not feel good, so they conclude: I am not getting enough attention.

Often, a woman grew up as a child without adequate attention from parents, so she becomes a very needy adult, wanting the attention she so craved for as a child. She then transfers that need to the man in her life, expecting him to make it up to her, give her enough attention to make up for years of lack and craving.

Back to the question: how much attention is reasonable to expect? You know the answer once you stop craving the attention you didn’t get as a child. This is why I suggested competent psychotherapy: to examine the lack of the past, process that hurt, grieve what you didn’t get then, and in so doing, peel off that EXTRA (unreasonable) demand of attention from a man.

anita

Dear mangomango123:

You are very welcome. I wish such childhood traumas didn’t happen, as they would save lots of people from a lot of wasted time, misery and dysfunction. Unfortunately they happen, and the healing has to be taken seriously, as a long process that requires work and a whole lot of patience with the process and gentleness with yourself.

Post anytime.
anita