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JY_Lin

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • February 28, 2017 at 3:21 am #131621
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Hi Anita,
    Apologize for the late reply, didn’t notice there’s a 2nd page. After reading your comments, it becomes clearly on the reason of my ‘inadequate’ needs in my relationships. I am not given much attention and love in my childhood and thus, I pinned all my dreams and happiness to the man of my life, never realizing these causes stress to the man, which kills the relationship.

    I beginning to be more aware of my ownself, beginning to see the core reasons of the failure of my relationship. If I am still not out of these ‘trauma’ in my childhood which are still haunting me even now, I will never get into a healthy relationship.

    Thank you Anita. I will find out more about competent psychotherapy.

    February 18, 2017 at 10:24 pm #128287
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Hi William Shane

    I agreed with what you said, I have too had failed relationships because i relay my happiness and emotions solo on him, that’s made him stress up and broke up with me. I thought that the way I love would be best for the guy, and I nv knew it made him stress and suffered instead.

    Please share with me how do you think I should do in order to improve myself, to love myself more and to be perfectly ok and happy alone with myself.

    February 18, 2017 at 9:39 pm #128279
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Dear Brav3

    I saw your positive post and I wanted to change myself. I want to learn how to love myself more, learn how to be my own best friend and be ok and happy alone with myself. I want to be a better person.

    Please share with me more. I have read the article “5 reasons why man break up with woman they love” and the reasons were spotted on. I realize the way I love was giving him stress and unhappiness and that why he broke up with me.

    Please help. I sincerely wanted to change to a better lover.

    February 18, 2017 at 1:36 pm #128257
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Dear Anita
    Well, I felt inadequate because he doesn’t give the attention I need to feel adequate. Of cause I’m not asking for his 24/7 standby, but his effort of calling as and when he’s free, even if it’s 1-2 minutes call. I felt that he can go on with or without me, and if I no longer be with him, he doesn’t feel he lost me. That’s why I felt quite insignificant. When I’m down or depress, he doesn’t seem to show emotional support (maybe the way i want), I feel that he can only handle happy moments but not challenge moments on the relationship. Felt that it’s like “please go and manage your own temperament behavior and whimps. I can’t take in all of these nonsense as I’m already so busy and stress up with work already” trying very hard to understand him, I felt neglected. I told him before, while he said that he already texted me more than he texted his family members.

    Maybe I am too demanding. I should be more independent, having my own programs and not revolve most of my focus on him. I shouldn’t have depend on him for my own happiness, which further drained and stress him more. He told me he wanted me to love myself more, and that both person should be happy and ok to be alone (by themselves) before loving and going into a relationship.

    February 18, 2017 at 1:30 am #128179
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Dear Mark

    I am sorry to hear this. Maybe I am still in the denial stage of moving on. 2.5 years may not be long, or short, but I have a lot of ‘first time’ activities with him. Those memorie and gestures, it’s already part of my life. The effort on how he planned the to have the best memorable road trip to the US last Nov was burned inside my brain.. I can see he is really working very hard on top of his hectic work life. He gave me greeting (belated bday, Xmas and valentines)cards with love messages written on the cards just recently etc. Somehow, I felt cheated when he told me he still loves me but he had planned to break up with me way long ago. My cousin told me he loves me, but don’t love me enough.

    February 17, 2017 at 8:36 pm #128147
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I totally agreed. I have spoken to my mum about that. That’s what exactly she also told me. Best if no quarrels ever existed. Once quarrel started, it will continue. I am feel inadequate in this relationship and that’s why I expect and demand from him. Different lifestyle/ preference are secondary and through time, i believe both party could come to consensus on the different lifestyle.

    It’s too late. When I finally learnt where’s my mistakes, he’s gone. I doubt that he will change his mind after the 1 month cooling period. Since his heart and feeling no longer feel the love. I regretted on my actions greatly. I should have listen to what my mum said and change permanently when my mum told me the same mistakes I’ve made during my breakup with my first ex.

    I still wish to be with this guy. But… all hopes are lost. He won’t turn back 🙁

    February 17, 2017 at 7:25 pm #128143
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Well I was the one who initiated the argument. Most of the quarrels were about jealousy, insecurities, he having not much time for me. Etc, after I realized these are ruining the relationship, I began to change. I tried to control all these negativites and began to communicate more and tell him more about how I feel, how we can improve things, that we can try to do smth to see if it could work.
    After the quarrels, once we cool down, we will apologize to each other and tell each other we still loves him/her. After a night sleep, we will be back to normal.

    February 17, 2017 at 7:11 am #128017
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    I know him. He won’t fall for this. I guess he’ll be even happier if I found another one who is more suitable for me. Deep inside, I knew he won’t want me back if I leave. He himself have considered all factors before making this decision, so it’s not a hasty decision.

    February 17, 2017 at 5:48 am #128003
    JY_Lin
    Participant

    @Inky

    Yes, I longed for such guy who treats me like how I treated him. I do admitted I felt inadequate in this relationship and thought that’s how he express his love. He told me to love myself more. I wonder if he is telling me to treat myself better by looking for someone who is more suitable for me.

    I still loves him very much though.. the memories, his genuine care and concern. Can’t believe all is gone.. I kept blaming myself for not doing enough, for not being a better person for him…

    Thank you for the advise. It did triggered my thoughts abit (though am still grieving)

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)