Home→Forums→Relationships→I love him but can't deal with future in laws?
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February 17, 2018 at 10:33 am #192961AprilAngelParticipant
Me and my partner have been together for years and I admit most of the time we argue alot specially with heavy differences we have (attitudes,priorities and principles). We already have kids but not yet married. We’ve been talking about it many times but so many circumstances arises especially about dealing with both sides(our families). I love him,there’s no doubt in that but every time I’m thinking about the family issues we have and sometimes he’s not treating the way I deserve, I’m having second thought if I still want to make things work especially for our kids. His family always interfer with us but not helping. They even ignore us when we are financially down. Even our kids. I even gave birth to our kids but no one came to see or support or even help us in the hosp., I undergo a CS operation,I have no siblings my parents are in other countries, even my cousins.same situation happened to my 3rd and 4th child when my husband work abroad.I am the only one in the hospital with my baby.Sometimes, even when they are having special occassions, they are just inviting my partner without me and my kids and he will just inform me that he will just spend some time with his family(even without us). His parents also tolerating his vices which I’m trying to avoid(he’s a bit alcoholic) because he cant control himself if drunk. I really don’t know what to do. He says he loves us but It’s hard for him to stand up for us and make us respected by his family. Most of our arguements is because of his family but none of this argues was with me. He’s always on his family’s side and I am the one who always need to understand and adjust because it’s always my fault for him.
Sorry if the story was too long. I try to shortened it the best way I can.
February 17, 2018 at 11:24 am #193001AnonymousGuestDear AprilAngel:
It is a shame that your partner’s parents and family are so… uninvolved with their own four grandchildren, not to mention them not acknowledging and not respecting the mother of their four grandchildren. This very fact is indicative to … what would be the correct words… heartless nature, their heartlessness.
It is also a shame that your partner takes their side and is not standing by you, his family of choice: partner and four children.
I wish you and him didn’t argue, especially not in front of the children. Children suffer so much when watching their parents argue or otherwise show aggression toward each other. Children are damaged by aggression at home, be it verbal or otherwise.
Do you have plans for the future, from having more children or not, to moving elsewhere with your partner, away from his parents… attend couple counseling, anything?
anita
February 17, 2018 at 10:51 pm #193047AprilAngelParticipantThank you for your time Anita, no. I already undergo a tubal ligation procedure so I can’t have another child anymore. Besides, I don’t have plans to have another one since I can’t handle it anymore. I am really having second thoughts if I still want to have our relationship works or not. I am also afraid to raise my children alone. We talked before regarding that matter, he even told me that he is on my side but every time I’m telling hi the problem, he’s always cutting the conversation and keep on telling me that just ignore his family. His family wants someone else, much better for him and that thing is they always reminding me and hurts me alot. I couldn’t just ignore the way they are treating us,me and my kids. I don’t know what to do honestly.
February 18, 2018 at 5:01 am #193073AnonymousGuestDear AprilAngel:
No solution can be perfect or even close. Got to choose the best in what is available to you. You have a responsibility to your four children. Their well-being, their best interest, should be the highest priority by far.
But notice this: the well being of a child’s mother is the best interest of a child. It damages children to observe their mother unwell, distressed, anxious, depressed and so on.
Because the loyalty of your partner is with his parents who disapprove of you and of your children, you don’t owe him your loyalty. It will be okay, I believe, for you to no longer live with him. If there are arguments in the home, it is better that the two of you do not live together.
anita
February 18, 2018 at 7:35 am #193145AprilAngelParticipantThank you so much for all the advices anita. I’ll think about it very well. Your responses somehow enlightened me and helped me in many ways.
February 18, 2018 at 7:37 am #193149AnonymousGuestYou are welcome, AprilAngel. Thank you for your expressed appreciation. Anytime.
anita
February 18, 2018 at 6:34 pm #193235MarkParticipantAprilAngel.
It seems that you are already raising your children on your own and you are dealing with it, so that fear is already realized
I agree with what anita said about having you as an example for them. If they see you tolerating such poor treatment and not showing respect for yourself then they will grow up to be that way or to be like their father in treating their partners with such disregard and lack of responsibility.
Mark
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