Dear Laura:
I just looked it up (something I did not at all consider earlier when I answered you): if U.S. service member dates a 17‑year-old (your age), it can easily result in disciplinary action even if there was no sexual activity involved.
Even if the minor lies about her age, the military member is still held responsible for verifying her age.
“She told me she was 18” is not a defense in the military and the military member can face consequences even if he genuinely believed the woman is 18.
Even if the relationship is legal under state law (in some U.S. states, sexual activity with a 16‑ or 17‑year‑old is legal, because the age of consent in those states is 16 or 17), the military can still punish the service member. The military holds its members to a higher standard than civilian law.
In real‑world situations, if the service member reasonably believed she was 18, and she actively lied, and there was no sexual contact, and no evidence of coercion or grooming …the military might handle it administratively (counseling, reprimand) rather than criminally.
But if there was sexual contact, even if consensual, the military almost always investigates — because the risk is too high.
Why the military is so strict- because the military is extremely protective of its reputation and its personnel. Relationships with minors can damage careers, lead to criminal charges, trigger mandatory investigations, or create public‑relations issues. So, the military takes a “zero‑risk” approach.
Bottom line: even if a 17‑year‑old lies and says she’s 18, the relationship is still considered inappropriate, and the military member is still responsible, and the military can still punish him.
Anita
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