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I need advice with midlife changes. HELP!

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  • February 14, 2015 at 9:48 am #72750
    Kim53
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m a 53 year old woman who is having a really hard time with a life changing decision.I have been unhappily married for 27 years and separated from my spouse for the last 10 years. Although we live in separate locations, we have remained involved in each others life for the sake of the children. Our children are adults now and living on their own. We still share holidays and all get together at least a couple times a month.my spouse and I do NOT have any physical contact what so ever. I have recently met and fallen in love with a man who resides in another country. we are in love and he comes to the states every year. He now wants to move here to be with me and hopefully get married. That would require me to divorce my current spouse and the thought of doing that terrifies me. I think I am co dependent on this relationship and can’t bare to think of not having it anymore. Am I being selfish? Is my fear trying to tell me something? What if this new guy is just using me for a green card? I’m so confused!!!! I’m really stuck…HELP!

    Kim

    February 14, 2015 at 10:02 am #72751
    Jay
    Participant

    I never give advice but I’d say getting a divorce would probably a good idea to give you some closure and open yourself up to other opportunities in life..but that does not mean you should necessarily jump into another marriage with someone else right away…especially since it is clear from your question that you are not sure of the new guy’s intentions.
    Best of luck in whichever path you choose.
    Namaste.

    February 15, 2015 at 5:43 am #72787
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi kim53,

    No one is putting a gun to your head and demanding you get a divorce. This marriage arrangement seems to be working for you. But you simply must ferret out the terrifying fear. Is it money? Status? There’s no one else? You genuinely like/love your husband? I say if you don’t have a job, get one. If you have few friends, find some. If you love the routine of it all, do other things.

    This guy you’re in love with that you see once a year? My green card senses are tingling. I would sooner get citizenship to his country. Honestly. I’ve seen this happen. Don’t be like that guy who I’ve seen this happen to. I’d rather you live in your current comfortable life/routine.

    Think Hard,

    Inky

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