I don’t know your character very well or his but I do know that some guys prefer the truth straight up without sugar coating.Chances are he has already read the signs and might just need a little bit more clarity.

You need to convince yourself and him and be firm that it is for the best and that should probably be your opening line.No one likes to be in a relationship for the sake of it and hints and other subtleties sometimes get absorbed by both your and his good will, which is probably why you are having so much trouble to begin with.If you are concerned about possessions make a plan which includes a deadline by which you will leave or a plan to help with payments up to a certain date to carry yourself/himself over.Don’t let the details stand in your way if you are so inclined and that will be understood, that by taking greater lengths to end things , that you are 100% positive about it.

As for your reasoning there might not need to be a reason save to say that you are not fulfilled and that you seek greater fulfillment by leaving the relationship even if it is to be alone.this is what seems apparent in any case.

Write a letter? You seem to be good with words maybe write how you feel, as you write it and see it in black and white things may become clearer to you with what or how you want to say? Seems like something is holding you back though. No relationship is a relationship without having two participants in it, if you don’t want to be in it do not participate. He maybe a nice guy but not the one for you maybe? Hope you get clarity soon 🙂 xx

Hi Elfie,

I wish i could say that it is easy but it is not….I am in a dilemma myself with my boyfriend. We are both over 40s divorced and with children. We met last summer. he introduced me to his all family and i slowly to my children. He lives with his parents and one son. They are all lovely. I love him dearly. Since September we started meeting up once a week and then went almost once a month. His job requires him to be at home and as it involve phone calls from around the world, he’s on the phone all the time…late nights sleep everyday. He texts me everyday and still saying i’m the love of his life’s. Someone who he waited for all his life and will never walk away from. He hasn’t had a girlfriend for 4 years (He said he wouldn’t sleep with anyone woman until he met the one he would never walk away from). He wants to buy his place (as he left his house for the ex and children) and we get married also help his children financially (ours as he says). It’s been 2 months now that we only met few hours, once when his grandchild was born (our grandchild) the other at my friend’s birthday. Before that was X=mas (with his family) and new years eve. I’m finding really difficult to keep up with the distance. When i asked him if he thinks we are drifting apart, he was shocked and said “No, not for one second” and asked if i thought we were. I said i fear that we are running the risk to it as there has been no contact apart from text messages for so long with no planning of meet up at all. He said it wont be forever and his busyness, what he is doing now is almost finished. Once I got angry because he was busy every time i text, even tho he was replaying, and that i felt bad because I thought I disturbing him. when i said i was finding very difficult the all distance thing he got upset and said “He could only say sorry, that he needed to work like that until the kids don’t need him anymore and that he doesn’t have anyone paying his wages so he wouldn’t have money if he didn’t work like that. And that is for our and our kids future that he is working so much!
I’ve got 2 boys and no family here. Work full time (a lot). Been feeling sad and lonely as if i don’t have a boyfriend at all. Been divorced for ages and only had one long term relationship after divorcing which ended 3 4 years ago. He from being very romantic at the beginning, remembering our anniversary and else and , forgot our anniversary lately, didn’t( He had to take his father to hospital and was lacking sleep) mention valentines ( although send me a good morning message as he does everyday)…When I mentioned that he forgot, he said in his head wad “to take dad to hospital on Monday” and that he didn’t forgot it was only he didn’t know the day of the month and that doesn’t reflect what he feels for me at all. I felt sad anyway. He’s been under so much stress with the kind of job he does and with his dad’s scare of becoming ill ( he’s on remission)…Oh, it’s tough for him i can understand that!! But I go from understanding to wanting to end as i think he doesn’t have time for me. He wants to get married, don’t know when, but i’m unsure of everything as at the moment i don’t even feel like a girlfriend. WE some intimacy last summer and only slept together 3 times in 8 months…I don’t know what to do. His parents need hospital appointment time to time and he drives them. He is busy all the times. I don’t know how we can get together, but he seems to be planing all. I miss him a lot. When he texts me he says things like “he loves me more than everything or to infinity and beyond. I do too but the distance is starting taking the tool.What do I do?I don’t want to loose him and don’t want to keep saying that we need to make an effort to meet up ( as I said before). Don’t want to push him at all. I am now feeling that I might not even want to see him again as it might be ages after we meet up again and it hurts so much. I keep thinking that i should end as i’m not happy but i know i’ll be even more unhappy if I do. Can someone give me some advice please?