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I really really desperately need help, i cant take this anymore

HomeForumsRelationshipsI really really desperately need help, i cant take this anymore

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)
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  • #417140
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I just regret taking a decision that might ruin my relationship with my gf…
    And i cant turn back time, im so frustrated and having anxiety everyday for 2 months….

    I posted a picture on my social media that shows that im in a relationship with my gf, so basically everyone who follows my social media knows, even they cant see the post anymore…

    I’ve been hiding the relationship for 6 months, but i choose to show it that time because i have anxiety that boys might chase my gf and i dont want that… so i showed to public…

    and turns out it’s a wrong decision, as my friends now wants me to introduce her to them, i dont want it, i dont trust them… i dont want them to harm the relationship….
    Because if they get to know my gf, they’ll follow her social media and might know her life…

    idk how to explain but if my gf doesnt post me for a long time, they might ask “are u still in a relationship with her?” Its tiring to answer those questions…

    also boys who follow my social media might want to chase her, im so worried….

    i even prayed everyday so i can solve this issue, but this anxiety is too much and i cant handle it…

    i need concrete solutions….

     

    I guess the only way to feel secure is that if i marry her, but its still a long way.. now it’s not the time…

     

    i’m so frustrated that i even hit my head and scratch myself…. Its so frustrating that i took the wrong decision…

    #417145
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Eric

    As I see it, it is not your decisions that are the problem. Until you have dealt with the anxiety and overthinking that appears to run your life, the peace, contentment & happiness that you are constantly chasing after will always elude you.

    Staying grounded in the moment instead of second guessing past decisions and worrying about hundreds of different possibilities of the future especially the negative ones. The practice of mindfulness ,tai chi, yoga etc are designed to bring you back to the present and allow your mind to rest from the torment of being dragged into the past and future.  The zen story on you tube good bad who knows?, may also help.

    #417147
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear roberta,

    May i know why in ur opinion that my decisions arent the problem?

    Like isnt it safer for my relationship if i keep hiding it until the right time, as it will also reduce most of the negative possibilities in the future…

    #417148
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you roberta for the zen story video on youtube, it was quite helpful.. although it didnt erase the issues im having here, but indeed it helps..

    Thank you so much 🙏

    #417151
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Eric

    The more you understand your body and its needs and how it influences your judgement and how your brain, mind etc work and influence your body you will be able to see that when you make decisions that are in line with your best self the better you will feel about them.  Learning to let go of the outcome ( & possible outcomes of decisions) or control of the outcome eases ones mind.  In general I do not find secrets helpful as  it often generates fear. living ones life clearly & honestly, being open to myself & others brings more joy and yes life will always bring loss of some kind but that is reality of impermanence that we (all things ) are subject to.

    #417232
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear roberta,

    do u think what i’m experiencing here is relationship anxiety?

    but isnt it me just trying my best to protect the relationship from harm? I’ve been waiting for these kind of relationship and she’s my dream girl… i dont wanna lose this relationship…

     

     

    tbh when i post that pic i feel happy, as i also want to be like every one else who’s able to share their happy moments to everyone…

    but i also need to be realistic, that i’m not a guy with that high status, and my appearance isnt good, so the chance to get snatched away is very high, therefore i feel like keeping our relationship hidden is the best way… and when we’re near marriage, then i’ll show the relationship… as its already secured…

    #417233
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Before i post that pic i prayed to god first, so i made the right decision…

    but turns out it was wrong…

    why does god have to make things difficult for me… it isnt easy for me to get this relationship…

    #417235
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Eric

    I cant answer for your god.

    Who knows how you will feel about your decision to post that photo on social media in six months, six years six decades from now.  You were happy when you posted it and now you are not, So the photo or posting is not the source of your  lasting happyness or  lasting anxiety.

    I think it is your anxiety that is making you feel that this relationship is hard work & that in turn does make the relationship hard work for you. Get professional help with anxiety as a whole rather than dealing with each little thing that occurs as something major.  Also get professional help to  deal with your attachment of not being good enough and comparing yourself unfavorably with almost everyone else on the planet. No one person has it all or is perfect all the time, no matter how they portray themselves on social media. Spending too much time & putting too much store in social media is not helping with your issues in fact it feeds your suffering.

    I get a  daily good email which helps broaden my perspective and I am not on facebook etc.

    #417247
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you roberta,

     

    u can ignore my messages if u feel like im repeating the same thing over and over again…

     

    i just wanna tell what’s inside my mind:

     

    Actually all of these is due to one thing…

    I regret showing to everyone im in a relationship…
    That’s it….
    And i know i cant change regret, so its frustrating that my mind keeps going in a loop… i’m trying to find ways to get my old life back but idk how…
    before people know about my relationship, i feel free, i feel peaceful… as i have no pressure and i can focus on my work…. But now i dont feel that freedom anymore… due to the bad effects that i know this decision would give…
    #417251
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Eric

    So prior to this thread about posting photo and  relationship status on social media you had never circled in anxious thoughts and over thinking about anything?

    #417253
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear roberta,

     

    Well i’ve always been anxious and filled with overthinking & anxious thoughts since i was still in highschool… now i’m in my early 20s….

    But right now my main anxious thoughts is about this fear of me ruining my relationship with that girl….

    #417255
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Maybe it’s just i can accept the fact that my decision has caused people to know im in a relationship…

    i wanna go back into people not knowing im in a relationship, that’s why im stuck with the regret..

    #417258
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Eric

    I have reread your original post on this current topic.

    What a quandary Show off my girlfriend to ward off other possible suitors for her, but by posting her picture now you think the world wants to date her!  The lady in question is not an possession that you own.

    I am sure both Anita & Helcat etc have given you much good advice in the past. In not dealing with aniexty and overthinking they will be your companion if you let them.

    #417403
    zenith
    Participant

    I am not an expert but it seems like you have relationship anxiety /ocd. You have to start trusting yourself and your partner. You have to accept the fact that whatever happens beyond that is not under your control.  I am going to therapy for my ocd/anxiety. My therapist told me that these thoughts/obsessions are not under your control. The way you react is under you control. I understand how it feels these thoughts become so obsessive. Recently i have had thoughts of losing my partner. They were so obsessive that it made so anxious . I said  to myself/ocd let it happen.Whatever may happen i will be fine. People with ocd always look for certainity or want things to be under thier control. So you have start trusting yourself and accept the uncertainity.some things are beyond your control. i know its hard to accept the worst case scenario. But the ocd always latches on what ifs.You might have posted her pic online.How your friends going to react is not under your control. May be try talking to your partner about your insecurities. If you dont work on your obsessive thinking then Ocd might latch on some other decisions that you make.Ocd stems from not feeling good enough.  So thats the reason you will always feel insecure no matter what. start working on yourself. Find a therpist who knows ERP.

    #417410
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Dear zenith

    I’m so regretting in posting that pic, like i regret it so much….

    If only i trust her fully that time, i wouldnt expose my relationship… now i regret it so much…

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 16 total)

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